Inventors Should Get Out Of Their Shell

| Mobile, AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Coworker: *on phone* "For a turtle? No ma’am, we only have those for cats and dogs. … I’ve never heard of that before, but if they exist, we don’t carry them. … I’m sorry, I’m a cashier and I’m not allowed to make those kinds of decisions. … Okay, you’re welcome."

*hangs up phone*

Me: "Did she want a pet carrier for a turtle?"

Coworker: "Yeah, and when I told her that we don’t have them, she asked if we would carry them if she invented one."

Directionless Call, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA | Funny Names, Uncategorized

Me: "Hello, this is [Company Name]."

Caller: "Hi, who just called me?"

Me: "I’m not sure. You’ve reached general reception."

Caller: "Well, someone just called me from this number."

Me: "Sorry, but there’s no way for me to tell who called you, as this is the general number."

Customer: "What are you?"

(I explain the company.)

Customer: "I didn’t understand anything about what you just said. Why did you call me?"

Me: "It could be a wrong number."

Customer: "Ugh, fine. Stop wasting my time by calling me if you don’t know who you are, please!"

Related:
Directionless Call

Sadly Wasn’t Born Yesterday, Part 2

| Texas, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [hospital]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. I had a baby at your hospital about a week ago, and when I was discharged I got a lot of papers and some samples. One of the papers says something about a PKU test.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. How can I help you with that?”

Caller: “Well, it says on this paper that I need to bring my ‘new arrival’ to registration and they would help me get the PKU test done. I want you to know that I have looked all through the papers and stuff you gave me and I can’t find anything marked ‘new arrival’. What is this ‘new arrival’ I am supposed to bring with me when I come in?”

Me: “Ma’am, that would be your infant child…your new baby.”

Caller: “Oh my freaking God! If you mean ‘new baby’, then write ‘new baby’! Not everyone understands this hospital medical jargon!”

Related:
Sadly Wasn’t Born Yesterday

Children Get Sick Periodically

| New York, New York, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Uncategorized

(A woman walks into the store with her young daughter. Her daughter looks feverish and is sniffling.)

Customer: “Oh look honey, they have candy bars. Go get yourself one while mommy shops for her things.”

(The little girl walks up to the counter and takes a candy bar.)

Me: “Are you feeling okay, little girl?”

Daughter: “My mommy says as long as she gets her tampons, I’ll feel better.”

(The girl suddenly vomits all over the candy bars and on the counter.)

Daughter: “QUICK MOMMY! GET YOUR TAMPONS!”

Not Much Between The Temples

| Pembroke Pines, FL, USA | Religion, Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to speak to the person in charge!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m the only one in the office right now. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “There’s no Jesus memorabilia in your display cases!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a temple. Maybe you’re looking for the church across the street?”

Customer: “I know this is a temple you dumb b****! All temples need Jesus in them. Otherwise, how is this a house of worship?”

Me: “I’m going to have to ask you to calm down, there’s a preschool class next door. And Jews don’t believe in Jesus as being a–”

Customer: *yelling* “What?! What the f*** do you mean you don’t believe in Jesus our Lord? How long has this been going on?!”

Me: “I’d say a good thousand years prior to Jesus, ma’am.”

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