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    Adapt Your Knowledge Or Become Incontinent

    | FL, USA | Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    (A customer is looking for a travel adapter for Egypt.)

    Me: “Here is one that will work. It is for Africa?”

    Customer: “I am not going to Africa. I am going to Egypt!”

    Me: “Egypt is on the African continent.”

    Customer: “Africa is a continent?”

    You’ll Wanna Sit Down For This One

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Movies & TV, Uncategorized

    (A guest hands me a ticket for a movie that doesn’t start for another hour.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We’re not ready to let people in for this show yet.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “There are still people in the auditorium watching the last showing of this movie.”

    Customer: *stare* “I don’t get it.”

    Me: “We need to wait for the people to leave. Then, we will clean the theater, and then you can go in.”

    Customer: “You mean I’ll be sitting in a seat someone just sat in!?”

    Me: “Most likely, yes.”

    Customer: “That’s unsanitary!”

    Me: “That’s how movie theaters work, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, if my seat is warm, I want a refund!”

    A-Pee-l For An Appointment

    | OR, USA | Health & Body, Uncategorized

    (Some of the exams we schedule require that a patient have a full bladder at the time of the exam in order to get the appropriate images.)

    Caller: “Hi, I was hoping you might have an opening for an OB ultrasound this afternoon?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the schedule is actually very full today. I could get her in tomorrow afternoon if you’d like?”

    Caller: “No, that’s okay. She’s just here now with a full bladder and we didn’t want to waste it.”

    Don’t Get Your Pantyhose In A Twist

    | Canada | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

    (The phone rings. My co-worker, a very proper, older lady, answers it.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling [name of store] Beauty Department. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you have pantyhose on?”

    Coworker: “I beg your pardon?”

    Caller: “Do you have pantyhose on?”

    Coworker: *shocked* “Oh my! Such filth! I have never in my life!”

    (She hangs up and runs to the break room completely flustered. A minute later the phone rings again and I answer it this time.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store name] Beauty Department, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes hello, I would like to know if you have pantyhose on sale this week? My husband called to check for me a moment ago and somebody hung up on him.”

    An Authorized Idiot

    | Benicia, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

    (A customer calls the store and asks me to look up a book for her.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can not find a book with that title. Do you know who the author is? I might be able to find it that way.”

    Customer: “I don’t know who the author is, but I know who wrote it!”

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