Acting Juvie-nile

Culver City, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(While stocking the shelves I overhear a young boy from a few aisles over. He sounds very distressed.)

Boy: “What?! Are you freaking kidding me? Nuh-uh! No way!”

(The kid sounded like he was really in trouble, so my co-worker and I go to investigate. He is sitting in front of the back-to-school section with his mother.)

Boy: “I have to go back to school!? What do you mean I have to go back?! I just got out!”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Uncategorized

(Three women in their early twenties come in. I ring up the first two, but the third woman’s credit card is denied.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but your card had been denied.”

Customer: “No, that cant be! There’s no way! Try it again!”

(I swipe the card again, and it once more is denied.)

Me: “It still came up as declined. Do you have another card I could try?”

Customer: “No! This is stupid!”

(One of her friends lend her cash to pay for her meal. As they fill their drinks at the pop machine I overhear her talking.)

Customer: “That is so weird! My card was denied last week. Shouldn’t it be un-denied by now?”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
This Is Why We’re In A Recession

Higher Than A Helicopter

| Massachusetts, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to make a copy of this key because the police need to use this one in an investigation.”

Me: “Ma’am, this key is broken clean in half. I don’t think I can copy this.”

Customer: “Well you see, the police are investigating into the helicopters and I need another key.”

Me: “The helicopters?”

Customer: “Yes, yes. They break into my car.” *picking up a flashlight from the checkout counter* “Oh! I wonder if this flashlight is helicopter proof.”

Me: “Uh…I don’t know to be honest.”

Customer: “Well. The helicopters always make things stop working suddenly.”

(She clicks the flashlight on and off until suddenly it no longer turns on.)

Customer: “Ah, there. Not helicopter proof. They’re in my veins, you know.”

Eulogyology

| Lancaster, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have an ‘ology’ section?”

Me: “Are you looking for biology, psychology, sociology?”

Customer: “No, just ‘ology’.”

Me: “I’m not sure what that is. Maybe you could explain it to me?”

Customer: “You know, speeches people give at funerals.”

Staring Into Space Bar

| Piteå, Sweden | Technology, Uncategorized

(A customer calls in because her computer has been hijacked by malware. After some troubleshooting it is clear that there are no repair options available due to system corruption. We decide on a reinstallation of the operating system.)

Me: “Before we press the restart button I will explain what will happen. During the reboot a line of white text on a black background will appear stating ‘Press any key’ – the moment you see this line you press space. The most common mistake made by customers is that they feel insecure and ask before pressing which takes too long and we have to restart the computer again. The moment you see ‘Press any key’ I want you to press space. Any questions?”

Customer: “No, I understand.”

Me: “Okay, go ahead and press restart then.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(The customer goes silent for a while.)

Customer: “So, press any key. Does that mean I can press any key on the keyboard?”

Me: “Yes, but press the space bar just to be sure since some keys might not register.”

Customer: “Oh. So that’s the any key! Is that the long button?”

Me: *pause* “That is correct.”

Customer: “Ok. Now it says Windows XP and the bars are moving.”

Me: “So you didn’t press the space bar?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did you see the text?”

Customer: “I don’t know. You were talking to me and I panicked!”

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