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  • Another Tragic Hair Disaster

    | North Wales, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids, School, Uncategorized

    (The phone rings five minutes before the end of the school day.)

    Parent: *very distressed* “You’ll have to help me, please help!”

    Me: “What on earth has happened? How can I help?”

    Parent: “It’s an emergency! There’s been a disaster! You have to help me!”

    Me: “Calm down and tell me what has happened. I’ll do my best to help”.

    Parent: “I can’t get there to pick up [name of her child]. It’s an emergency!”

    Me: “Don’t worry about her, I’ll keep an eye on her here at school. She can come home with me if need be. Is there anything else can do? What has happened?”

    Parent: “It’s my hair, it’s turned out orange!”

    Not On Their Best Bee-hive-ior

    | Maryland, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    (A customer is running around the perennial section like a maniac.)

    Me: “Is everything okay, ma’am?”

    Customer: “The bees!  They’re chasing me!”

    Me: “They really won’t bother you, ma’am. They’re too interested in the flowers to pay much attention to you.”

    Customer: “That’s easy for you to say! The bees KNOW you!”

    Deal With The Burning Issue First

    | Roseville, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

    (There is a small electrical fire in our backroom. I run out to the nearest placed fire extinguisher and I am literally running while pulling the pin out to put the fire out. A customer gets in my way.)

    Customer: “I need you to help me find this brand of cat food.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the back room is currently on fire and I am trying to get back there to put it out.”

    Customer: “What!? You can’t take two minutes to help me find this cat food.”

    Me: “Ma’am. unless you want this whole building to go up in flames I need to you move so I can get to the backroom.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you won’t help me! I am never shopping here again!”

    Me: “I don’t care at this point I need you to move.”

    (I push her cart out of the way and make it in to the backroom to get the fire out before it causes any serious damage. I then come back out with the obviously used fire extinguisher.)

    Customer: “Oh…you weren’t making that up?”

    Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    Me: “That’ll be $*.**. Also, would you also like to make a donation to our water conservation fund?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “It helps to save habitats for animals and–”

    Customer: “But why would we need to pay for that? Water doesn’t run out. I’ve left my faucets on all day and water came out the whole time! And besides I only drink coffee, not water.”

    Seriously, It’s Just A Joke

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Uncategorized

    (I am loading guests onto boats at my ride, on which everybody gets wet and all seats are red, when my boss makes a joke over the intercom.)

    Boss: “If you’re in a red seat, you will get wet. The red seats are the wet seats. The blue seats are the dry seats.”

    Guest: “I’d like a blue seat, please.”

    Me: (gesturing at the boat) “All the seats are red.”

    Guest: “But I don’t want to get wet.”

    Me: “This is a water ride. You will get wet.”

    Guest: “Not in a blue seat. He just said.”

    Me: “He was making a joke. See? All the seats are red.”

    Guest: “Okay.” *pause* “Which seats are the dry seats, then?”

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