Touchscreen Has-beens

| Nottingham, UK | Technology, Uncategorized

(Myself and another colleague are talking to two elderly ladies.)

Lady #1: “You could just help us with one more thing.”

Lady #2: “You see that red button in the corner of the screen?”

(They indicate the interactive red button that accesses extra services, which you press on your remote.)

Me: “Yes?”

Lady #1: “Well the TV says to press it and nothing happens. Actually, lets see if it works now!”

(Lady 1 presses the red button and nothing happens. I immediately see the problem.)

Lady #1: “You see! Your TVs are broken too!”

Lady #2: “Oh, it’s working now.”

Me: “I’ve just pressed the red button on the remote. Not on the screen.”

If Only They Ran On Hot Air

| Wisconsin, USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like to ask someone about my watches. It’s not working right. I think it’s broken.”

Me: “Oh. Yes, the second hand doesn’t seem to be moving much. The battery is probably dying.”

Customer: “But my husband bought this for me!”

Me: “Well, we don’t sell batteries here, but I–”

Customer: “He just bought it here!”

Me: “Do you see another one like it in the display?”

Customer: “No! But I’ve only been wearing it for a month or two!”

Me: “It does look like it’s the battery because the hands are still moving, just not moving on time. It would be unusual for our batteries to die that soon. Do you have the original receipt?

Customer: “Why would I have that? He bought it 3 or 4 years ago!

Me: “Oh. If he bought the watch 3 or 4 years ago, then it probably is the battery.”

Customer: “But I’ve only been wearing it for a month or two!”

Me: “If it was purchased several years ago, the battery has been running for several years.”

Customer: “But why would it run when I’m not wearing it?!”

No Happy Ending

| Orlando, FL, USA | Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

(A customer brings a book up to the counter, but the front cover is torn off, along with some pages.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. I’m not sure why a book in this condition was on the shelf. Let me go get a new one.”

Customer: “No, it’s ok. I did it.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I already read the first part. I just wanted to buy the ending.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Do I get a discount? It’s only half the book.”

When Sizes Are XXX

| Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

(I am assisting a man holding a small and medium shirt.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m just thinking about S and M.”

Me: “I’ll leave you to that, then.”

Knows Knot Of Mass

| Houghton Lake, MI, USA | Math & Science, Uncategorized

(I work for a discount store that sells bulk birdseed that the customer scoops themselves. A customer approaches the counter with a bag that’s quite full but not tied.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how are you today?” (I start tying the bag shut so I can lift it on the counter to weigh without spilling.)

Customer: “No! Don’t!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Don’t tie a knot in it or it’ll weigh more!”

Me: “Ma’am. I’m sorry but, how’s that possible?”

Customer: “It’s a knot! They’re heavier!”

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