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    We All Feel Your Pain

    | Altoona, PA, USA |

    (I was in line to pay for a snack at a local convenience store when an elderly woman comes in, heads right to the front of the line.)

    Customer: “My gas tank isn’t filled.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, I’m waiting on these customers right now. ¬†If you get in line, I’ll be happy to–”

    Customer: “No!¬†Your gas isn’t filling my tank, and I want to know why.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, may I help you?”

    Customer: “Your gas doesn’t fill up my tank. I came in with less than half a tank and your gas didn’t even fill it up three quarters of the way!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. ¬†I’ll have someone come in and look at the pump you were using. ¬†For right now, you’re welcome to go to one of our other pumps and finish filling your tank.”

    Employee, to the manager: “She only prepaid $10…”

    Manager: “You prepaid for $10 of gas?”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Manager: “And… $10 isn’t… filling your tank….”

    Customer: “When my husband, God rest his soul, pumped gas, he used to pay $10 and it would fill up our tank.”

    Manager: “When was this?”

    Customer: “That doesn’t matter! ¬†My son-in-law has been pumping my gas since. ¬†I’ve given him $10 and it’s filled up my tank every time. You’re trying to take advantage of me because I’m an old woman!”

    Manager: “No, ma’am… the price of gas has gone up quite a bit in the last few years… It costs me almost $50 to fill my car–”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that! ¬†It’s always cost me $10… I’m going right to the Better Business Bureau and the Attorney General’s Office!”

    Manager: “Yes, ma’am. Sorry about the trouble. Good luck with all that…”

    Mmm, Moisturizer

    | Montana, USA |

    (At the shop, all the flavors of gelato are plainly labeled. This particular question happened almost daily…)

    Customer: “What does the Rose taste like?”

    Me: “Roses.”

    Customer: “No way! Let me try!”

    (I hand the customer a sampler of rose-flavored gelato.)

    Customer: “It tastes like lotion!”

    Me: “How often do you eat lotion?!”

    Just Quit While You’re Ahead

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA |

    Me: “You find everything okay today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Oh my God! What’s wrong with your face? ¬†Are you okay?”

    Me: “What?¬†What are you talking about?”

    Customer: ¬†”Your jaw! It’s so swollen!”

    Me: “Um… no, I’m just fine.”

    Customer: “Oh… your left jaw is just so huge, I thought, maybe… never mind.”

    T-Minus Five Seconds Until YouTube

    , | Portland, OR, USA |

    (A student needed a stack of VHS tapes converted to DVD.  The first couple tapes were nothing special but the third  looked like the camera had been set up in a hotel room. The three of us working in the lab were wondering if it was even her tape until we saw the student sit down on the bed.  Then she laid back. Then someone else stepped into the frame and started taking off her shirt.  I ran to the phone to call the student while a crowd gathered in front of the computer.)

    Me: “Hi, this is *** from the lab. ¬†We’re working on your tapes right now but we’re not quite sure about one of them.”

    Her: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, one of them seems like it might have slipped into the stack accidentally.”

    Her: “One of mine? Wha–OH MY GOD! ¬†The sex tape?!”

    Me: “That’s what it looks like.”

    Her: “Oh my god! Just box it up and hide it. ¬†I’ll be right down to pick it up!”

    Me: “I’ll pull it right away.”

    Her: “Please, don’t let anyone else watch it!”

    *people cheer excitedly in the back of the lab*

    Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am. I’ve already shut it off.”

    The Matrix Rejected

    | Florida, USA |

    (I used to work in a shop selling overpriced family coat of arms in a shop at a certain theme park in Florida. After a transaction had gone through, this customer turns to her daughter.)

    Customer: “Was that lucky?”

    Oracle Child: *stares blankly*

    Customer: “Was it unlucky to buy it using that card?”

    Oracle Child: “Yes…”

    Customer: “You sure it was unlucky?”

    Oracle Child: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I have to cancel that purchase and use a different card.”

    Coworker: “It’s already gone through.”

    Customer: “This is [theme park]!”

    (My coworker has to oblige the customer and hands her the forms to cancel it. Stupidly, she refuses to sign the forms and storms out with her husband and Oracle Child in tow.)


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