November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Uphill Struggle

| Mont Cenis, France | Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

( I am providing a guided skiing tour of the mountain.)

Customer: “So, where are we going next?”

Me: “Well, do you see that lift over there?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well, we’re going to head up that one until we reach the top of the mountain, and then–”

Customer: “Are you kidding? It’ll be cold up there, and we’ll just have to ski back down again!”

Piercing Observation

| Miami, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Top, Underaged

(I’m approached by what looks to be a teenager and a younger child.)

Teenager: “Hello. My daughter would like to get her belly button pierced.”

Me: “Did the man at the front check your ID?”

Teenager: “No.”

Me: “I’m going to have to.”

(I see that he is seventeen years old.)

Me: “Sir, this ID shows that you’re even younger then me. How old are you?”

Younger Child: “Eleven.”

Me: “So she’s eleven?”

Teenager: “Yes.”

Me: “And you’re seventeen?”

Teenager: “Yes.”

Me: “So you had her when you were six?”

*long pause*

Younger Child: “I told you it wouldn’t work, dumba**!”

High Cholesterol, Low IQ

| Traverse City, MI, USA | Health & Body, Politics, Uncategorized

Patient: “We need to schedule a surgery.”

Me: *looking over the patient’s chart* “Surgery? For what, ma’am?”

Patient: “The doctor said I had high cholesterol. And I want him to go in and cut it out. Take it all, I say.”

Me: “He can’t just go in and remove the cholesterol. There are ways that you can lower your cholesterol.”

Patient: “Don’t lie to me. There’s cholesterol free food. I’ve seen it. Someone has to go into the food and take it out, now don’t they? You just don’t want me to use my free health care. You probably voted for McCain!”

Me: “Let me see if I can reach the doctor.”

Why Bus Drivers Should Rule The World

| San Jose, CA, USA | Top, Tourists/Travel

(I am in the middle of a long bus ride. A woman is talking extremely loudly on her cell phone. Several other commuters have already moved away from her.)

Driver: “Ma’am. I have to ask you to quiet down. You are disturbing other passengers.”

Woman: “Ugh.”

(She lowers her voice for about three minutes, then begins yelling again.)

Driver: “Ma’am, I told you once already. If I can hear it, it’s too loud. If you don’t take it down a notch you’re getting off at the next stop.”

Woman: *glares* “I am trying to have a private conversation! Will you give me a minute?”

(At this point, a man who had moved away silently stands up, removes the big “Be A Considerate Commuter” sign from the overhead rack, and sits pointedly across from her with it.)

Woman: “Hold on, Lita. Some a** is trying to get my attention.” *covers phone* “If you don’t like it, you can get off the bus! Stop eavesdropping on me!”

Man: “Well ma’am, at this point, I think you could talk a little louder and dispense with the phone entirely.”

Woman: *flustered and angry* “Whatever! Okay, I’m back, Lita. So, anyway…”

(I hope the next stop was hers, because that’s where the driver left her.)

Why Cashiers Should Rule The World
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 2
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World

Orders With Benefits

| Durham, NC, USA | Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(There are two teenage males in line, one at the register being helped, and the other standing behind him. They seem to be friends, but are standing in line as though they are ordering separately. As there is only one register, I decide to get started on preparing the second guy’s order.)

Me: “Hey, are you guys together or separate?”

First guy: “Oh, we’re together. Oh wait!” *shocked look* “Did you mean like, ‘together together’, or if we’re just buying together?”

Me: “I don’t follow.”

Second Guy: “Are you asking if we’re dating?”

Me: “Whichever one will make me make your food faster, I guess?”