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  • When Men Were Men & Electronics Were Multi-Taskers

    , | British Columbia, Canada |

    (A mother and son are finishing up their purchase.)

    Me: “Will that be all for you guys today?”

    Customer: “Well…do you have meetings here with your staff? Like ones where everyone can talk?”

    Me: “Sometimes…”

    Customer: “I want you to tell them I don’t like these new TVs, the flat screens and the plasmas. I want the old TVs back. You should tell them that.”

    Me: “The old TVs?”

    Customer: “I remember when TVs were like furniture. You could use them to put a plant on, or a lamp, and they were square and wood-paneled. TVs were better then.”

    Son: “Mom, I like the new plasma and LCD TVs. They’re really cool!”

    Customer: “No! They aren’t! You don’t know what you’re talking about!” *to me* “Now, you lady, you should tell them that for me! Tell them I want furniture back! And I’m not the only one!”

    (She then proceeded to walk around the store, going off about technology, and how the old stuff was better. Her poor son was embarrassed the whole time.)

    Lowest Common Denominator: Found

    | Everly, IA, USA |

    (This exchange happened between two co-workers.)

    Waitress: “I need a fourth of a chicken to go, please.”

    Cook: “OK, a quarter chicken it is!”

    Waitress: “NO! I ASKED FOR A FOURTH!”

    Cook: “A quarter and a fourth are the same thing.”

    Waitress: “Oh…is there another word for a half?”

    You Get Who You Pay For

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to dispute a charge on my bill.”

    Me: “Yes, certainly. Which charge would you like to dispute?”

    Customer: “There should be a charge on February 22nd for $2000.”

    Me: “The one for ‘Gentlemen’s Club’?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s the one I’d like to dispute.”

    Me: “And what’s the reason for the dispute?”

    Customer: “…do you need to know?”

    Me: “Without a reason, we cannot submit a proper dispute.”

    Customer: “Um…OK, well, it was a business trip…and, um…I wanted to hire…um…an escort for a client. Not for me, for a client! For the night. And we weren’t pleased with her, um, services. Which isn’t to say that she didn’t provide services! I’m just saying that it wasn’t the service we…well, the service we…. It wasn’t what we expected.”

    Me: “…all right. I’ll transfer you to our disputes department for further assistance.”

    Someone’s About To Get Smacked To The Future

    | Rio Rancho, NM, USA | Top

    Coworker: “Yes, miss. I understand it’s an emergency, But let me ask my coworker. He probably knows what you’re looking for!”

    Me: “What’s going on?”

    Coworker: “This woman was sent in looking for an item. She said it’s called a … a … something capacitor.”

    Me: “Well, we don’t really carry any capacitors here. That’s more of a true electronics store thing.”

    Customer: “Please, it’s my son’s birthday and my husband says that we desperately need to find a 120 volt flux capacitor for my son’s Xbox!”

    Me: “Ma’am, unless you have a Mr. Fusion, I don’t know where you’re gonna need something like that.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? My husband said this was an emergency! I have been to 3 stores and no one knows what I’m talking about!”

    Me: *laughs* “Well, your husband sent you for a part to a time machine.”

    Customer: “I am going to kill that man!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Now Serving: Poopsicles

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA |

    (Note: we’re nearby a retirement community. An old man who looks lost wanders into our grocery store.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Old man: “Yes, I’m looking for the bathroom… oh, here it is!”

    (He opens a freezer door and proceeds to pull down his pants.)

    Me: “SIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

    (The old man takes a dump right in the freezer.)

    Old man: “That’s cold… where’s the toilet paper?”

    Me: “I really, really, really need a break!”

    (Sadly, this is not the first time this has happened.)

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