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    Oh Sweet Irony, How Thou Dost Tease Me

    | Peoria, IL, USA |

    (I am a booth girl at a car wash: I tell customers about our products, mark their choice, and give them a ticket. There is a giant 4′ by 2′ sign on my booth that lists everything in detail.)

    Me: “Hi, can I suggest our Premier package today?”

    Customer: “How much does it cost?”

    Me: *motions towards board* “$16.95.”

    Customer: “What comes with it?”

    Me: *motions to board again, listing options*

    Customer: “What’s the difference between that and the number 2?”

    Me: *motions third time, lists options*

    Customer: “What about he number 2 and number 1? Does number 3 come with the clean car guarantee? Is there an oversize charge for my Denali?”

    (ALL of this is listed in huge letters right in front of her face. She finally makes a decision.)

    Customer: “I’ll take the number 3, but I don’t want any wax.”

    Me: “No problem, I’ll mark your window to let them know to skip the wax.”

    Customer: “I sure hope they read!”

    Me: *ultimate facepalm*

    DualShock Depreciation

    , | Washington, USA |

    (This is during Christmas time 2001 and a lot of people came in for stocking stuffers and such. I’m stocking some generic potato chips and an old woman approaches me. Keep in mind, this is a DOLLAR STORE.)

    Old Woman: “Excuse me…”

    Me: “Hello, may I help you find something?”

    Old Woman: “Yes, do you folks have Playstation 2s?”

    Me: “Uh… no, ma’am. I’m sorry, we don’t.”

    Old Woman: “Oh, well, they were out of ‘em at [chain electronics store], so I thought you folks might have ‘em.”

    Me: “Well, we carry mostly overstock. Besides, PlayStation 2′s are worth far more than just one dollar so I’m pretty sure we’ll never carry them…”

    Old Woman: “What about after Christmas?”

    Me: “Yeah, I don’t think so.”

    The Blind Leading The Blind

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Top

    (I’m helping an elderly customer look for a book when some guy interrupts, speaking gibberish. I can’t understand what he’s saying at all.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, could you try to describe it?”

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    (The elderly customer apparently understands and begins speaking to the guy.)

    Elderly customer: *gibberish*

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    Elderly customer, to me: “Music books?”

    Me: “Over there.”

    Elderly customer: *gibberish*

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    Elderly customer, to me: “Where?”

    Me: “In the corner.”

    Elderly customer: *gibberish*

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    (The gibberish guy leaves.)

    Me: “Uh, thanks for the translation.”

    Elderly customer: “Oh, I speak a little of everything.”

    Me: “What language were they speaking?”

    Elderly customer: “I don’t know.”

    I Just Called To Say I Hate You

    | Hammond, LA, USA |

    (This conversation happened a week after Hurricane Katrina; the store was understaffed, we had more customers than we could handle, and prescriptions were taking 4-6 days to get filled. I also had a long line at the front of the store and was the only cashier up front.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how may I help you today?”

    Customer: “I just want to let you know how angry I am right now.”

    Me: “Well, what is the problem, ma’am? ”

    Customer: “I brought a prescription in four days ago and it still isn’t ready.”

    Me: “Ok, well hold on while I transfer your call to our pharmacy.”

    Customer: “No! I already spoke with them and they said there was nothing they could do right now.”

    Me: “Alright ma’am, well I can transfer you to one of my managers.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to talk to them, I just want to let y’all know how angry I am right now.”

    Me: “Look, I understand, would you like me to transfer you to a manager or the pharmacy?”

    Customer: “I already told you no! I just want to let you know how mad I am right now and that I will not be shopping in your store again.”

    Me: “Look lady, they pay me $6.00 an hour. I honestly don’t care, but I will be more than happy to transfer you to someone who might! I am the only cashier and have a very long line, I don’t have time for this!”

    Customer: “I just called to tell you–”

    Me: *click*

    Carrie 3: Disaster In The Deli

    , | Choctaw, OK, USA |

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant], what can I get get you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, which of these sandwiches are five dollars?”

    Me: “Just these eight behind me.”

    (I point to a very large sign that has a giant “5″ on it and a list of our five dollar footlong subs.)

    Customer: “Oh, okay…”

    (She gives me the order of three subs and I make them.)

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $20.47.”

    Customer: “What?! Why the h*** are they that expensive? You said that they were five dollars!!”

    (By this time all the yelling she’s doing has turned her face blood red: this is important for later in the story.)

    Me: “Well yes, those eight over there. All three of the ones you ordered are not.”

    Customer: “That’s not true! I got them off the board you told me about!”

    (She points at the board NEXT to the one I talked about which lists our six inch subs.)

    Me: “No, ma’am, that’s our six inch board. The one next to it with the GIANT FIVE on it are the five dollar subs.”

    Customer: “Well, aren’t you a f***ing carnival weasel! You said those were five dollars!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding–wait, did you just call me a carnival weasel?”

    Customer: “YOU HEARD ME, CAAARNIVAAL WEEASELLLL!”

    Me: “Alright. Well, ma’am, I’m getting a line here so would you just like me to remake your sandwiches so we can move?”

    Customer: “F*** YOU!”

    (She suddenly gets a massive nose bleed which gets all over the counter and the floor. As she storms out cursing and bleeding, the customers applaud and even help me clean it up before ordering. )

    Coworker: “She called you a carnival weasel!”

    Me: “Yeeeaah. Well, have fun with that…”

    (I still see that lady every now and then come up to the door, see me, turn around and leave.)


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