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    Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Pink

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Spouses & Partners

    (I get a call from a client about a wedding package I am designing.)

    Me: “Hello! Have you finalized your color scheme?”

    Client: “Well no.” *begins sobbing* “We had a fight, and I called off the wedding. I don’t need the invitations.”

    Me: “Ah. I’m very sorry to hear this, ma’am. I’ll waive my fees. Don’t worry about paying me.”

    Client: “No, I’ll pay for your work. I was wondering if you could change the text, though.”

    Me: “To what?”

    Client: “It has to say ‘You’re Invited To [Ex-Fiance’s] Funeral’. And I’m thinking a hideously bright pink.”

    Pushing The Envelope Of Patience

    | Staffs, England | Crazy Requests

    (I set up temporary redirections for customer’s mail after a house move whilst they get around to telling people that they’ve moved.)

    Me: “How long would you like us to redirect your mail for?”

    Customer: “Until everybody knows I’ve moved.”

    Me: “Well, how long do you think it will take you to tell everyone?”

    Customer: “Me tell everyone?  Don’t you do that for me?”

    Me: “Sorry, but that’s up to you. We don’t know who writes to you.”

    Customer: “Well you should! You deliver the letters to me!”

    The Tower Of Babble

    | New Zealand | At The Checkout, Language & Words

    (Note: I am of Asian descent.)

    Me: “Good morning!” *starts scanning groceries*

    Customer: “Ni hao!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m not Chinese.”

    Customer: “Konnichiwa!”

    Me: “I’m not–”

    Customer: “Shalom!”

    Me: “Sir, that’s not even–”

    Customer: “Namaste!”

    *silence*

    Customer: “I know so many languages! So many!

    Medication Frustration

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Health & Body

    Customer: “I’m picking up a prescription for [name].”

    Me: “Okay. Just a second.”

    (I check the drawer for the prescription and can’t find it.)

    Me: “When did you order it?”

    Customer: “Well, I saw the doctor on Monday.”

    Me: “So you came in on Monday?”

    Customer: “No, I went to the doctor’s on Monday.”

    Me: “Okay, so when did you drop your prescription off?”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I went to the doctor.”

    Me: “And did he give you a piece of paper that said what drugs you needed?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “That’s a prescription. You need to bring it here so that we know what you need.”

    Customer: “But I saw the doctor on Monday! Why didn’t he do it?”

    Me: “That’s not his job. That’s what pharmacists are for.”

    Customer: “So what, he’s a doctor but he’s not a pharmacist? Look, I saw him on Monday so he probably just did it then. You’re just not looking hard enough. Look for the things done on Monday!”

    Jane Austen-tacious

    | Connecticut, USA | Books & Reading, Movies & TV

    Customer: “Hi. Maybe you can help me. I saw a movie last night on TV. It was about those things that Oprah does? Do you know what it was?”

    Me: “What happened in the movie?”

    Customer: “Well, they read books, but only by this one person who writes books.”

    Me: “Like a book club?”

    Customer: “Yes! A book club! But the movie came from a book. What was the title?”

    Me: “Was it The Jane Austin Book Club?”

    Customer: “Yes! Would you have any books by Jane Austen?”

    Me: “Absolutely!”

    (I take her to our Jane Austen books. She is very excited and starts flipping through them.)

    Customer: “Hey, wait! There’s no photo of her! I want to see what she looks like!”

    Me: “I’m afraid there aren’t any photos of her.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “She lived two hundred years ago.”

    Customer: “Oh! So do all of her books take place in her time?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So…she didn’t write The Jane Austen Book Club?”

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