Murder, She Wrote

| Missouri, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [Gas Station]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you shoot guns?”

Me: “Uh… what?”

Customer: “Well, I know your gas station hires some athletic young men and I was wondering if you knew anything about guns?”

Me: “Actually, I do know a decent amount about guns and shooting.”

Customer: “If you threw a gun in the air and shot it with another gun, would it explode?”

Me: “Wait, what? Why?”

Customer: “Oh, well in the book I’m writing the sheriff is fighting the robber on the balcony of the theatre, and the robber’s gun flies into the air and the sheriff shoots it. Would it explode or hurt anyone?”

Me: “Well, it probably wouldn’t explode, but it would probably discharge either when struck by the bullet or when it hits the ground.”

Customer: “Would it hit someone?”

Me: “You’re the author, ma’am.”

Customer:  “Oh, thank you very much!  I’ll send you a copy when it’s published!”

I Can’t Hear Myself Think

| Houston, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

(It’s late at night, right before closing, when the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Auto-Parts Store], can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I bought a car stereo from you all a few month ago, and I didn’t really like it so I gave it to my son.”

Me: “OK.”

Caller: “Well, he didn’t like it either, so he gave it to our neighbors across the street.”

Me: “OK.”

Caller: “Well, they put it in their car and right now it’s sitting in their driveway with the doors open and they’re playing their music really loud!”

Me: “Yes…. well what do you want me to do?”

Caller: “I need you to come over here and tell them to turn it down!”

Hugh Do You Think You Are

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Funny Names, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: *wrapping up the call* “Thank’s very much Hugh! Was
there anything else?”

Caller: “And what was your name? Oh Emma, right.”

Me: “My name is Uma.”

Caller: “Yuma?”

Me: “Like Uma Thurman.”

Caller: “Oh, like the actress? Are you as pretty as she is? Do you look like her?”

Me: “No. Do you look like Hugh Grant? Or Hugh Jackman?”

Caller: “Try Hugh Hefner.”

When Bygones Mean Bi-Gones

| Kentucky, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

Me: “You’re not from around here are you?”

Customer: “Nope, I’m from Canada.”

Me: “Oh cool! Do you speak French?”

Customer: “Yup, I’m bilingual.”

Other Customer In Line: “Down here, if something’s bi, we shoot it.”

Cause And Defect

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Guest: “How much for one of your hotel rooms?”

Me: *gives price*

Guest: “How about if I only pay [another price]?”

Me: “Sorry sir, I can’t do that. We’re almost sold out and I can’t reduce room rates when we’re almost sold out.”

Guest: “Do you really think you’re going to sell this room anytime tonight?”

Me: “Yes, I will. I’m the only hotel in the area with rooms left and other hotels are sending their overflow guests to me. I’ll sell this room in the next half hour.”

Guest: “Oh come on!”

Me: “Plus there’s a concert tonight and I’m getting a lot of concert go’ers coming in to get a room.”

Guest: “But the concert is over! I just came from the concert myself!”

Me: “And here you are!”

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