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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Now That’s What I Call Customer Service

    | Florida, USA |

    (A customer used to come into the store about once or twice a month. She walks up to the new releases, and then proceeds into the center of the store where we don’t have many security cameras and stuffs the movies into her purse. We knew she had been doing it for quite some time, but we legally aren’t allowed to stop her. However, we got a new manager.)

    Me: “Just leave her alone, she’ll be gone soon.”

    Manager: “Watch this.”

    (The manager walks up to the woman as she finishes stuffing the movies into her purse.)

    Manager: *smiling* “Good evening, ma’am, can I help you steal anything else today?”

    (The customer goes white and runs out of store. She never shows up again.)

    The Aircraft Carrier Kind of Gives It Away

    | Maryland, USA | Military

    (This was at a government office on a Navy base.)

    Me: “***Program Office, *** speaking. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “Can I speak to the homeowner?”

    Me: “Sir, this is a naval base, not a residence.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?!”

    Those Pesky Survival Instincts

    | Wyoming, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for coming to **** National Park. I hope you enjoy your stay.”

    Customer: “Thank you. Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

    Me: “It’s a national park, ma’am.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “The animals are wild.”

    Customer: “All of them?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not very safe!” *walks away*

    Misery Loves, Demands And Harasses Company

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (A woman approaches the check-out, hauling her two kids with her.)

    Customer: “Ugh! Don’t ever have kids, they ruin your life!”

    Me: “Um, well, I don’t really plan to…”

    Customer: “What? Why not?”

    Me: “Um…I don’t know, I guess I don’t want any…”

    Customer: “What?! How old are you?”

    Me: “Twenty-three.”

    Customer: “What if you have an accident? Then you’ll HAVE to have them!”

    Deceptive Desserts

    | Florida, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a complaint to make.”

    Me: “Oh, sure. What’s the matter?”

    Customer: “I heard a group of teenagers over there talking, and they said the cake that you serve is a lie.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “What exactly do you have to say for yourselves?! I come in here, expecting to find a decent establishment, only to find out you are selling fake food!!”

    Me: “Um, ma’am. They were repeating a popular phrase from the internet. I can assure you, the cake that we sell very much exists.”

    Customer: “Prove it! Show me this cake.”

    Me: *points*

    Customer: “Oh. In that case you should write a letter to the internet about how they’re making up rumors about your products.”

    Me: “I’ll… I’ll do that. Thank you.”

    Related: The Cake Is A Lie (urbandictionary.com)

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