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    Innocence Lost

    | Cape Cod | Uncategorized

    Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yea, I need you guys to work on my car’s transmission. How much?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t work on cars here, we print things.”

    Caller: “But…but I Googled [company] and I got you guys.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, Google was wrong. I don’t know how we got on there.”

    Caller: “But I Googled you! You have to do it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have copiers here, not a garage. Try the yellow pages?”

    Caller: *sounding very betrayed* “I can’t believe I Googled you.”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession

    | Wisconsin, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Your total is $**.**.”

    (The customer hands me card, I run it and hand it back to her.)

    Customer: “Oh, no! That’s my debit card! I don’t have any money in my account. It’s going to be declined.”

    Me: “Well, your purchase went through.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, if it went through, that means I have enough money in my account.”

    Me: “Well, not necessarily. My brother got himself into a lot of debt by using his cards after he’d reached his limit.”

    Customer: “You mean I could still use this card even if there’s no money in the account?”

    Me: “It’s possible, but I’m not familiar with your bank system.”

    Customer: *to friend* “Do you want to go to the nail salon?”

    There’s No Pills Like Home, Part 2

    | New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

    (My phone number is 1 number off a nearby pharmacy. We get a lot of misdials. My father happens to actually be a pharmacist but he doesn’t work there.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “Hello? You just say Hello? How dare you be so rude! You should say “thank you for calling”!”

    Me: “Oh, you must be looking for [pharmacy]. You have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “Liar! How would you know what store I’m looking for? You’re just trying not to get in trouble. Give me your manager.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have a manager. You’ve called a private residence. The number for the pharmacy is close to our number, so we get a lot of wrong calls.”

    Caller: “This is outrageous! Give me your manager! I will not be treated this way!”

    (At this point the caller was rambling and being rude so I hung up the phone. She called back, and my father answered it.)

    Father: “Hello?”

    Caller: “Is this the manager? Thank god! I want to know if [drug] can be taken with food! And you should fire that girl that answered before, she was very rude to me! I want to file a complaint!”

    Father: “Ma’am, this is not the grocery store pharmacy. You just told off my 14-year old daughter. I happen to be a pharmacist. That drug does not need to be taken with food. However, you should see a doctor about your ears, as you clearly can’t hear a word anyone says.”

    There’s No Pills Like Home

    A-B-C, Easy As D-U-H

    | Massachusetts, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hey, can you help me find this book?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (He holds up a piece of paper with the title and author of a book on it. I find it on the shelves and hand it to him.)

    Customer: “Thanks! How’d you do that so fast?”

    Me: “Well, I’ve worked here awhile, and the books are all in alphabetical order by author’s name.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Alphabetical order. Like the alphabet song? You know, A’s before B’s?”

    (He looks confused, but then widens his eyes.)

    Customer: “The letters actually go in that order? I thought that song was just to remember them all!”

    Reaching New Heights Of Stupidity

    | Massachusetts, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am on the beginner chairlift with two of my adult students.)

    Customer: “So, when does the mountain close?”

    Me: “We stay open until there is no snow left. This year, the guess is late April.”

    Customer: “So, it’s open past daylight-savings time?”

    Me: “Yes, it is. How is daylight-savings time related to the mountain being open?”

    Customer: “Well, with that extra hour of sunlight, the snow must melt extra fast!”

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