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  • Raise A Broken Glass To That Employee
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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    On Sale: Humble Pie

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, how are you today? I see you have picked out a lot of our sale items today.”

    Customer: “Yes I did! I think these sales are great!”

    (I smile as I continue ringing in her items.)

    Customer: “Um, this cereal is $1.99, not $2.99.”

    Me: “It says right here that this cereal is $2.99. You must just be mistaken with another brand. It can get pretty confusing sometimes.”

    Customer: “No, that cereal is $1.99! You’re wrong! I know it is, I saw it like that on the shelf!”

    Me: “My apologies, the sign must be for another product. I will call someone to go check–”

    Customer: “No! The sign said that this cereal is 1.99! I will go and get it myself for you then!”

    Me: “It’s alright, I can just get one of our employees to go and check that for you, there is no need–”

    Customer: “I WILL SHOW YOU I AM RIGHT!”

    (The customer storms away, leaving me at the speedy checkout with a line of 10 people. She soon returns looking flustered.)

    Customer: “Debit, please.”

    Immeasurable Confusion

    | Santa Monica, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, [pizza place].”

    Customer: “Hi, it says you have a nine inch small pizza. How big is that?”

    Me: “Nine inches, six slices.”

    Customer: “But how big is it?”

    Me: “The diameter of the pizza is approximately nine inches. There are six slices.”

    Customer: “Like, ok, but you already told me that. How big is it?”

    Me: “I’m not sure what other metric to use. The pie is slightly smaller across than a third of a meter.”

    Customer: *brief pause* “Okay, what size is the medium?”

    Me: “Twelve inches, six slices.”

    Customer: *another brief pause* “The small has six too. So they’re the same size?!”

    Spiritual, Not Psychic

    | Florida, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I would like help finding a book.”

    Me: “Sure, what’s the title?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know.”

    Me: “Okay, who is the author?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Okay, can you tell me the subject and maybe we can still find it.”

    Customer: “It’s for a friend. It’s about spiritual something.”

    (I search ‘spiritual’ just to see what happens.)

    Me: “Okay, my computer is showing over 6,000 results. Is there anyway we can narrow the search?”

    Customer: “Isn’t that your job?”

    Daddy’s Little (Working) Girl

    | Texas, USA | Uncategorized

    Caller: “Are you hiring right now?”

    Me: “Yes sir, we are hiring for the infant room.”

    Caller: “Oh, that won’t work. My daughter is 6.”

    Me: “Are you wanting to bring your daughter to our daycare facility?”

    Caller: “Yes. How much do you pay?”

    Me: “Well, I’m not at liberty to discuss what the employees get paid. But, for your daughter’s age, we charge $95 a week.”

    Caller: “So, she will get paid $95 a week?”

    Me: “No, sir. That is what we charge for you to bring your daughter here for the employees to look after, teach, and have play time.”

    Caller: “So she can’t get a job here? She won’t be making any money? F*** it. I’ll call someone else who will give her a job.”

    To Have And To Hold On To The Remote

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I bought a TV from you last week, and one of my friends told me I need a universal remote control for it.”

    Me: “Right. Was it a TV off display?”

    Customer: “No, a new one in a box.”

    Me: “Did you not get one in the box?”

    Customer: “Yes, but the wife has that! If she’s sitting on one couch and I’m on the other couch and I want to change the channel, what is she supposed to do, throw it to me?”

    Me: “You could ask her to change the channel for you.”

    Customer: *chuckles* “That’s not how marriage works son. I’ll just buy this one.”

    Me: “Right, but if you both have a remote then you’ll keep changing the channel on each other and never see a full programme.”

    Customer: *chuckles again* “Oh son, one day you’ll learn how the world works.”

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