Massive Fan But Sadly Not A Breeze

| London, UK | Money, Uncategorized

(Customer calls to order some Justin Bieber-printed merchandise. We get to the checkout phase.)

Me: “Right, that’s [price].”

Caller: “I’m a massive fan. Can I get a fan discount?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Caller: “I’m a member of the fan club. I should get discount for that or something!”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but we aren’t able to give that kind of discount.”

Caller: “This is appalling. You should give his fans money off! We deserve it! His fans shouldn’t have to pay as much for his products!”

Me: “Madam, I doubt anyone who wasn’t a fan would be buying these anyway. So, technically, you are getting the fan price.”

*silence*

Caller: “Screw this. I’ll do it online!”

A Nugget Of Truth Can Get You In Trouble

, | KY, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(The fast food restaurant I work at has a bar right behind and our drive-thru stays open until 2 am. Like most fast food places, we cannot serve you in the drive-thru if you aren’t in a car.)

Customer #1: *walks up and bangs on the drive-thru window* “Hey!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer #1: “I want a cheeseburger and some fries. Oh and a shake.”

Customer #2: “And nuggets, don’t forget nuggets!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t serve you unless you are in a car.”

Customer #1: “But I’ve been drinking.”

Me: “I understand, but it’s not safe to have people in the drive-thru when they aren’t in their car.”

Customer #1: “Okay.”

(About 20 minutes later, they pull around very fast, passing the menu. I notice his unfinished beer is sitting between his knees.)

Customer #1: “Okay. I want a cheeseburger–”

Me: “Sir, do you realize that you are now drinking and driving and I can call the police?”

(Customer #1 goes white and starts to drive away.)

Customer #2: *as they pull away* “You forgot my nuggets!”

A State Of Mindlessness, Part 2

| WA, USA | Health & Body, Home Improvement, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, I’ve noticed that all these pieces of wood have a sticker on them that say’s they contain a product that is believed to cause cancer in the state of California.”

Me: “Yes, that is just a sticker the company has left on there because we also sell in California.”

Customer: “So, since I live here in Washington I won’t get cancer, right?”

Related:
A State Of Mindlessness

Free Derange

| Venice Beach, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, what does free range chicken mean?”

Me: “That means our chickens are not raised in cages. They get to walk around outside, which is important to the quality of life for the animals.”

Customer: *with a horrified expression* “How do you make sure they don’t eat bugs and stuff while they’re outside?”

Me: “We make sure the farmers put up a sign that says ‘Don’t Eat Bugs’ in chicken scratch so they can read it.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take two breasts.”

(Dead) Wrong Number

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Uncategorized

(We have received dry cleaning, so I call a guest to let him know he can pick it up.)

Guest: “Steven’s Mortuary: You stab ’em, we slab ’em.”

Me: “Oh…hello. This is the front desk. I was just calling to let you know your dry cleaning is here.”

Guest: “Oh! Sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

Me: “That’s okay, sir. That was the most interesting call I’ve had all day.”

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