When Matter Doesn’t Matter

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Math & Science

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Gatorade?”

Me: “No, but we do have Powerade.”

Customer: “Does it have electrons in it?”

Me: “No, do you mean electrolytes?”

Customer: “No, electrons.”

Me: “I hope so.”

Emulation Alienation

| Maryland, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Note: It takes me ten minutes to determine the caller is actually on a Mac running a Windows emulation program.)

Me: “Does your mouse have one big button?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “So, you are on a Mac? This game is not supported on a Mac. I can’t help you. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. I am running Windows 98.”

Me: “Look at the side of the computer. Is there a big apple logo on it?”

Customer: “Of course there is. It’s an Apple computer.”

Me: “Which means it’s MacOS. This game does not run on that OS.”

Customer: “But I am in Windows mode.”

Me: “Are you using SoftWindows to emulate a Windows 98 OS?”

Customer: “Yes?”

Me: “We don’t support our titles on that.”

Customer: “What if I tried changing the drivers?”

Me: “No, that wouldn’t work sir.”

Customer: “What if I tried changing other settings?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. Sir, if you want me to help get it working the system it was designed for I would be happy to do that but I can’t help with emulated Window OS’s on a Mac.”

Customer: “What if I tried it on my games console?”

Me: “The Windows version of this game won’t work on a…hang on. Take the disk out of the drive and tell me what color the bottom of it is.”

Customer: “Black.”

Me: “This is the console version of the game. Did you try it on your console?”

Customer: “Yes. I worked fine there.”

Me: “So, why are you trying to run a console game on a Macintosh with an emulated version of Windows on it?”

Customer: “I thought it would run faster?”

Death Refunds Her

| Minnesota, USA | At The Checkout, Money

Customer: “I’d like to return these pants.”

Me: “Was there something wrong with them?”

Customer: “No, I don’t think so. They were my mother’s, but she died.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

Customer: “It’s okay. Here’s the receipt.”

Me: “Did she wear these pants?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “The tags are off.”

Customer: “She just did that to try them on.”

Me: “But there’s a Kleenex in the pocket.”

Customer: “Well, she’s not going to be wearing them anymore. She died.”

Me: “I understand, but if there wasn’t anything wrong with them and they’ve already been worn then I can’t return them.”

Customer: “Wouldn’t you rather let someone buy them who is going to wear them?”

Me: “That’s not for me to decide. If there’s nothing wrong with them, I can’t return them.”

Customer: “Well, there’s something wrong then! They have a hole in them.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Where’s the hole?”

*long pause*

Customer: “You should just automatically make refunds for dead people!”

DVD: Die Video Die

| Wollongong, Australia | Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Top

Customer: “This d*** DVD doesn’t work!”

Me: “Oh I’m sorry sir, I’ll put it in to be cleaned immediately.” *I check disc for scratches* “I would say the reason this particular disc doesn’t work is that it’s cracked right in half.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that s***! Half the DVD’s from this place won’t work in my DVD player!”

Me: “Well, unfortunately some patrons don’t take very good care of them.”

Customer: “Well why should I? It don’t work so I snapped it!”

Me:You broke the DVD sir?”

Customer: “Your DVDs never work anyway, and I’m sick of it!”

Me: “You realize I will have to charge you the cost of a new DVD?”

Customer: “That’s an outrage! Your DVDs don’t work because some selfish idiot doesn’t look after them, so I have to pay for it?”

Me: “Did you or did you not break this DVD in half sir?”

Customer: “Yes, but only because I’d already scratched it by throwing it across the room.”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “Well if I didn’t do it, someone else just would have…If my dog damaged the disc, would I still have to pay for it?”

Me: “Yes, you would.”

Customer: “You’re a moody cow, you know that?!”

You’d Bella Believe It

| Wilmington, NC, USA | Movies & TV, Technology, Top

Me: “Thank you for calling. May I have your first and last name please?”

Caller: “Yes this is [name] from [wireless store] and I need help with switching a customer’s phone.”

Me: “I can certainly assist you with changing the phone. May I have the serial number for the new phone?”

Caller: “Yes, it’s A as in Alpha, E as in Edward, and C…as in Cullen.” *awkward pause* “Don’t judge me!”

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