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    No, But They Do A Wonderful Brogue

    | Scotland, UK |

    Me: “Hi, do you need any help?”

    Guy at the zoo: “Yeah… do the chimps, like, speak English?”

    Me: “Ummm…. no.”

    Neverending Query

    | Beaufort, SC, USA |

    (The phone rings at 11pm, although our restaurant has been closed since 10pm.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

    Me: “Sorry ma’am, we’re closed.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand, why are you answering the phone?”

    Me: “I have to. Even though we’re closed, we still might get important phone calls.”

    Customer: “I still don’t understand, why are you closed?”

    Me: “We have regular business hours to follow, and on weekdays we’re only open till 10pm.”

    Customer: “But I don’t understand… why are you answering the phone if you’re closed, then?”

    Me: *face desk*

    (It went in circles like that for about ten minutes. I finally got tired of her ‘why’ questions and it had really had been a horrible night… so, I hung up the phone.)

    Me, to other employees: “You wouldn’t believe this lady…”

    *phone rings*

    Me: “Thank you for choosing ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “So why are you still answering the phone if you’re closed?”

    Me: *multiple face desks*

    Living On The Edge, Part 2

    , , | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Me: “Thanks for your purchase. Would you please sign anywhere on the receipt?”

    Customer:¬†”Anywhere?”

    Me: “Anywhere.”

    Customer: “But there’s no line!”

    Me: “That’s right–the printer doesn’t draw a line for this type of receipt, so just sign anywhere on the receipt.”

    Customer: “Anywhere?”

    Me: “Anywhere.”

    Customer: “But there’s no LINE!”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Related:
    Living On The Edge

    And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam…

    , | Santa Ana, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, I seem to have a problem with my online banking.”

    Me: “Okay, I’d be happy to help…”

    (I identify her and find nothing wrong with her accounts, flags or overdrafts.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not seeing anything wrong on our end. Can you describe what the problem is?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what the problem is. I just got a message from you that said ‘Contact Us’.”

    Me: “Okay, can you read me the message you received?”

    Customer: “It says ‘Contact Us’.”

    Me: “That’s all, contact us and that’s it? No explanation?”

    Customer: “That’s all! It just says ‘Contact Us’ in blue letters right above my messages.”

    Me: “Wait, above your messages? You mean the link?”

    Customer: “The what?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the blue message to contact us is a hyperlink to a blank letter. It wasn’t telling you to contact us; the link is always there for feedback, like a suggestion box.”

    Customer: “Oh… well, can I please speak with your supervisor! I cannot be the only one who thought this!”

    (I transfer her over and proceed to bang my head against my keyboard.)

    How About A Coupon For A Free Psych Evaluation

    | Montana, USA |

    Me: “Ma’am, with this order, you received a free coupon for Cover Girl Cosmetics.”

    Customer: “What, do you think I need it?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “That’s very rude, telling someone they need makeup!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not suggesting you need makeup.¬†I’m just offering it to you because the computer printed it out.”

    Customer: “Oh, what, now the computer thinks I need makeup?”

    Me: “No, ma’am… it prints out coupons for random items.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t need it any coupons from you, so there!” *storms off*

    Me: *rubbing my temples* “Have a good day, ma’am.”


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