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    21st Century Courtship

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am an 18 year old male. I’m working one of the rides when a younger male comes up to me.)

    Teenager: “Hi.”

    Me: “Hey.”

    Teenager: “Will you hug my little sister?”

    Me: “Pardon me?”

    Teenager: “It’s a dare, just hug her!”

    Me: “No thank you?”

    Teenager: “Why not?”

    Me: “I might getting arrested for pedophilia.”

    Teenager: “What?”

    Me: “Nothing.”

    Teenager: “You’re gay aren’t you? I bet you’re gay. That’s why you won’t do it!””

    Me: “That’s it, I’m gay. I don’t want to hug your sister because I’m gay.”

    Teenager: “Oh. Will you hug me, then?”

    There Is No Voice Of Reason

    | Petaluma, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Language & Words

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [electronics store]. What brings you in today?”

    Customer: “I need an electronic English to Spanish dictionary.”

    Me: “Okay, right this way.”

    Customer: “Does it talk?”

    Me: “No. We don’t sell translators here.”

    Customer: “This isn’t a translator?”

    Me: “It will translate English words to Spanish words, but it won’t speak them. It will only show you the text.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! If I knew how to speak the d*** language, I wouldn’t need the d*** dictionary!”

    That Helpful Attitude Needs To Be Shelved

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading

    (I am shelving a couple books. I have two books in my hands, each going in different sections.)

    Customer: *pointing* “Oh that book goes over here and that book goes over there.”

    Me: “But–”

    Customer: “The book goes right here.”

    Me: “Yes, I–”

    Customer: *takes book from me* “The book goes in this spot here.”

    Me: “I know.”

    Customer: “I’m not trying to tell you how to do your job. I’m just trying to be helpful!”

    Me: “Thank you?”

    Blood Must Run Thick In Their Family

    | Austin, TX, USA | Family & Kids

    (I am calling a mother about her 3-year-old son, who is exhibiting signs of pink-eye.)

    Me: “I’m calling from [camp name] about your son.”

    Customer: “Oh no, is he all right?”

    Me: “Well, there seems to be something wrong with his eye. It’s swollen and he hasn’t been able to stop itching it, and it’s very red and inflamed.”

    Customer: “Is he bleeding?”

    Me: “Well, no. But I think it might be a good idea to pick him up and maybe take him to your family doctor.”

    Customer: “So he’s not bleeding?”

    Me: *pause* “No. But these symptoms can sometimes be indicators of something serious and often contagious. I really think you should come get him.”

    Customer: “Why are you calling me if he’s not bleeding?”

    One Store To Sell Them All, And In The Darkness Bind Them

    | Woodinville, WA, USA | Books & Reading

    (A customer walks up to counter and sets down a bag from a competitor’s store, pulls out competitor’s receipt, and starts unloading books with competitor’s sticker on them.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return these.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t take these back here. We’re [bookstore].”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “These books are from [competitor]. I can’t do this return.”

    Customer: “But don’t you have a store by the mall?”

    Me: “We do have a location a few blocks away from the mall, but the store inside the mall is actually [competitor].”

    Customer: “So you won’t take these back for me?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, since they weren’t purchased from us. You’ll need to take them back to [competitor] and they’ll be able to help you.”

    Customer: *surprised* “I thought all bookstores were the same!”

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