• A Pain In The Nugget
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    When Logic Comes Crumbling Down

    | Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

    (It’s 1 am in late August.)

    Me: “Hello, guest services.”

    Guest: “Yes, my air conditioner has stopped working. Can you send a maintenance man up here right now to fix it?”

    Me: “Sir, our maintenance guy will be here at 5 am. I can send him there as soon as he arrives. If the room is unbearable, I will gladly place you in a room with a working air conditioner.”

    Guest: “No, I don’t want to switch rooms. If you can’t come up here yourself to fix it now, I am going to jump in your pool!”

    Me: “Sir, the pool is closed for the night, but it will open at 7 am. Unfortunately, I am not sure how to fix your air conditioner. However, I will gladly put you in another room.”

    Guest: “Listen here, either you fix the machine right now or you let me get in the pool! Or… let me have some cookies.”

    Me: “Cookies, sir?”

    Guest: “Yes, cookies!”

    Me: “Sir, we have cookies down in the lobby 24/7. You are welcome to take all you want.”

    Guest: “Ok, I’ll be right there!”

    The Best Looks Come With No Brains

    | Pueblo, CO, USA | Uncategorized

    (I call waiting customers numbers when their food is ready. I notice a customer picks up the wrong item.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you accidentally picked up the wrong meal. This one is yours.”

    Customer 1: “Oh, I know. This one looked better.”

    (The customer walks off with wrong meal.)

    Customer 2: “Excuse me, did she just take my food?”

    Me: “Well, actually yes. I’m really sorry about that, I tried to tell her and she wouldn’t listen.”

    Customer 2: “Well, I don’t blame her. My food looked way better.”

    Rebuilding Frankenstein

    | New England, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Can you help me find to “Frankenstein” trilogy by James Patterson?”

    Me: “Sir, I think maybe you mean Dean Koontz.”

    Customer: “No. Patterson wrote it.”

    Me: “OK, one moment, let me get that for you.”

    (I return with the first book of Dean Koontz’s Frankenstein trilogy).)

    Me: “Is this what you wanted?”

    Customer: “Yeah. That’s the one. I need the fourth book in the trilogy.”

    Me: “I believe there are only three books in the trilogy.”

    Customer: “No, I read online. There are four.”

    Me: “Alright. One minute, please.”

    (I return with the third book in the trilogy.)

    Me: “Is this what you needed?”

    Customer: “Yeah. That’s it. Have you read these?”

    Me: “Yes I have. I thought they were a wonderful re-imagining of Mary Shelley. I really enjoyed Koontz’s ideas about the monster.”

    Customer: “Yeah but he didn’t even put Frankenstein in the books. Just some scientist guy. What kind of a name is Victor anyway?”

    Re-Vamping Dracula

    When Facts Are Not Immediately A-Parent

    | Penarth, South Glamorgan, Wales, UK. | Uncategorized

    (I am working behind the counter. The only other people in the shop are a woman and a small boy. The boy is rushing about, shouting and being boisterous. This goes on for several minutes.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you tell that child to stop running around?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought he was with you.”

    Customer: “He is.”

    Putting The Spa In Spay

    | Corona, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer brings in his dog for a spay.)

    Customer: “While she’s out, can you trim her nails? They’re getting real long.”

    Me: “Of course, sir. We give all patients under anesthesia a complimentary nail trim.”

    Customer: “Oh, you do? Would you give me a free pedicure, too?”

    Me: “Uhm…”

    Customer: “How about a massage?”

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