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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    So That’s What Those Other Buttons Are For

    | Costa Mesa, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help?”

    Caller: “Is there a Kristie there?”

    Me: “We have a Kristie, but is she an older woman or younger woman?”

    Caller: “Older. She’s like a manager.”

    Me: “Oh… well, then you need to call the Newport Beach store. She’s at that one.”

    Caller: “Oh! Okay, what’s their number?”

    Me: *gives number*

    Caller: “Okay… now, can you transfer me?”

    Me: “Um… no, we don’t do that. We’re not a call center.”

    Caller: “Okay, so how do I call them?”

    Me: “… You dial the number I just gave you.”

    Caller: “But how do I do that?”

    Me: “You dial 1, then the numbers I gave you.”

    Caller: “Is that it?”

    Me: “Can I ask how you dialed this store?”

    Caller: “I dialed 411!”

    Me: “Have you been 411-ing your entire life with the phone?”

    Caller: “Of course. How else do you dial other people?!”

    Me: “Uhh… well, then you’re all set. Thanks and have a good day.”

    Customer Of The Week: Yoda

    | Quitting Time | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: Today
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Sometimes, Even Yoda Isn’t Enough

    The Magical Mocha Phone

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (I used to repair phones for an office.)

    Customer:¬†”My phone is broken.”

    Me: “Can you please describe the problem?”

    Customer: “It’s broken.”

    Me: “In what way?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Do you have a dial tone? ¬†Can you not dial a specific number?”

    Customer: “Nothing happens. It’s broken.”

    Me: “Where is your desk?”

    Customer: “Second floor, cube ***.”

    (Upon arriving, I find the phone with no lights, no dial tone, no anything. On a hunch, I ask…)

    Me: “Did you spill coffee in it?”

    Customer: “No!”

    (I grab the phone, tilt it and coffee pours out.)

    Me: “Huh.” *glares at customer*

    Customer: “I DIDN’T spill coffee in it!”


    Family Values, Part 2

    | Guadalajara, Mexico |

    Me: “Welcome, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Why haven’t I received my movie?”

    Me: “Which one was it?”

    (He gives me the name of the movie, and I check on the computer to see if that title is available.)

    Me: “Sorry sir, we don’t have it on stock yet, but we will have your copy by Wednesday.”

    Customer: “But you have it already for rental!” *goes to the shelf and brings me one of the cases*

    Me: “Yes, but those are for rental only. We receive a few copies for rental only, and a few days after we get the ones for sale.”

    Customer: “Then give me this one.”

    Me: “That one is exclusively for rental.”

    Customer: “F*** it. I’m leaving!” *storms out of the store with the DVD*

    Me: “Hey!”

    (I call mall security. A few minutes later, a guard comes laughing to the store.)

    Guard: “Is this the stolen DVD?”

    Manager: “Yes, thank you.”

    Guard: “We found him trying to get in his car and two kids were inside. When we got him the kids started to cry, but not because we were taking his grandpa into custody.”

    Me: “Then why?”

    Guard: *laughs* “They were crying because they weren’t getting the movie today.”

    Family Values

    Maybe We Should Shellac Them Next Time

    | United Kingdom |

    Customer: “I’d like to complain about these donuts I bought.”

    Me: “Okay, Madam, what’s the problem?”

    Customer: “They’re stale. I bought them, went to eat them and they’re stale! I want my money back!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m terribly sorry. Let me have a look at them and we’ll sort this out.”

    (I look at the bad donuts.)

    Me: “Ah, I see your problem, Madam. When did you buy these?”

    Customer: “About two weeks ago. Why?”

    Me: “Well, the use by date was about ten days ago which explains why they were stale.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “You have to eat them by the use by date or they’ll go stale. I can’t give you your money back.”

    Customer: “This makes no sense! I didn’t get a chance to eat them so I want my money back!”

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