Featured Story:
  • Making False Bald Statements
    (1,375 thumbs up)
  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    Curiosity Feeds The Cat

    | Victoria, Australia | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Can you help me please?”

    Me: “Yes, of course, what can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Well, I want to buy some food for my cat, but mine doesn’t look like the one on the packet. Can I still feed it to him?”

    Me: “Yes sir, of course.”

    Customer: “Wow, really? Thanks!”

    Some Films Are Just Sick

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Funny Names, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “Wow, I haven’t been to this theater since that movie Sex in the Time of Gonorrhea!”

    Me: “Um, what?”

    Customer: “Oops! I mean Love! Love in the Time of Gonorrhea“.

    Customer’s Friend: “I think you mean Love in the Time of Cholera.”

    Customer: “Isn’t that what I said?”

    How To Balls Up Simple Math

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Money

    Customer: “How much to play?”

    Me: “Two dollars for three balls.”

    Customer: “How much for three people?”

    Me: “Same price, so six dollars.”

    Customer: “How about five dollars for us all to have one ball?”

    Me: “Well, I’m getting the better end of that deal. So of course!”

    Customer: “Thanks. The boss doesn’t have to know.”

    Putting The Dumb In Random

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am checking out a customer and realize that one of the shirts he’s buying doesn’t have a barcode, so I ask a co-worker to find a similar shirt.)

    Me: “Do you remember where you found this shirt?”

    Customer: “It was on the clearance rack in the men’s department.”

    Me: “Alright, my co-worker is looking for it, but it could take a while.”

    Customer: “I don’t have time for that.”

    Me: “Sorry, do you not want the shirt then?”

    Customer: “I want the shirt.  I just don’t have time for her to find the dumb thing.”

    Me: “Well, there’s really nothing I can do without a number.”

    Customer: “Just type some random numbers in.”

    Me: “That won’t work.”

    Customer: “How do you know? You didn’t even try it.”

    Me: “Because I know it won’t work.”

    Customer: “Just try.”

    (I type in twelve random numbers and press enter, then turn the screen toward him to show a bright red “not a valid number” message.)

    Customer: “That’s because you didn’t type the right numbers!”

    Charge Me Once, Shame On You

    | Bangor, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $85.49, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I’ll be paying by cash, please.”

    (I press cash and wait for her. Instead, the customer picks up the stylus attached to my card signature pad and taps it against the screen.)

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “Just a moment. I’m waiting for the relevant screen to come up so I can sign my name.”

    (The customer proceeds to viciously stab the stylus into the screen, then smacks the side of it with her hand.)

    Me: “Umm, a signature isn’t required if you’re paying cash.”

    Customer: “What? Oh, well then.”

    (She fishes out her wallet and hands me a $100. I finish the transaction and am counting out her change when she picks up the stylus and begins stabbing the signature pad again.)

    Customer: “Now it’s just gone back to displaying the store logo. Where’s the option for me to authorize the amount?”

    Me: “A customer authorization is only required if you’re paying by debit, ma’am. You’ve already paid with cash so the transaction is finished.”

    (As I hand over her change, she looks down at the signature pad again.)

    Customer: “Well, can I still sign just to be sure you don’t charge me twice for this?”

    Page 1,891/2,567First...1,8891,8901,8911,8921,893...Last