Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Retort Against Those Who Extort
    (1,636 thumbs up)
  • September Theme Of The Month: Return Of The Geeks!
    Submit your story today!

    Of Mountains And Molehills

    | Illinois, USA |

    (It’s winter time and the car wash is shut down because it tends to freeze below a certain temperature.)

    Customer: “Why is the car wash closed?”

    Me: “It’s below 20 degrees. It has to be closed or it’ll freeze.”

    Customer: “But I just bought a car wash and now I can’t wash my car!”

    Me: “Those car washes don’t expire. You can use it when the weather warms up a little bit.”

    Customer: “The g**d*** car wash is always closed! EVERY TIME I COME IN HERE, THE CAR WASH IS CLOSED! IT’S ALWAYS–”

    Me: “HEY!”

    Customer: *backs up, surprised*

    Me: “It’s just a car wash.”

    Customer: *walks out in a huff*

    Whoaaahh, Am I Moving The Mouse Or Is It Moving Me

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    Me: “Okay, so what seems to be the problem?”

    Caller: “Well, it’s my son’s computer, it’s… smoking.”

    Me: “It’s smoking? Is it making a loud beeping sound or is it hot? Anything else that would indicate that it’s on fire?”

    Caller: “No! It’s not hot or anything. In fact, it seems to work just fine, but after it being on for about two or three minutes it starts to smoke.”

    Me: “Okay… well, shut the machine down, unplug it, and then hold down the power button for about ten seconds.”

    Caller: “Ok. Got it. Now what?”

    Me: “Ok, open the case and take a look inside. Does anything look melted or cracked or–”

    Caller: “Oh…”

    Me: “You found the problem?”

    Caller: *angry* “Oooh yeah. There’s… uh… there’s a little plastic bag taped to the inside of the case… full of dried green stuff.”

    Me: *trying not to laugh*

    Caller: “Thanks for your help. I need to go have a talk with my son.” *click*

    Welcome To Retail, Part 3

    , | Richmond, VA, USA |

    (I am watering the plants in the nursery, about two hours before closing time, and see a customer down the aisle.)

    Me: “Can I help you find anything, sir? ”

    Customer: “Uh… uh… ”

    (I then notice that he’s peeing on some of our boxwoods.)

    Me: “What–”

    Customer: “I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!” ¬†*zips up and runs out*

    Coworker: “Did that guy just quote Darkwing Duck at you?!”

    Me: *drops watering hose* “I’m taking a break.”

    Related:
    Welcome To Retail, Part 2
    Welcome To Retail

    Dumb, Dumberer And Dumberest

    | Anchorage, AK, USA |

    (I’m waiting in the movie ticket line and overhear three teenage girls having a conversation.)

    Girl #1: “What is the mat-in-ee?”

    Girl #2: “That’s like, a sea creature, right?”

    Girl #3: “OMG, you are so stupid! Its like when you get a discount because your dad is, like, in the military or something.”

    Girl #1: “OMG, I’m so stupid!”

    Girl #3: “Yeah, you should pay more attention to your surroundings!”

    Problem Is Too Stupid To Recognize It Exists

    | Perth, WA, Australia |

    Caller: “Hi, I want to use my roommate’s computer but it’s not working.”

    Me: “Could you describe the problem?”

    Caller: “Well, there’s a sign next to it that says ‘In case of error, PEBCAK.’ Could you explain it?”

    Me: *tries not to laugh* “It’s short for ‘Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard’.”

    Caller: “Oh! I get it! Hold on…”

    (I hear a loud cracking sound and some faint swearing.)

    Caller: “It’s still not working!”

    Me: “Er… what did you do?”

    Caller: “I took away the wooden bit under the keyboard… now it’s right over the chair!”

    (I actually head-desked after that.)

    Page 1,875/2,121First...1,8731,8741,8751,8761,877...Last