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    Walking A Thin Line

    | New York, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss – what size are you?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I want to buy these pants for my granddaughter, my dear, and she’s about your size.”

    Me: “Oh, well…the jeans I’m wearing right now are from this store, and they’re a size 4.”

    Customer: “WELL! She is certainly not that fat!”

    Me: “Um, well, sometimes people carry their weight differently. Perhaps she would fit in a size 2 better?”

    Customer: “My dear, I didn’t mean to offend you – you’re not too fat. My granddaughter is small. And a big hussy. That’s why I want to buy her new pants. She looks like such a tramp.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I suppose maybe I’ll just buy her a blouse instead.”

    Ben’s OK, Jerry’s Gone Nuts

    | Colorado, USA |

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I would like your biggest cup of pecan ice cream.”

    (I serve it up and continue with the rest of the customers. About 15 minutes later, the same guy shows up.)

    Customer: “There’s something wrong with this ice cream. It’s more nuts than it is anything else!”

    (I look down and see there’s only 2 bites of ice cream left.)

    Me: “I’m sorry – I’d be happy to give you another flavor if you’d like.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous – do you make the ice cream yourself?”

    Me: “We do make it right here every day.”

    Customer: “No, I mean do YOU make it?”

    Me: “No, we have people in charge of making the ice cream.”

    Customer: “You should really try the ice cream before you give it out to people, to warn them.”

    Me: “…so what ice cream would you like instead?”

    Customer: “I’ll take the peanut butter one.”

    Me: “I’ve tried that one and it’s made with real peanuts. You might encounter the same problem.”

    Customer: “Did I ask you for your opinion on it?”

    Me: “…”

    Eww, Fresh Food

    | Alberta, Canada |

    Server: “Um… one of our tables asked me to bring this salad back.”

    Cook: “What’s wrong with it? It looks fine to me.”

    Server: “He complained that the lettuce was too green in his Greek salad.”

    Cook: “His lettuce was too green?”

    Server: “Yeah.”

    Cook: “I really don’t want to know what kind of lettuce that guy’s been eating…”

    (In the end, we had to call our manager in to explain to this guy that lettuce only comes one color, green.)

    You Said It, Not Me

    | Maui, Hawaii, USA |

    (A customer comes up with credit card bill.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to make a payment.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (I take the bill and notice it’s actually for a different store.)

    Customer: “My wife went and bought a bunch of stuff, so I gotta pay the bill.”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t really know how else to say this but this is a [other store] card.”

    Customer: “I’m in [our store] aren’t I?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “You’re too nice. You should have just said ‘Get the f*** out. You’re in the wrong store!’”

    The Queen Has Left The Building

    | Hanover, MA, USA |

    Customer, to a female employee: “You know who you look like? Elvis…”

    Female employee: “…Thanks?”

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