Pages Of A Post-Apocalyptic Persuasion

| United Kingdom | History

Customer: “I want a book to complete the set for my grandson.”

Me: “Certainly, madam. Can I ask what you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Well, he’s interested in history. I want to encourage him, so he’s already got books on World War 1 and World War 2. I want to get him the next one so he can be prepared before they do it at school.”

Me: “Um, the next one?”

Customer: “Yes. Haven’t you got anything on World War 3? I’ve looked all over.”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam. I’m pretty certain we don’t have anything on that subject at the moment.”

Customer: “Oh, never mind then. I’ll try a bigger bookshop.”

Scents & Senseless Abilities

Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me! Hey I need to buy a perfume!”

Me: “Alright, what kind of fragrance were you looking for?”

Customer: “No, you aren’t listening. I need to buy a perfume and I don’t see them anywhere. You’re supposed to sell perfume here!”

Me: “Well, there are a large selection of perfumes on every shelf in the store.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “Everywhere.”

Customer: “But I don’t see them!”

Me: “If that’s true, then I’m not sure how I can help you.”

Dog On Demand

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I need some help.”

Me: “Of course, sir. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to buy a dog.”

Me: “We don’t sell dogs or cats here. Our company has a policy against it because of the number of unwanted dogs in animal shelters.”

Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about? Of course you sell dogs, they’re right there!”

Me: “Actually, that’s our grooming salon, where customers can bring their pets for a haircut or bath. Would you like me to show you the adoption computer?”

Customer: “It’s nice that you’re making the dogs pretty for me. Now, when can I see them?”

Me: “Those dogs belong to other people sir. It’s the grooming salon.”

Customer: *sighs* “Fine, I get it. They’re all sold.”

(The customer sees a woman walking by with a Labrador on a leash.)

Customer: “I’ll take that one then. I can get a discount since it’s a floor model, right?”

Redial By Fire

| Franklin, TN, USA | Top

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I saw [doctor] last week, and was calling about my test results.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Oh, sorry.”

(Not 5 seconds later, the phone rings again.)

Caller: “I saw [doctor] last week and was calling about my test results.”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid you’ve dialed the wrong number again.”

Caller: “This isn’t [doctor’s] office?”

Me: “No, sir, this is a women’s clothing store.”

Caller: “Oh, sorry.”

(5 seconds later.)

Caller: “I saw [doctor] last week and was calling about my test results.”

Me: Sir, you’ve called [store] again.

Caller: “**** it! I’m calling the right number, why do you keep answering?”

Me: “Sir, the office number is very close to ours, so maybe when you’re dialing the numbers, you’ve been accidentally hitting a wrong key?”

Caller: “What numbers? I’ve been hitting redial!”

Undeveloped Mind

| Cranford, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “I am just calling to let you guys know you have pictures here that you dropped off in December.”

Customer: “I don’t have pictures there.”

Me: “Maybe we mislabeled the bag? The pictures are of a family of four celebrating Christmas? Two kids? Boy and girl?”

Customer: “That’s my family, but I don’t have pictures there. To be honest, I think you are trying to scam me into buying pictures I already bought and took home.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “This is the second time you’ve called. I already picked those up and brought them home. You stole those from me and printed them to get more money out of me!”

Me: “Are you saying I broke into your house?”

Customer: “Yes, and I’m calling the police now!”

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