Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,985 thumbs up)
  • Inconvenience Saves The Day

    | London, UK |

    Me: “Thank you for calling **** Pay Per View, this is **** speaking. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah…I, uh, used up all my credit, and I need you to give me some more.”

    Me: “You can purchase credit on our website, or through the automated system on the phone. Would you like assistance with either of those?”

    Customer: *yelling* “NO! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?! YOU SAYING I’M STUPID?!”

    Me: “Um, no…I was just offering to–”


    Me: “I can’t just hand out free credit like that, that’s not how it works. If you have a complaint, I can transfer you to that department–”

    Customer: “NO!” *suddenly quiet* “Where is your office located?”

    Me: “We’re in ****.”


    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Wait, where is ****, exactly?”

    Me: “Um…about an hour out of the city by bus or car.”

    Customer: “What?! Really? That far? Nah…I’ll probably leave it so. Thanks anyway. Bye.” *hangs up*

    Homework For Super Villainy 101

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA |

    Customer: *on the phone* “Yeah, I found you guys on Google. I’m trying to find a laser gun that, you know, you can shoot a plane down with?”

    Me: “Um…we sell laser printer cartridges, not lasers…”

    Customer: “Oh…I guess I couldn’t really throw a cartridge that far at a plane, huh?”

    Me: “Uh…no?”

    COD 4: Trout At War

    , | London, UK |

    (I witnessed from one of the checkout lines.)

    Customer: “Do you have COD 4?”

    Employee: “Call of Duty 4? Yes we–”

    Customer: “No, no, no, not Call of Duty 4. COD 4!”

    Employee: “Sir, COD 4 stands for Call of Duty 4…”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t! The customer is always right! Now bring me a copy of COD 4 right now!”

    And Her Roots Were Blonde

    | Terrace, B.C., Canada |

    (I’m working a graveyard shift, it’s 3:00 AM, a girl comes in, obviously more than mildly inebriated.)

    Customer: “Ummmm… so, I came in here an hour ago, and bought a Pepsi, and I like, took a drink of it just now, there was like, a hair in the Pepsi. Can I get another one for free?”

    Me: “Do you mean there was a hair in the bottle when you drank it?”

    Customer: “No, um, like, I took a drink, and one of my hairs got in my mouth at the same time, and I guess I bit it off and drank it too, and that was really gross so I like, threw the Pepsi away.”

    Me: “So you swallowed your own hair, and you want me to pay for your Pepsi to make up for it?”

    Customer: “Exactly! I’m sooooo glad you understand me!”

    Me: “Um, no. You’re gonna have to pay, actually.”

    Customer: “Aww, I knew that wouldn’t work. I /told/ him that wouldn’t work. He like, told me I was cute enough that you’d give me free stuff, but I knew it wouldn’t work. Oh well, I’ll pay, I guess!”

    (She goes to the cooler and starts tapping on the lids of various bottles with her finger, before deciding on one half-way back on the rack, requiring her to take a dozen bottles off before getting to hers, and coming to the counter with it, leaving the rest on the floor.)

    Me: “Um… what were you doing?”

    Customer: “Checking for a fresh one! They like, sound different! You work here, you should totally know that! You’re not very good at your job, are you?”

    On The Bright Side, She Never Gets Brain Freezes

    Well, That Narrows It Down

    | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    (The guy asks for a couple of beef brisket sandwiches, but has not specified the type of bread.)

    Me: “Sir, what type of bread would you like with your sandwiches?”

    Customer: “Uhhh…”

    Me: “We have wheat, rye, white, sourdough, 9 grain…”

    Customer: “Do you have that one, you know, the square kind?”

    Page 1,884/2,215First...1,8821,8831,8841,8851,886...Last