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    An Open And Shut Case

    | Spokane, Washington, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (It is a hot day after closing time. I am, sweeping up with the drive-thru windows open, and a customer drives up.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, are you still open?”

    Me: “No, sorry, we closed at six. I’m just finishing up to go home.”

    Customer: “So you can’t make me a coffee?”

    Me: “Sorry, no, I already turned off everything and cleaned all the machines.”

    Customer: “But your windows are open.”

    Me: “Yeah, It’s pretty hot in here, so I left them–”

    Customer: “If your windows are open, it means you are open! You shouldn’t leave the windows open! It confuses people, and I think you should make me a coffee!”

    Me: “Well, I can see how you might be confused, and I’m sorry. I turned off all the ‘open’ signs, and our hours are posted. We close at six, so we’re closed.”

    Customer: “You’re windows are open! Make me a f***ing coffee now!”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t. Everything is turned off! Do you want an Italian soda, or maybe a muffin?”

    Customer: “You can sell me a muffin when you’re closed?”

    Me: “Well, yeah. I don’t need the machines to give you a muffin. What kind do you want?”

    Customer: “I don’t want your f***ing muffin! You are deliberately withholding coffee from me! I am an American! You are violating my rights!” *customer proceeds to scream racial and sexist slurs at me*

    Me: “Oh, gosh, you know what?”

    Customer: “What?”

    (I slam the window shut, and yell through the glass.)

    Me: “Sorry! My window’s shut! We must be closed!”

    Intelligence Levels Are Falling

    | Adirondacks, New York, USA | Math & Science, Uncategorized

    (It is the peak of foliage in the fall. We’ve just had a few massive rain storms and lost a lot of the leaves that had already changed.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [lodge], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “We wanted to come up and stay to check out the foliage. About how far would you say you are from peak?”

    Me: “Well, we were probably about a week away, but after recent storms we lost a lot of the leaves.”

    Customer: “About how many would you say you lost?”

    Me:”Um, I would say maybe half?”

    Customer: “Do you think you’ll be getting any more?”

    When The Boob Tube Just Won’t Do

    | California, USA | Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

    (I work at an office that has various different offices and 2 small studios for some of the graphic designers, movie editors, and musicians that work with us. I work as one of the tech support guys and am fixing the computer at the reception desk when a teenager walks in.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yeah, can I help you?”

    Customer: “So what do you guys do here?”

    Me: “Well everyone here does something different, I happen to be tech support.”

    Customer: “Cool, do they make movies here?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, they might.”

    Customer: “Right on, do you know what kind?”

    Me: “Well they have a green screen so I’m not sure.”

    Customer: “Do you know if they make any adult movies here?”

    Me: “Like I said I’m not sure, I’m not sure what they do in the studios.”

    Customer: “Can I take a tour?”

    Me: “Look, I’m the tech support guy, I’m not authorized to give
    you a tour.”

    Customer: “Come on, I’ll give you $5!”

    Me: “I’m not going to risk my job over $5.”

    Customer: “I swear, people like you make it hard for people like me to see boobies!”

    Sadly Wasn’t Born Yesterday

    | Ohio, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    (Note: this customer has heard that a girl is celebrating her birthday on Friday the 13th.)

    Customer: “I hope my birthday never falls on Friday the 13th!”

    Me: “When’s your birthday?”

    Customer: “May 20th!”

    Anatomically Correct Vs Politically Incorrect

    | Washington, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

    (I’m in the restroom while on duty in uniform. I walk in the door.)

    Customer: *startled* "Oh!"

    Me: "Sorry, excuse me."

    Customer: "You people use the bathroom too?"

    Me: "Yes, we only have the one, so everyone uses the same one.”

    Customer: "I guess I never thought of you as real people.”

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