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    Get A (Second) Life

    | Waterford, Ireland | Uncategorized

    Customer: “How long will the internet house move take?”

    Me: “7-10 working days.”

    Customer: “Are you serious? What about my Farmville?”

    Me: “Sorry, but that’s how long it takes.”

    Customer: “But my crops will wither and die!”

    Pissy Comitatus

    | Mansfield, OH, USA | Uncategorized

    (While waiting for his appointment, a client abruptly gets up and leaves. When he returns, he is furious.)

    Client: “Why do you lock people out of your bathrooms?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We have a key here. I’m happy to give it to you. The building keeps the restrooms locked so that people can’t walk in off the street and use them.”

    Client: “Well, what good does that do me now? I thought I wasn’t allowed in, so I had to pee in the parking lot.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you peed in the parking lot?”

    Client: “You people left me no choice!”

    Make A Pesto Oneself

    | Italy | Top

    (I am a 17 year old girl working at a pizzeria. A tourist who looks about forty approaches me, looking angry.)

    Tourist: “How dare you sell this food in an Italian restaurant!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not entirely sure what you mean.”

    Tourist: “This food! Don’t you know that pizza and ice cream are American? How dare you take credit for what we have done! This is ridiculous! I am going to sue you!”

    Me: “Sir, that really isn’t necessary. I–”

    Tourist: “Don’t you take that tone with me! Stop sounding all professional! It’s annoying!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, you-”

    Tourist: “Shut up! This food is American! How dare you be so racist against Americans!

    Me: “Sir, I am originally American, so why would I–”

    Tourist: “This food is American!”

    Me: “Sir, I–”

    Tourist: “American!”

    Me: “Ask anyone anywhere. Look it up on the Internet, even. I assure you that all this food is Italian.”

    Tourist: “The customer is always right!” *storms off*

    (I continue to serve customers. 25 minutes later he comes in again.)

    Tourist: “Yeah, so I looked it up. Turns out it was Italian. Uh, so can I have your number?”

    (No Way) Back To The Future

    | California, USA | Uncategorized

    (An oddly-dressed man approaches my concessions stand, looking a bit worried.)

    Me: “Hi there, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “What time is it?”

    Me: “About a quarter to 11.”

    Customer: “But what time EXACTLY is it?”

    Me: “Ah…it’s exactly 10:47, sir.”

    Customer: “AM or PM?”

    Me: “Um, AM.”

    Customer: “Thank you! And what day is it?”

    Me: “It’s Tuesday, sir.”

    Customer: “No, no! What is the day of the month?”

    Me: “It’s July 14th.”

    Customer: “Thank you. What is the year?”

    Me: “Um, 2009.”

    Customer: “10:47 am on July 14th, 2009? Oh no, I’m late!”

    Extremely Last Minute Shopping

    | Fairfax, VA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, ma’am! Is there something I can help you find?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for this jacket for a ski trip. Do you have this one?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. They are over there on that fixture. Let me know if I can check for a size in the back.”

    (The customer goes off, looks at the jackets then comes back.)

    Customer: “There wasn’t the size I needed on the rack. Could you check in the back?”

    Me: *checks in back* “Sorry, ma’am. We don’t have that size.”

    Customer: “What?! Why don’t you have it?”

    Me: “Well, I can order it for you. It will only take about a week.”

    Customer: “I can’t wait a week.”

    Me: “We can also expedite shipping. When do you leave?”

    Customer: “I’m on my way to the airport.”

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