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    The Tower Of Babble

    | New Zealand | At The Checkout, Language & Words

    (Note: I am of Asian descent.)

    Me: “Good morning!” *starts scanning groceries*

    Customer: “Ni hao!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m not Chinese.”

    Customer: “Konnichiwa!”

    Me: “I’m not–”

    Customer: “Shalom!”

    Me: “Sir, that’s not even–”

    Customer: “Namaste!”


    Customer: “I know so many languages! So many!

    Medication Frustration

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Health & Body

    Customer: “I’m picking up a prescription for [name].”

    Me: “Okay. Just a second.”

    (I check the drawer for the prescription and can’t find it.)

    Me: “When did you order it?”

    Customer: “Well, I saw the doctor on Monday.”

    Me: “So you came in on Monday?”

    Customer: “No, I went to the doctor’s on Monday.”

    Me: “Okay, so when did you drop your prescription off?”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I went to the doctor.”

    Me: “And did he give you a piece of paper that said what drugs you needed?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “That’s a prescription. You need to bring it here so that we know what you need.”

    Customer: “But I saw the doctor on Monday! Why didn’t he do it?”

    Me: “That’s not his job. That’s what pharmacists are for.”

    Customer: “So what, he’s a doctor but he’s not a pharmacist? Look, I saw him on Monday so he probably just did it then. You’re just not looking hard enough. Look for the things done on Monday!”

    Jane Austen-tacious

    | Connecticut, USA | Books & Reading, Movies & TV

    Customer: “Hi. Maybe you can help me. I saw a movie last night on TV. It was about those things that Oprah does? Do you know what it was?”

    Me: “What happened in the movie?”

    Customer: “Well, they read books, but only by this one person who writes books.”

    Me: “Like a book club?”

    Customer: “Yes! A book club! But the movie came from a book. What was the title?”

    Me: “Was it The Jane Austin Book Club?”

    Customer: “Yes! Would you have any books by Jane Austen?”

    Me: “Absolutely!”

    (I take her to our Jane Austen books. She is very excited and starts flipping through them.)

    Customer: “Hey, wait! There’s no photo of her! I want to see what she looks like!”

    Me: “I’m afraid there aren’t any photos of her.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “She lived two hundred years ago.”

    Customer: “Oh! So do all of her books take place in her time?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So…she didn’t write The Jane Austen Book Club?”

    No ID, No Idea

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Money

    Customer: “So how long will it take to receive my new debit card?”

    Me: “Five to seven days.”

    Customer: “How will I make sure no one uses my card?”

    Me: “Although there is no 100% fool proof way, you can start by writing ‘SEE ID’ on the back of the card so merchants can cross reference it with your ID for each transaction.”

    Customer: “Oh! I can’t do that, I do a lot of transactions online and they won’t be able to see my ID.”

    *long, awkward pause*

    Customer: “Never mind, just pretend I didn’t just say that.”

    Post Dramatic

    | Berlin, Germany | Family & Kids

    (I receive a call from an upset customer who is waiting for her mobile phone to be delivered.)

    Customer: “My daughter’s birthday was in February! Since then, we’ve been waiting for this mobile phone!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, I will forward this immediately to my colleagues and–”

    Customer: “I don’t know whether you’re a mother, but if you are you can understand the pain! How it feels if your own child is always waiting for her mobile phone!”

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