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    Drunk Dialin’

    | London, ON, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [phone company], how may I help you?”

    Customer: *slurring* “Yeeeaah, you f***ers owe me a 40 of Jack Daniels!”

    Me: “Pardon me?”

    Customer: “I SAID YOU OWE ME A 40 OF JACK!”

    Me: “Why is that, sir?”

    Customer: “Well, youse is the phone company, right? Youse guys make the phones ring, right?”

    Me: “Umm…”

    Customer: “My phone f***ing rang and I knocked my bottle over tryin’ to get it.”

    Me: “Oh, right.” *laughs*

    Customer: “YOU THINK I’M JOKIN’?! Get me a manager!”

    Me: “Sir, we’re not responsible for you knocking over your liquor.”

    Customer: “Yes you f***in’ are! I want a credit on my bill!”

    Me: *click*

    Customer Of The Week: So There!

    | Australia | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: Just Look At Bambie...
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    All Signs Point To Duh

    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information

    | Doncaster, UK |

    Caller: “I was wondering what stains you can get out of fabric? Can you get everything out?”

    Me: “What is the stain, exactly?”

    Caller: “Well, I was watching this woman on telly and I got a bit excited–”

    Me: *cuts him off* “–Oh yes, we can get THAT out.”

    Caller: “Do you want to know who it was?”

    Me: “Ummm…”

    Eavesdropping coworker: *grabs phone* “Ooh yes, tell us!”

    Caller: “Dolly Parton. She really does it for me!”

    (All unusual customer requests from that day forward were known as ‘Dolly Partons’.)

    Related:
    Way, Way Too Much Information
    TMI Redux
    TMI (Too Much Information)
    Way Too Much Information

    Those Darned Falling Gas Prices

    | Vallejo, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I paid for $21 and it stopped at $15!”

    Me: “Is it full?”

    Customer: “No, I paid for $21!”

    Me: *squeezes nozzle* “Okay… I got a couple drops in, but I really think you’re full.”

    Customer: “But I put in $21. Why won’t it fill up? I know it isn’t full!”

    (At this point I pull the nozzle out and gas comes shooting out of her tank like Coke and Mentos.)

    Customer: “There’s a hole in my car, what can I do?!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, you’re just full.”

    Customer: “WHY?! This never happens at other gas stations! I don’t understand the problem!”

    The Perfect Customer

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (A customer wants a better plan than her current 150 minutes/month. I notice she never uses more than 100 minutes or so a month.)

    Me: ¬†”Well, Ma’am, since our plans have change and this amount of minutes seems to be perfect for you, I’m happy to tell you that I can give you the exact same plan for $30 a month and save you $10 a month.”

    Customer: “That’s not a deal. I said I wanted something better than what I have.”

    Me: “This is better. You’ll save $120 a year and based upon your usage, so this is perfect for you.”

    Customer: “How is this better for me if it’s the same plan? I don’t want to change.”

    Me: “So you don’t want me to change this to a $10 per month cheaper plan?”

    Customer: ¬†”I said NO! I don’t want to save money if I get no more minutes out of it.”

    Me: “Deal.”

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