(Three teenagers come up to my register to buy some CD cases.)
Me: “And that comes to $10.33.”
Teenager: “What if my dad was the Prime Minister?”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Teenager: “What if he came in, and said it was $5?”
Me: “It would still be $10.33?”
(He seems to think this over for a minute.)
Teenager: “Well, what if he was the government?! Then what?”
Me: “The price would still be $10.33.”
Teenager: “Okay, so then, what if Jesus himself came into the store, and came up to you, and said it was $5?”
Me: “Well, Jesus would still have to pay full price. Which is $10.33.”
Teenager: “If Jesus was here, you’d be going to h***!”
Customer: “Now don’t forget my military discount!”
Me: “Do you have a military ID, sir?”
Customer: “Sure do.”
(He starts digging through his wallet and doesn’t immediately find it.)
Customer: “I can also show you my scars from Vietnam!”
Me: “Just the ID will do fine.”
(I am working as a cashier and an elderly lady comes in through my line.)
Old Lady: "Honey, you are always so nice to everybody. I bet no one ever does anything for you!"
Me: "Thank you! But that’s not true."
(I put the groceries in the cart for her, but she still stands by my register.)
Me: "Did you need anything else?"
Old Lady: "Here, you just take this as a lil’ thank-you from me!"
(She thrusts a couple of dollars at me. Mind you, there are cameras at every register and we aren’t allowed to take tips.)
Me: "I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept that. We don’t take tips."
Old Lady: "Take it, please!"
Me: "No, I really–"
Old Lady: "TAKE IT!"
(She then opens up my work shirt, puts the money inside, closes it, and pats my chest down.)
Old Lady: "Now you have a nice day!"
(There are guys from my college behind her and I’m red as a beet.)
One of the guys: "Heh heh, and how are you doin’?"
(I’m working with a caller on a bug they’ve found on our website.)
Me: "Okay, I need to know what Internet browser you’re working on. Internet Explorer? Firefox?"
Caller: "I’m using Firefox."
Me: "Great, now do you know what version of Firefox you’re using?"
Caller: "Yes, I’m using version 12" *note: the highest version of Firefox is currently 3.6*
Me: *jokingly* "Firefox 12? That must mean you’re from the future! Wow! What’s the new Firefox like? In my time, we only have version 3.6."
Caller: "It’s pretty nice, I guess."
Me: *still jokingly* "Do you have hover-cars yet?"
Me: "Sorry, that was a joke. What I want you to do is email me a screen capture of the bug you’re experiencing, as well as of the specific version of Firefox you’re using. I can give you instructions on how to do so."
(30 minutes later I receive an email with the screen captures. Turns out she was using Internet Explorer 7.)
(It is a slow night and I am working with a co-worker when a guy walks in.)
Co-Worker: “Hi! How can I help you?”
Customer: “Do you have a room for tonight?”
Co-Worker: “Just tonight?”
Co-Worker: “How many in your party?”
Customer: “Just one.”
Co-Worker: “Do you have a smoking preference?”
Me: *just hearing the last part of the conversation* “What?”
Co-Worker: “We’re keeping him.”