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    Maine, Mars, Same Difference

    | Maine, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** business customer service. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Where y’all at, India?!”

    Me: “No sir, I’m in Maine.”

    Customer: “Maine? Where the h***’s that?”

    Me: “Northern New England, sir.”

    Customer: “England, I thought you sounded funny.”

    (Note I have a VERY slight New England accent and this guy sounded like a Southern good ol’ boy).

    Me: “No, NEW England sir, northeastern United States.”

    Customer: “Oh, up in Canada then! Well you done learned English pretty good I guess!”

    Me: “…”

    Related:
    Cancun, Oahu, Same Difference

    Goodwill Running Out About… Now

    | Marion, IL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** Inns and Suites, how may I help you tonight?”

    Customer: “Yes, my plane was delayed, so I need to cancel my reservation in Vegas and get a room here.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Let me look that up for you.”

    (I take his information, call the hotel, and talk them into canceling the reservation even though their policy said he should have had to pay for it because of the short notice. I put in the extra effort because I felt bad for the guy.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I’ve taken care of that and made you a new reservation at a hotel there. Your total for the room is going to be $89.”

    Customer: “But my flight was delayed and I had to cancel my other reservation. My stay should be free!”

    Me: “Well, you’ll have to check with the airline. They should pay for all or part of your hotel stay.”

    Customer: “They told me you’d pay for it.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I’m not sure why they would have told you that. The airline is responsible for the delay. We are not and we can’t give you a free stay. You’re going to have to talk to them.”

    Customer: “Look, you’re going to give me a f****ing free night in the f****ing hotel here. You have to. My flight was canceled.”

    Me: “Sir, I have to ask you not to curse at me. I will terminate the call.”

    Customer: “Look, b****–” *click*

    (I received five or six hang up calls in the next 30 minutes, which I assume were his attempts to get another agent. Unfortunately for him, I was the only person working after midnight. I no longer felt bad for him.)

    Postman 1, Preemptive Strike 0

    | Killeen, TX, USA |

    (I’m waiting in line and overhear a conversation between the customer in front of me and postman at the front counter.)

    Customer: “I need to ship this package out.”

    Postman: “Okay, would you like to upgrade this to priority shipping?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to send this by regular mail. ¬†I don’t need anything else or any other services.”

    Postman: “Okay, that’ll be $10.00 for the shipping. Do you need any stamps today?”

    Customer: “No! No stamps, no certified mail, no post office box, no passport. I just need to ship this package out–that’s it. Did I miss anything?!”

    Postman, without skipping a beat: “Do you need any money orders today, ma’am?”

    Troubleshooting Tip #56: No Cramming Cold Cuts

    | Valparaiso, IN, USA |

    Me: “Xbox 360 customer service, how may I help you?”

    Client: “Yes, my Xbox 360 isn’t working, but it doesn’t have that red light thingy in the front. I DEMAND to know what is wrong with it!”

    Me: “Sir, you’re going to have to be a little more specific. Is your power supply functioning properly?”

    Client: “Of course it is, do I sound stupid to you?”

    Me: “No sir… can I get your console number?”

    Client: “On the bottom of the disk drive?”

    Me: “No, its not–”

    Client: “OHHH, I found the problem, there was some baloney in the disk drive…” *click*

    Fortunately, It’s Raining Pork Barrels And Earmarks

    | Lansing, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (Background: I work at a small round lake about a mile in diameter. From any point on the shore you can see the edge of the lake all around. The lake is used for fishing and as such is full of sand and seaweed and fish.)

    Patron: “Hi, can you tell me what ocean this is?”

    Me: “Sir, this is a fresh water man-made lake, not an ocean.”

    Patron: “I mean, what ocean is it connected to?”

    Me: “It’s not connected to an ocean. It’s a man-made lake.”

    (The patron pauses and obviously decides to come at this from another angle.)

    Patron: “What river feeds this lake?”

    Me: “This lake used to be a gravel pit before they filled it in with water. It’s not connected to the river system. It’s man-made.”

    Patron: “Well, where does all the water come from?”

    Me: “The lake is filled with rainwater, mostly.”

    Patron: “That’s awful! I don’t want to let my kids swim in rain water… it’s dirty. You should keep the rain out of the lake!”

    Me: *sarcastically* “I totally agree. Maybe we can spend tax dollars on a tarp to cover the lake when it rains.”

    Patron: “That’s an excellent idea! I hope you mention that to your supervisors!”


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