Age Before Cutie

| Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

(This happened about 6 or 7 years ago when I was a teenager. I had long hair then and sometimes wore it in pigtails. I’m finishing up a transaction with a customer.)

Customer: “Aw, I just love your hair! It looks so cute!”

Me: “Thanks! I like wearing it up like this, but it makes me look younger than I am. I get called ‘hun’ and ‘sweetheart’ a lot when it’s up.”

Customer: *gasps* “Now you listen here! I’m one of those ones who calls people ‘hun’ and I don’t like your attitude. You need to learn to take a compliment and not be such a brat!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: *grabs her stuff out of my hands, marches away, and slams the door behind her*

You Got The Wrong(est) Item

| Redlands, CA, USA | Top

(A mother approaches me with her daughter.)

Customer: “I’m hosting some of my daughters friends for the night and I couldn’t find your condoms.” *puts her hand on her daughter’s head* “Lucy is turning 13.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, condoms! Ketchup and mustard. We’re having a BBQ. It’s simple. Where are they?”

Me: “Oh! Condiments.”

Customer: “Yes, condoms. Where are they?”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

It’s Not Just The Bread That’s Thick

| Madison, WI, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “How thick do you slice my bread?”

Me: “It depends how thick you’d like it. We have both a thin and thick slicer.” *gestures to show each thickness*

Customer: “Are you sure that’s as thick as you slice the bread? Show me a thick slice. Maybe you got it wrong.”

Me: “Okay, one moment.” *gets a thick slice of bread*

Customer: “That’s it? THAT’S your thick slice? You didn’t grab the thin by mistake?”

Me: “No, sir, I made sure to get a thick slice. I don’t have to slice it if you’d rather do it yourself.”

Customer: “No! I shouldn’t have to slice it myself to make it filling! You should change your bread. I’m used to good, thick European bread. You shouldn’t even be called a bakery, you don’t make real bread!”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t actually make the bread. I just sell it.”

Customer: “Oh, and I suppose you didn’t name the company either?”

Me: “No, I didn’t.”

Customer: “DON’T GET SMART WITH ME!”

Gift Barred

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(A guest orders her ticket and pulls out her wallet.)

Customer: “Oh, I have a gift card!”

(The guest holds out white plastic card with our logo on it.)

Me: “This is an employee swipe card. We use them for signing in and out at the beginning and end of a shift.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “Where did you get this?”

Customer: “I found it.”

(The guest is about to return the card to her wallet.)

Me: “I’m going to need to hold on to that…”

It’s Difficult To Make It Any Simpler

| Nashville, TN, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, this is *** how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I just bought a Xbox 360 and it doesn’t work.”

Me: “Could you describe the problem ma’am?”

Caller: “It won’t turn on. I took it out of the box and it won’t turn on.”

Me: “Are all the cables plugged into the system TV and wall outlet?”

Caller: “I have to plug it in?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It will not work unless it is plugged in.”

Caller: “How do I do that?”

(I go through the steps of connecting the AV cables and the power plug.)

Caller:  “It still won’t turn on.”

Me: “Did you push the power button?”

Caller: “What’s that?”

Me: “The big round button on the front of the console.”

Caller: “I don’t know why you make these machines so difficult to use!” *hangs up*

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