• A Pain In The Nugget
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    Busted As Charged

    | Madison, WI, USA | Uncategorized

    Caller: “I have an unauthorized charge on my account!”

    Me: “Which charge is it?”

    Caller: “The one from [restaurant known for waitresses with ample sized busts]. That was a Sunday…I would never go there on a Sunday! Someone must have stolen my card. This is so insulting, to have this charge on there. I need you to remove it immediately!”

    Me: “Sir, the date on your account summary is the date the charge cleared your account. The actual date of the transaction at the establishment was two days before, on Friday.”

    Caller: “Oh…then that was me.”

    The Only Thing It Swallowed Was Her Pride

    | St. Augustine, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Oh miss, I have a problem.”

    Me: “What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “The ATM took my card. It says here though that its invalid, and my card is out of date, so maybe that’s why.”

    (I get the keys to the ATM and open it up.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but your card is not in there. Are you sure it took it?”

    Customer: “No, it did, it did! *pulls out an ATM card* “It looks like this! Oh wait…this is my card. Never mind.”

    Even Professors Fail At Pass(Words)

    | St. Paul, MN, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am a student worker at my university’s IT help desk. Professors’ passwords are set to expire every 90 days. A professor having connection problems informs me he hasn’t changed his password in months.)

    Me: “Oh, okay! I think that’s the issue here. Your password has probably expired and…”

    Professor: “Expired?!”

    Me: “Yes, they’re set to expire every 90 days for security.”

    Professor: “90 days! Why don’t you tell us these things?”

    Me:”I’m so sorry, usually we email professors at the beginning of term.”

    Professor: “Well, you didn’t tell me! I didn’t get any emails from you people!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry. Let me reset your password for you now so that you can connect.”

    (I reset his password and write it down for him.)

    Professor: “What the h*** is this?”

    Me: “That’s the pound sign.”

    Professor: “I know what it is! Why is it in my password?”

    Me: “It’s a regulation from our administration. Your password has to have letters, numbers and special characters.”

    Professor: “And when were you planning on telling us this?”

    Me: “There should have been an email last week.”

    Professor: “There was no email! Seriously, do you do anything? Where’s your boss? I need to speak with him.”

    Me: “He’s out right now.”

    Professor: “You need to let me know the moment he gets back.”

    Me: “Of course. How should we notify you? We can send you an email?”

    Professor: “Don’t email me. God! I never read those. Call my office phone.”

    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 3

    | Concord, NC, USA | Uncategorized

    (We are doing rescue and CPR training with the other lifeguards).

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you guys have to do that now with all these people in the pool?”

    Me: “Sorry sir.”

    Customer: “I see this guy in the water and I think he’s drowning. I try to go help him, but he tells me it’s just training.”

    Me: “Sorry for the confusion, sir. Please swim behind this barrier so that the lifeguards can complete their training.”

    Customer: “And other people have pushed their kids out of the way so guys can do your thing! I mean, what would happen if the kids got hurt? What would you do?”

    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 2
    Dim Witted And Off The Deep End

    When Requests Have Both A Positive And A Negative Side

    | Manchester, CT, USA | Uncategorized

    (The power has gone out in the cafe.)

    Customer: “I’d like a soda, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but since the power is out, we can only sell bakery products from the window.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I only wanted to use the wi-fi, anyway.”

    (He sits in the corner, but comes back a few minutes later.)

    Customer: “The wi-fi seems to be down. Could you reset it?”

    Me: “No. sir. The power is out, so the wi-fi won’t work until it comes back on.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have batteries for it?”

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