Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Your Connection Is Totally Forked
    (1,931 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    All The World’s A Book

    | Scotland, UK |

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’m wondering if you can help me?”

    Me: “Sure, how can I help?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a book.”

    Me: “Right, what book is that?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a dictionary.”

    (I take the customer to the dictionary section, but she shakes her head.)

    Customer: “No, it’s not a dictionary, it’s just a book.”

    Me: “Well, I’m afraid I need to know a bit more than that to find it for you.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not a book, it’s a box.”

    Me: “A box?”

    Customer: “Not really, it’s kind of a box and you put things in it. Like a box.”

    Me: “So it’s not a book?”

    Customer: “Yes, it is also a book.”

    (Turns out she was looking for a safe.)

    Military Intelligence, Part 3

    | Portsmouth, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Military, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in an English branch of a US coffee chain. Because we’re a naval town, US navy ships always stop here and the sailors come in for ‘a taste of home’…)

    Me: “Hello, what would you like?”

    Sailor 1: “One of your chocolate frappuccinos.”

    Me: “OK. What size do you want?”

    Sailor 1: “Erm… can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Yeah, go on then.”

    Sailor: “Are your frappuccinos made with ice, like they are back in the states?”

    Sailor 2: “Yeah, good point man!”

    Me: “Yes, yes they are made with ice.”

    Sailor 2: “Is that British ice or do you get it, like, flown over from the States so it tastes the same?”

    Me: “…”

    Sailor 1: “Dude! Yeah! Is it going to taste the same as it does at home?!”

    Me: “Why don’t you try it and let me know?”

    Sailors 1 & 2: “Yeahhh…”

    (Their ship was over for about a week and true to their word, they came back to inform me that their drinks did in fact taste the same as they did back home.)

    Related:
    Military Intelligence, Part 2
    Military Intelligence

    Customer Of The Week

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story

    Please Do Not Titillate The Employees

    | Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, USA |

    (I’m 17 and am volunteering at the museum for a ride that takes you on a trip to Mars.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can my son go in there?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am. There’s no room and this is the last ride.”

    Customer: “Hmph.” *drags her son away and whispers something to him*

    Customer’s son: “Um, hi.”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer’s son: “My mom told me to flirt with you so I could see the ride.”

    Me: “Uh… yeah. I can’t let you do that.”

    Customer’s son: “Okay.” *goes back to his mother*

    Customer: “Well, fine then, young lady. I want to see your manager.”

    Me: “Okay, he’s the man over there in the blue shirt with gold collars.”

    Customer: “I’m going to tell him you won’t flirt with my son!” *goes away and takes her son with her*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    A Law Degree In Second-Degree Burns

    | Missoula, MT, USA |

    (Our convenience store is on a college campus, and we have five different kinds of coffee in self-serve urns).

    Customer: “Wow, this coffee is really hot!”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “What if I spill it or something? I could get burned!”

    Me: “Well, yes. But it’s coffee. Coffee is usually hot.”

    Customer: “Well, I could sue you, you know. I heard about a woman who sued because the coffee burned her.”

    Me: “I don’t know that you could, actually. That was–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “Yeah, but I don’t see any signs.”

    (I point to large signs on all the coffee urns saying “Caution: Contents HOT“.)

    Customer: “I could still sue.”

    Me: “Yeah, but you’re a college student. We assume you can read.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah? Betcha I could prove I can’t!”

    Me: “…”

    Page 1,886/2,187First...1,8841,8851,8861,8871,888...Last