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    Label Whores

    , | Winchester, VA, USA |

    Customer: “I saw in your flier that y’all sell Swarovski crystal beads. ¬†Where would I find those?”

    Me: “In the beading aisle, ma’am. It’s the third up from the back, and the beads should be at the end nearest the wall.”

    Customer: “I already looked there! There aren’t any!”

    Me: ¬†”Oh, here they are, right here.”

    Customer: “Wait… are you sure?¬†Those don’t say Swarovski on them.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, they do, right here.”

    Customer: “Show me the ones that say Swarovski on them!”

    Me: “These ones right here, ma’am.”

    Customer: ¬†”No, no, no! The ones that SAY ‘Swarovski’ ON THEM!¬†Not on the cardboard!”

    Me: Wait… you want them to say Swarovski on the bead itself?”

    Customer: “Yes, of course!”

    Me: “Ma’am, these beads are tiny. There wouldn’t be room to write ‘Swarovski’ on them even if they wanted to or could. ”

    Customer: “Well, then why bother?”

    All Signs Point To Duh

    | Australia |

    Customer: “I bought these games yesterday, and I don’t want them. I want my money back.”

    Me: “Sorry, but I can’t give you cash back. I can exchange them for credit so you can choose something else.”

    Customer: “I was not told that when I bought them.”

    Me: “Yeah, sorry… but we do have signs up.” *I point to two of these signs*

    Customer: “Well, I’m illiterate, so I couldn’t know! Now give me my f***ing money!”

    Me: “As I said, I am sorry, but I can only do it as credit.”

    Customer: “But, there was no way I could know that when I bought them! I’m illiterate!”

    Me: “Well, there was no way we could know that when you bought them. Perhaps you could get a sign?”

    Related:
    All Signs Point To No

    Perhaps She Should Talk To General Protection Fault

    | Hudson, FL, USA |

    Customer: “I am calling to let you know that you are running an illegal operation.”

    Me: “Pardon me?”

    Customer: “That’s right! My computer says so right on the screen!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s a Microsoft error message that says, ‘Your program has performed an illegal operation’.”

    Customer: “There is nothing wrong with my computer! I have a 15 inch neck!” *hangs up*

    (I assume the customer was referring to her monitor… a 15 inch NEC.)

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    Lieutenant BSOD, Reporting For Duty

    So Much For A Discount

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, is there anything I can help you find today?”

    Male Customer: “Well, yeah, I’m trying to get something for my wife. It’s her birthday.”

    (He finally decides on a sweater.)

    Me: “Okay, now what size would you say your wife is?”

    Male Customer: “Um, well, she’s kind of small… maybe about your size. What size are you?”

    Me: “Well, I’m a small, so if she’s a similar height and build–”

    Male Customer: “She’s about the same size, I guess… except thinner and with bigger boobs.”

    Me: “…”

    A Nation Of Size Queens, Part 2

    | Prince Edward Island, Canada |

    Me: “Good evening! You have reached [campground name], how can I help?”

    Customer: “Excuse me miss, but will I need my parka? I hear it’s only 28 degrees up there today.”

    Me: “I wouldn’t imagine so. It’s hot and sunny outside. Everyone here is wearing shorts and t-shirts.”

    Customer: “Are you crazy?! It’s 28 degrees!”

    Me: “Sir, that’s in degrees Celsius.”

    Customer: ¬†”What do you mean Celsius? Is that like the number on the thermometer? Are your thermometers smaller in Canada? Is that why it’s 28?”

    Me: *gives up* “Yes, have a great night.”

    Related:
    A Nation Of Size Queens

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