Featured Story:
  • Providing A Self-Service Service
    (1,863 thumbs up)
  • April Theme Of The Month: Losing My Religion!
    Submit your story today!

    Fauxxx Pas

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, do you have coitus?”

    Me: *pause* “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Coitus! Do you have coitus?!”

    Me: “Alright, sir, I really hope I’m understanding you wrong, so I need you to say what you want a bit slower.”

    (He thinks for a long time, then slowly says the word, drawing out every letter.)

    Customer: “Curtains?”

    How To Ensure A Blanc Stare

    | Ypsilanti, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (A elderly couple come through my counter with some wine.)

    Me: *joking around* “Are you sure you two are old enough to have this tonight?” *holds up wine*

    Customer: “Kid, I have underwear old enough to buy that.”

    Customers Wife: *laughs hysterically*

    Actions Point Louder Than Words

    | Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Uncategorized

    Father: “Hi, I’m here to drop off my son.”

    (I notice there is another child with him, who is of Asian descent.)

    Me: “Is this other child yours too?”

    Father: “Oh no, he’s a foreign exchange student from Japan.”

    Me: “Oh! That’s nice. Does he speak English?”

    Father: “No, none at all, actually.”

    Me: “Well, does your son speak Japanese?”

    Father: “Not a lick.”

    Me: “How are we supposed to communicate with him? This is an outdoor camp, sir. He could get hurt if he can’t understand directions.”

    Father: “I’m sure you’ll be fine. Just point a lot.”

    Related:
    Shogun The Way To Go Home

    Tooth Isn’t The Only Thing Chipped

    | Lethbridge, AB, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, I was in a few days ago, and something I ate chipped my tooth. I called and your boss said you would reimburse me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it’s not our policy to offer cash reimbursement without the manager present. However, if you leave your information I will pass it along to the owners and we’ll see what we can do.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *stands there staring at me for a minute*

    Me: “Is there something else I could help you with?”

    Customer: “Are you going to give me the money?”

    Me: “No, sorry, like I said, that’s not within our policy.”

    Customer: “Oh, ok.”

    (I leave to refill another customers beverage. The customer robs my float container from the drawer through some sneaky maneuvering.)

    Me: *catching the customer at the door* “I’m going to need to take that back from you.”

    Customer: *reluctantly hands the float container back to me, looking forlorn* “But….but….it’s for ME!”

    Gluten-Free Is Not A Cure For Gluttony

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I work in a bakery where all the products are gluten free.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what are these things that look like chocolate chip cookies?”

    Me: “They’re chocolate chip cookies, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. And what are these things that look like éclairs?”

    Me: “They’re éclairs.”

    Customer: “And these things that look like fruit tarts?”

    Me: “They’re fruit tarts.”

    *pause*

    Customer: “So what the h*** does ‘gluten-free’ mean?”

    Page 1,890/2,619First...1,8881,8891,8901,8911,892...Last