• Retract The Tract
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    Never Out Of Laughing Stock

    | UK | Uncategorized

    Customer: “How much for [item]?”

    Me: “£15.”

    Customer: “The guy round the corner does them for thirteen.”

    Me: “Well, why didn’t you buy one from him, then?”

    Customer: “He’s out of stock.”

    Me: “Well, when we’re out of stock, we only charge ten.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll come back when you’re out of stock, then.”

    Customer Vs Cook: The Heat Is On

    , | Atlanta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hey! This burger is too damn hot!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it will cool down over time. Just wait a little while.”

    Customer: “I want to eat it now! Why the h*** would you make it too hot to eat? Make me another one and don’t make it so hot this time!”

    (He slams his burger down on the counter and stomps away. I don’t touch it, as I have to take care of the next couple of customers. A moment later, I call out to the customer.)

    Me: “Sir, your burger is ready.”

    (The customer comes back up, picks up the burger that hasn’t been moved since he put it down, and takes a bite.)

    Customer: “There we go, much better. Don’t make them so d*** hot anymore. This one’s great!”

    How Much Is That Human In The Window

    | Dublin, Ireland | Uncategorized

    (A customer walks in while I am in the shop window redecorating it.)

    Customer: “Hi, I would like to know how much the girl in the window is?”

    Coworker: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “The girl in the window. I want to buy her.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, but she is a staff member. Plus, I also think it’s illegal to sell people.”

    Customer: “Then why is she on the window?!”

    Coworker: “You’re joking, right?”

    Customer: “No, I want her. I need a new cleaner.”

    No ID, No Idea, Part 4

    | UK | Uncategorized

    (A customer comes to the bar with his parents. He starts to order drinks, but I stop him to ask for his ID.)

    Me: “Can I see some ID, please?”

    Customer’s mother: “He doesn’t need it. He’s 19.”

    Me: “Well, I’m just asking him to prove that.”

    Customer: “I don’t have any.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to serve you then.”

    Customer’s father: “Okay. Well, I’ll order then.”

    (He orders the same three alcoholic drinks as his son had before.)

    Me: “Unfortunately, he will have to have a soft drink.”

    Customer’s father: “What do you mean he can’t have a drink? He’s 19! He’s actually a barman, you know!”

    Me: “Well, he should really know better then.”

    No ID, No Idea, Part 3
    No ID, No Idea, Part 2
    No ID, No Idea

    Not Always Right: Official iPhone/iPod App

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