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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Her Head’s Up In The Sky With Diamonds

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

    (A customer about the age of thirty walks into the store.)

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for some recent Beatles records. Do you have any?”

    Me: *assuming she means recent re-releases* “Hold on one second.”

    (I find some and hand it to her.)

    Customer: “Thank you so much! The Beatles are my favorite band! I would shoot myself if they ever broke up!”

    Customer behind her: “Well, get your gun ready.”

    Exchanges At This Rate Will Get You Nowhere

    | Brisbane, Australia | Money, Uncategorized

    Customer: “I need to pay this bill and the bank said I had to come to the post office.”

    Me: “Ok, that will be $625.80.”

    Customer: “No, it’s $500.”

    Me: “No, it’s $500 US. In Australian dollars, that’s $625.80.”

    Customer: “No, it says right there it’s $500. You are just discriminating against my daughter!”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “How else can you justify a $125 fee?”

    Me: “Our fee is $8; the Australian dollar is only around .8 of the American dollar.”

    Customer: “So what you are saying is, I would be better off paying a thousand dollars?”

    (This continues for some minutes until an old lady in line behind the customer speaks up.)

    Old Lady: “I’m going to have to go to another post office. This will never get resolved. This woman is just too stupid to live!”

    Stupidity Killed The Radio Star

    | Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

    (I work at a radio station. This caller is live on the air.)

    Me: “Hello! What would you like to hear?”

    Teenage Girl:Fireflies!”

    Me: “By Owl City?”

    Teenage Girl: “Woah! I hear my voice!”

    Me: “Yeah, you’re on the air.”

    Teenage Girl: “Molly! If you can hear this I’m so totally sorry about kissing your brother!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Teenage Girl: “Are you going to play I Like Big Butts or not?”

    Lack Of Heir Conditioning

    | South Carolina, USA | South Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

    Tenant: “The heat in my home hasn’t worked all winter! Do you know how much my children have suffered?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we can’t fix the problem if we don’t know about it. Why didn’t you call earlier?”

    Tenant: “I’ve already had my uncle look at the heater. It’s not fixable, and you owe me $60 for having him confirm that.”

    Me: “By law, we have to supply you with heat. We would have replaced your heater and given you wood to burn while doing so.”

    Tenant: “That’s okay. I’m burning the fence.”

    Me: “The privacy fence?”

    Tenant: “Yes! My babies need to be warm.”

    Me: “That’s treated wood.”

    Tenant: “My babies need to be warm!”

    What Wheels Around, Comes Around

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

    (I am a paralegal at a small law office; it’s 5:01 pm. I answer one last call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Law Office].”

    Caller: “What time are you open until?”

    Me: “We close at 5:00 pm.”

    Caller: “Oh, so you can’t help me today?”

    Me: “Well, all the lawyers are gone for the day, but maybe I can help you. What did you need?”

    Caller: “I need a motorized wheelchair. Can you bring a few over so I can see them? See, I’m in a wheelchair and disabled so it’s hard for me to get around.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a lawyers office.”

    Caller: “Lawyers, what lawyers? I don’t need no lawyers to get a wheelchair!”

    Me: “No, it’s a law office, perhaps you misdialed.”

    Caller: “Listen, I don’t think you understand. I need a motorized wheelchair. My worker has been saying that he’d make the arrangements for me but he’s said that for months.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is a lawyers office. I simply cannot bring wheelchairs to your home.”

    Caller: “So you won’t bring me a wheelchair? I’m disabled and I can’t get out of the house. This is discrimination and I know my rights! You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!”