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    While You’re At It, Do My Taxes Too

    | Reno, NV, USA |

    (It’s May 5th, and I’m remotely connected to a customer’s computer helping her with a billing issue.)

    Customer: “What race are you?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m only asking because it’s Cinco De Mayo, and I’m Mexican. Well, I have Mexican blood.”

    Me: “Oh.”

    Customer: ¬†”I need to go drink margaritas now. Could you just stay in my computer and do my billing for me? I’ll come back in the morning and print the bills out.”

    Me: “…”

    PB&Js In My PJs

    | California, USA |

    Me: “Hello?”

    Male caller: “Hi, I’d like a #9 and–”

    Me: “Uh, excuse me?”

    Male caller: “That was a #9.”

    Me: “This isn’t a sandwich store.”

    Male caller: “No? Where am I calling?”

    Me: “My… house?”

    Male caller: “Oh. Can you make me a sandwich anyway?”

    Drunk Dialin’

    | London, ON, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [phone company], how may I help you?”

    Customer: *slurring* “Yeeeaah, you f***ers owe me a 40 of Jack Daniels!”

    Me: “Pardon me?”

    Customer: “I SAID YOU OWE ME A 40 OF JACK!”

    Me: “Why is that, sir?”

    Customer: “Well, youse is the phone company, right? Youse guys make the phones ring, right?”

    Me: “Umm…”

    Customer: “My phone f***ing rang and I knocked my bottle over tryin’ to get it.”

    Me: “Oh, right.” *laughs*

    Customer: “YOU THINK I’M JOKIN’?! Get me a manager!”

    Me: “Sir, we’re not responsible for you knocking over your liquor.”

    Customer: “Yes you f***in’ are! I want a credit on my bill!”

    Me: *click*

    Customer Of The Week: So There!

    | Australia | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: Just Look At Bambie...
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    All Signs Point To Duh

    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information

    | Doncaster, UK |

    Caller: “I was wondering what stains you can get out of fabric? Can you get everything out?”

    Me: “What is the stain, exactly?”

    Caller: “Well, I was watching this woman on telly and I got a bit excited–”

    Me: *cuts him off* “–Oh yes, we can get THAT out.”

    Caller: “Do you want to know who it was?”

    Me: “Ummm…”

    Eavesdropping coworker: *grabs phone* “Ooh yes, tell us!”

    Caller: “Dolly Parton. She really does it for me!”

    (All unusual customer requests from that day forward were known as ‘Dolly Partons’.)

    Related:
    Way, Way Too Much Information
    TMI Redux
    TMI (Too Much Information)
    Way Too Much Information

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