• A Pain In The Nugget
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    Picture Imperfect

    | United Kingdom | Uncategorized

    (I am speaking to a woman who is wanting to specify a ring valued at £4,000.)

    Me: “Okay, so just to let you know that because the item is valued at over £1,500, you will need to provide proof of its value if you do have to make a claim on it.”

    Customer: “So a receipt would be okay?”

    Me: “That’ll be fine, but for peace of mind a lot of people take pictures of their more expensive items in case they do need to claim on them because of loss or theft.”

    Customer: *long pause* “Um… how am I supposed to take a picture of it if I have lost it?”

    Me: “You…you take a picture of it before you lose it.”

    Customer: “Oh! That makes more sense now. I thought you were saying I’d have to find it again so I can take a picture to claim for it.”

    Pre(Car)ious Insurance

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    (I rent out loaner cars at a luxury-car dealership and try to loan similar cars to customers unless they are already booked.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we are out of luxury cars today. I have another vehicle that we can get you going in.”

    Customer: “No. I dropped off a luxury car, I should get one as a loaner.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have any available right now. This other car is actually very nice, and quite–”

    Customer: “I refuse to drive that car! It’s not safe! What if someone crashes into me while I’m driving? There are too many crazies on the road, and I demand a safe car to drive!”

    (A luxury loaner vehicle returns unexpectedly and I offer it to the customer.)

    Me: “Would you like to purchased the additional coverage on the loaner vehicle in case of an incident?”

    Customer: “Of course not! Like anything’s going to happen!”

    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 2

    | Frisco, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    (Due to a power outage, all movies have stopped. After employees visit each theater to tell customers what is happening, the power comes back on.)

    Me: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to get your movie back on screen in just a moment.”

    (The movie starts up. Unfortunately, when a projector gets cut off in the middle of the movie, it is about two minutes later in the film than when the power cut out.)

    Customer: “Rewind the movie!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, there is no way to rewind a film sir.”

    Customer: “Just use the remote!”

    Me: “Sir, movies on film are not like DVDs or VHS tapes. You cannot simply rewind it.”

    Customer: “Shut up and give me the remote, I’ll do it!”

    Not Remotely Intelligent

    Talk Is Cheap, Texting However…

    | Utah, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer walks up to our cell phone store looking very frustrated.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I have charges on my bill for text messaging, but I have unlimited texting. Why did you charge me?”

    Me: “Ok, well let me look up your account and take a look.”

    (I look up the account and notice that he activated his service two weeks ago and doesn’t have a balance yet.)

    Me: “Sir, your balance right now is at $0.00. You don’t owe us anything yet.”

    Customer: “Yeah, you said I do! You sent me a text message about it!”

    (He pulls out his phone and shows me a text that says he owes $29.95 worth of texting to premium girls-chat website.)

    Me: “We haven’t charged you, but that company charges you if you use their…services.”

    Customer: “So I have to pay 29 bucks?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Well I’m going to delete her from my phone then, because she’s really expensive!”

    Rejection Incognito

    | New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    (A young boy walks in. It is February.)

    Me: “Hello, is there something I can help you find today?”

    Customer: “Hi, do you remember me?”

    Me: “No, sir, not really.”

    Customer: “C’mon, you’re going to tell me you don’t remember me? Remember, I came during the summer! Oh, I know why!” *takes off hat* “How about now?”

    Me: “Sorry, still nothing. Is there anything I can help you find though?”

    Customer: “No, I just came in to see if you remembered me.” *walks out dejected*

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