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    On A Steak Out

    | Dartford, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I’m a policeman and my colleagues and I went to subway for something to eat. I order my sandwich and it’s the turn of my colleague.)

    Officer: ” What’s in a steak and cheese?”

    Assistant: “I’m sorry?

    Officer: ” The steak and cheese, what’s in it?

    Assistant: “Steak and cheese?”

    Me: “Don’t worry, he’ll never make detective.”

    Childhood Innocence, Adulthood Nonsense

    | Germany | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

    (I work as the cashier of a photographer. A customer and her husband walk in, asking for the photos of their children.)

    Me: *handing them the photos* “Here you go. You have nice-looking children, by the way.”

    Customer: “Thanks, but…can’t you, you know, make my daughter prettier?”

    Me: “Prettier?”

    Customer: “Yes, I mean, look at her!”

    Me: “Madam, I am sure these photographs have been retouched well by my coworkers. If you have any complaints about their work, I can–”

    Customer: “NO! I want this to be remade!”

    Me: “What exactly bothers you about these photos, anyway?”

    Customer: “It’s her boobs. You guys should have made them far bigger!”

    Me: “You want them…bigger?”

    Customer: “Yes! How hard is that?”

    Customer’s husband: *quietly* “Honey, you do realize she is 8 years old?”

    Size Matters

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    (My job is just to fold/hang the clothes from the fitting rooms and put them back. A customer comes up to me with two identical shirts.)

    Customer: “What’s the difference between a small and a medium?”

    Me: “Um, the small is smaller than the medium?”

    Customer: “I know that! Is there any other difference?”

    Me: “Not really.”

    Customer: “What kind of salesman are you? You don’t know that much about clothes.”

    Me: “I don’t sell the clothes. I just fold them.”

    Customer: “So you don’t know if there’s any difference?”

    Me: “They’re the same thing. One is just smaller.”

    (The customer hangs the medium on a rack, hangs the small in front of the medium. She compares the two shirts for a good 5 minutes before going with the small “because it’s smaller.”)

    A Dead Giveaway

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Uncategorized

    (I am answering the switchboard for a large hospital.)

    Caller: “Hi, I was wondering if you could tell me what phone company the hospital uses?”

    Me: “I’m not sure. The person that has that information left at 5:00 p.m. But if you call our purchasing office in the morning, they can tell you.”

    Caller: “Oh, no! It is a matter of grave importance that I find out right now!”

    Me: “What is the situation? Maybe I can help?”

    Caller: “My grandmother died there about a week ago and she didn’t have a will. I know for a fact that all the phone companies record all of our conversations. So, I thought maybe grandma called someone while she was in the hospital and told them what she left me.”

    Our Sandwiches Are Canine Benign

    | Brewer, ME, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    Customer: “What is in your turkey melt?”

    Me: “Turkey and cheese, and any veggies you like.”

    Customer: “What other meats?”

    Me: “Turkey.”

    Customer: “And…”

    Me: “Dog?”

    (The customer still ordered the turkey melt, but watched very closely to make sure dog wasn’t part of the menu.)

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