Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Retort Against Those Who Extort
    (1,651 thumbs up)
  • September Theme Of The Month: Return Of The Geeks!
    Submit your story today!

    We Have No Power, Starring Samuel L. Jackson

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA |

    (During a major power outage that left all of Cincinnati in the dark for days, a woman calls the theater asking about movie times.)

    Customer: “Hi, what movies do you have playing today?”

    Me: “None, we don’t have electricity.”

    Customer: “And what time does that start?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we aren’t open.”

    Customer: “That’s too early, what else you got?”

    Me: “NO MOVIES ARE SHOWING TODAY!”

    Customer: “I heard that was no good.”

    Me: “We can’t show movies because we have no power!”

    Customer: “Is that the movie with Samuel L Jackson?”

    Me: *gives up* “Yes, ma’am. It starts at 6pm but you might want to be here early because it gets crowded this time of day.”

    Sorry Jesus, Your Birthday’s Been Moved Up

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hello sir, what can I get you?”

    Customer: “Um… can I please have a mocha latte?”

    Me: “Sure. That would be $3.50, please.”

    (Five minutes later…)

    Me: “Here you go, sir.”

    Customer: “What is this? Why isn’t the cup red?”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “The cup. It’s usually red!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, that is only around Christmas time.”

    Customer: “What?! THEN MAKE IT CHRISTMAS TIME!”

    Airheaded, Part 2

    | Massapequa, New York, NY, USA |

    Customer: “My son let go of the balloons. I need more.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that takes a long time to do and were very busy now. It will take at least an hour.”

    Customer: “But the party is now! What the f*** am I supposed to do with no balloons?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it takes a while. I will do them as fast as possible.”

    (He leaves and I start to fill up so many balloons my fingers are red.)

    Customer: “About time!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. I’m sorry you lost the balloons, so I took 25% off.”

    Customer: “You’re charging me for these?!”

    Me: “Yes, you are buying more balloons.”

    Customer: “But I just paid for balloons, and they flew away.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you bought them and you’re buying more. I need to charge you.”

    Customer: “But this was your fault! You shouldn’t have made them so… floaty!”

    Me: “… I’m very sorry, but these are less… floaty.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: *sarcastically* “Yes!”

    Related:
    Airheaded

    How Men Shop

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Can you help me find the uh… uh…” *trails off*

    Me: “The…”

    Customer: “You know, the refrigerator stuff.”

    Me: “Our refrigerators are–”

    Customer: “No! The stuff that uh, you know, is…” *trails off again*

    Me: “Ice cube trays? Mini fridges?”

    Customer: “No, no. You know, like the stuff in the refrigerator… the stuff… like tea!”

    Me: “You mean the food?”

    Customer: “Yeah, the refrigerator stuff. The teas.”

    Me: “Food is under the sign marked food, over on the other side of the store.”

    Customer: “How do you know if food is in the refrigerator?”

    Me: *gives up* “I have no idea.”

    …And The Baristas Shall Inherit The Earth

    | El Paso, TX, USA |

    Me: Good morning, what can I get for you?

    Customer: “Did you go to church today?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Why not?! It’s Sunday and you should be giving thanks to the Lord! I don’t like this… let me speak to your manager NOW.”

    Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t a Christian establishment where we are required to go to church.”

    Customer: “Get your manager!”

    Manager: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Why don’t your employees go to church on Sunday?! This is an outrage.”

    Manager: “Well, if we did there would be no one here to make your delicious coffee when you get out of church.”

    Customer: “Well, I guess that’s okay. I’ll let Jesus know that you guys are helping me so that you don’t go to Hell.”

    Page 1,881/2,122First...1,8791,8801,8811,8821,883...Last