October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Howard Hughes Goes Shopping, Part 2

| Clovis, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to know if these clothes will fit.”

Me: “Sure, our fitting room is right over there.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to try them on. I want to know if they will fit.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unless you try them on, I can’t say if they will fit or not.”

Customer: “I do not try on clothes in store because they have other people’s cells in them. I do not want to touch other people’s cells. My neighbor had diseases and I burned his house down, and the guy at the 7-11 is sick so I don’t go in there no more!”

Howard Hughes Goes Shopping


| Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Does this printer use ink?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And I have to buy the ink separate?”

Me: “Yes, once the ink runs out. It actually costs quite a bit compared to the two dollars this used printer is priced at.”

Customer: “Oh, well I don’t want that. Where can I get a printer that doesn’t use ink?”

Lost In Time And Retail Space

| Billings, MT, USA | Top

(I’ve worked in the store for over a year. There is also a small pin on my badge saying ‘serving you since 2008’.)

Customer: “Hi! Are you new? I haven’t seen you here before.”

Me: “Actually, no, I’ve worked here for a year and a half.”

Customer: “No way! I shop here everyday! I’ve never seen you!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you that I’ve worked here for that long. Look at my name badge.”

Customer: “I want to see your manager! You’re a liar! It says you’ve been here since 2008!”

Me: “I have.”

Customer: “Who did you steal that pin from?”

Me: “It’s mine.”

(My manager comes over.)

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “This girl is a liar! She’s says she worked here since 2008!”

Manager: “She has.”

Customer: “2008 hasn’t even happened yet!”

Picture Imperfect

| United Kingdom | Uncategorized

(I am speaking to a woman who is wanting to specify a ring valued at £4,000.)

Me: “Okay, so just to let you know that because the item is valued at over £1,500, you will need to provide proof of its value if you do have to make a claim on it.”

Customer: “So a receipt would be okay?”

Me: “That’ll be fine, but for peace of mind a lot of people take pictures of their more expensive items in case they do need to claim on them because of loss or theft.”

Customer: *long pause* “Um… how am I supposed to take a picture of it if I have lost it?”

Me: “You…you take a picture of it before you lose it.”

Customer: “Oh! That makes more sense now. I thought you were saying I’d have to find it again so I can take a picture to claim for it.”

Pre(Car)ious Insurance

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(I rent out loaner cars at a luxury-car dealership and try to loan similar cars to customers unless they are already booked.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we are out of luxury cars today. I have another vehicle that we can get you going in.”

Customer: “No. I dropped off a luxury car, I should get one as a loaner.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have any available right now. This other car is actually very nice, and quite–”

Customer: “I refuse to drive that car! It’s not safe! What if someone crashes into me while I’m driving? There are too many crazies on the road, and I demand a safe car to drive!”

(A luxury loaner vehicle returns unexpectedly and I offer it to the customer.)

Me: “Would you like to purchased the additional coverage on the loaner vehicle in case of an incident?”

Customer: “Of course not! Like anything’s going to happen!”

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