October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Pissy Comitatus

| Mansfield, OH, USA | Uncategorized

(While waiting for his appointment, a client abruptly gets up and leaves. When he returns, he is furious.)

Client: “Why do you lock people out of your bathrooms?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We have a key here. I’m happy to give it to you. The building keeps the restrooms locked so that people can’t walk in off the street and use them.”

Client: “Well, what good does that do me now? I thought I wasn’t allowed in, so I had to pee in the parking lot.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you peed in the parking lot?”

Client: “You people left me no choice!”

Make A Pesto Oneself

| Italy | Top

(I am a 17 year old girl working at a pizzeria. A tourist who looks about forty approaches me, looking angry.)

Tourist: “How dare you sell this food in an Italian restaurant!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not entirely sure what you mean.”

Tourist: “This food! Don’t you know that pizza and ice cream are American? How dare you take credit for what we have done! This is ridiculous! I am going to sue you!”

Me: “Sir, that really isn’t necessary. I–”

Tourist: “Don’t you take that tone with me! Stop sounding all professional! It’s annoying!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, you-”

Tourist: “Shut up! This food is American! How dare you be so racist against Americans!

Me: “Sir, I am originally American, so why would I–”

Tourist: “This food is American!”

Me: “Sir, I–”

Tourist: “American!”

Me: “Ask anyone anywhere. Look it up on the Internet, even. I assure you that all this food is Italian.”

Tourist: “The customer is always right!” *storms off*

(I continue to serve customers. 25 minutes later he comes in again.)

Tourist: “Yeah, so I looked it up. Turns out it was Italian. Uh, so can I have your number?”

(No Way) Back To The Future

| California, USA | Uncategorized

(An oddly-dressed man approaches my concessions stand, looking a bit worried.)

Me: “Hi there, how may I help you?”

Customer: “What time is it?”

Me: “About a quarter to 11.”

Customer: “But what time EXACTLY is it?”

Me: “Ah…it’s exactly 10:47, sir.”

Customer: “AM or PM?”

Me: “Um, AM.”

Customer: “Thank you! And what day is it?”

Me: “It’s Tuesday, sir.”

Customer: “No, no! What is the day of the month?”

Me: “It’s July 14th.”

Customer: “Thank you. What is the year?”

Me: “Um, 2009.”

Customer: “10:47 am on July 14th, 2009? Oh no, I’m late!”

Extremely Last Minute Shopping

| Fairfax, VA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, ma’am! Is there something I can help you find?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for this jacket for a ski trip. Do you have this one?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. They are over there on that fixture. Let me know if I can check for a size in the back.”

(The customer goes off, looks at the jackets then comes back.)

Customer: “There wasn’t the size I needed on the rack. Could you check in the back?”

Me: *checks in back* “Sorry, ma’am. We don’t have that size.”

Customer: “What?! Why don’t you have it?”

Me: “Well, I can order it for you. It will only take about a week.”

Customer: “I can’t wait a week.”

Me: “We can also expedite shipping. When do you leave?”

Customer: “I’m on my way to the airport.”

Howard Hughes Goes Shopping, Part 2

| Clovis, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to know if these clothes will fit.”

Me: “Sure, our fitting room is right over there.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to try them on. I want to know if they will fit.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unless you try them on, I can’t say if they will fit or not.”

Customer: “I do not try on clothes in store because they have other people’s cells in them. I do not want to touch other people’s cells. My neighbor had diseases and I burned his house down, and the guy at the 7-11 is sick so I don’t go in there no more!”

Howard Hughes Goes Shopping

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