What Would Jesus Discount?

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Religion, Uncategorized

(Three teenagers come up to my register to buy some CD cases.)

Me: “And that comes to $10.33.”

Teenager: “What if my dad was the Prime Minister?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Teenager: “What if he came in, and said it was $5?”

Me: “It would still be $10.33?”

(He seems to think this over for a minute.)

Teenager: “Well, what if he was the government?! Then what?”

Me: “The price would still be $10.33.”

Teenager: “Okay, so then, what if Jesus himself came into the store, and came up to you, and said it was $5?”

Me: “Well, Jesus would still have to pay full price. Which is $10.33.”

Teenager: “If Jesus was here, you’d be going to h***!”

Military Discount Can Save An Arm And A Leg

| Sicklerville, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money, Uncategorized

Customer: “Now don’t forget my military discount!”

Me: “Do you have a military ID, sir?”

Customer: “Sure do.”

(He starts digging through his wallet and doesn’t immediately find it.)

Customer: “I can also show you my scars from Vietnam!”

Me: “Just the ID will do fine.”

Tip Top

| Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(I am working as a cashier and an elderly lady comes in through my line.)

Old Lady: "Honey, you are always so nice to everybody. I bet no one ever does anything for you!"

Me: "Thank you! But that’s not true."

(I put the groceries in the cart for her, but she still stands by my register.)

Me: "Did you need anything else?"

Old Lady: "Here, you just take this as a lil’ thank-you from me!"

(She thrusts a couple of dollars at me. Mind you, there are cameras at every register and we aren’t allowed to take tips.)

Me: "I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept that. We don’t take tips."

Old Lady: "Take it, please!"

Me: "No, I really–"

Old Lady: "TAKE IT!"

(She then opens up my work shirt, puts the money inside, closes it, and pats my chest down.)

Old Lady: "Now you have a nice day!"

(There are guys from my college behind her and I’m red as a beet.)

One of the guys: "Heh heh, and how are you doin’?"

Upgrading Faster Than A Fox In A Fire

| North Carolina, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

(I’m working with a caller on a bug they’ve found on our website.)

Me: "Okay, I need to know what Internet browser you’re working on. Internet Explorer? Firefox?"

Caller: "I’m using Firefox."

Me: "Great, now do you know what version of Firefox you’re using?"

Caller: "Yes, I’m using version 12" *note: the highest version of Firefox is currently 3.6*

Me: *jokingly* "Firefox 12? That must mean you’re from the future! Wow! What’s the new Firefox like? In my time, we only have version 3.6."

Caller: "It’s pretty nice, I guess."

Me: *still jokingly* "Do you have hover-cars yet?"

Caller: "Um…"

Me: "Sorry, that was a joke. What I want you to do is email me a screen capture of the bug you’re experiencing, as well as of the specific version of Firefox you’re using. I can give you instructions on how to do so."

(30 minutes later I receive an email with the screen captures. Turns out she was using Internet Explorer 7.)

Weeding Out The Good Customers

| Outer Banks, NC, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Uncategorized

(It is a slow night and I am working with a co-worker when a guy walks in.)

Co-Worker: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have a room for tonight?”

Co-Worker: “Just tonight?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Co-Worker: “How many in your party?”

Customer: “Just one.”

Co-Worker: “Do you have a smoking preference?”

Customer: “Weed?”

Me: *just hearing the last part of the conversation* “What?”

Co-Worker: “We’re keeping him.”

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