October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Cereally Stupid

| Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like to return this box of cereal. It tastes like it spoiled when I ate it. Here’s my receipt.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We can’t take it back. You only have 90 days to return this item, and you bought it over 5 months ago.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I could have gotten sick from this!”

Me: *looks in box* “Ma’am, this is an empty box of cereal. Where’s the cereal?”

Customer: “I told you. I ate it!”

(Not So) Heavy Brain

| Minnesota, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, welcome to [store]! Anything I can do for you?”

(Customer puts a copy of a video game on the counter.)

Customer: “I’m returning this game; it’s not for me.”

Me: “What didn’t you like about it?”

Customer: “It was the stupidest game ever! I walked around a house for 10 minutes, went to the mall, then my kid died and the credits rolled and it was over!”

Me: “Uh…those were the opening credits.”

Military Intelligence, Part 5

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer drives up to my window and hands me ticket.)

Me: “Hello, sir. The charge is $8 please.”

(The customer hands over money and then looks at screen which displays charge amount.)

Customer: “You know, your screen is confusing. Before, it said 18, and now it says 8.”

Me: “Yes, the screen displays the time before the ticket is read.”

Customer: “Hmm, then you better fix your clocks. I don’t think I have ever heard of 18 o’clock.”

Me: “The clock is on military time.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Friend in Customer’s Car: “Didn’t you serve in Iraq?”

Military Intelligence, Part 4
Military Intelligence, Part 3
Military Intelligence, Part 2
Military Intelligence, Part 1

A Funny Lark That’s Tough To Swallow

| North Carolina, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Raptor rehabilitation, can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes. There’s a hawk swooping down eating the songbirds off of my bird feeder. Is there anything I can do?”

Me: “Well, not really. You can try moving the feeder near a bush where the songbirds can hide.”

Caller: “There are a lot of chipmunks where I live.”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: “Do you think I can put up a sign telling the hawk to eat the chipmunks instead of the songbirds?”

Me: “I don’t think that will work, sir. Hawks don’t read well.”

Caller: “Oh. I’ll try it anyway.”

Losing Track Of Your Mind

| Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “I cannot find my order number or my order. I need the tracking information.”

Me: “Okay. Can I please have your login name so that I can look up your order history?”

(The caller gives their login name and I look up their order history.)

Me: “Ma’am, so that I know we are looking at the same page, can you please tell me what you see?”

Caller: “I see Order Number. I did this already!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. That number is your order number.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. It said Order Number, but I wasn’t sure that’s what it meant.”

Me: “Okay, so let’s track your package. I see that the package has been delivered on the 5th, which was 20 days ago.”

Caller: “Oh? Who signed for it?”

Me: “The initials say **.”

Caller: “Oh, so it was me! I just can’t seem to find that package around here. Could your computer tell me where I put it?”

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