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    Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Bag Holder

    | Sherwood Park, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

    (I am guy in my late teens, bagging groceries for a male cashier when a woman in her mid to late thirties arrives at the till.)

    Cashier: “Here you go, ma’am.”

    Customer: “‘Ma’am?!’ Do I look old enough to be a ‘ma’am?!'”

    Cashier: “Uh, sorry miss.”

    Customer: “‘Miss!’ That’s even worse! You make me feel like an old maid! I’m still young and beautiful! And you, bag boy! Make sure the eggs are on top, okay?”

    Me: *miming shooting a gun and winking* “You got it, babe.”

    Customer: *blushing* “I…uh…okay.”

    Cashier: “Dude.”

    Totally, Like, Excruciatus

    | Hazel Grove, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, School

    (Two girls enter the bookstore. I recognize them as being two ditzy girls from my English class.)

    Me: “Hey, [Girl 1] and [Girl 2], what’s up? I didn’t think you guys liked hanging out in bookshops?”

    Girl 1: *giggles* “Duh! Did you like think that we’re geeks or something?”

    Girl 2: “Like, duh, I’m just looking for this book for my sister.”

    (Said sister happens to be one of my good friends.)

    Me: “Oh, what book does Jen want?”

    Girl 2: “It’s like, this book with some totally geeky wizards or something.”

    Me: “Do you mean Harry Potter? She’s already got those books.”

    Girl 2: “Like, no duh! It’s like, written by some totally old-ish chick named Jane or something. It’s like, about this chick named Emma.”

    Me:Emma by Jane Austen hasn’t got any wizards.”

    Girl 2: “Ain’t Emma that witch or something? That nerdy, bushy-haired one?”

    Me: “That’s Hermione Granger. Her actress is Emma Watson.”

    Girl 2: *huffing* “What-EVER! I’m like, so totally out of here, you geek!”

    They’re In A Galaxy Far, Far Away

    | New Zealand | Books & Reading, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, miss, can I help you?”

    Patron: “Yeah, I’ve been searching these shelves for about ten minutes and I can’t find any books on this one guy.”

    Me: “Who are you looking for books on?”

    Patron: “Oh, I think he’s quite famous! Wait, I know his name.”

    Me: “Well, what did he do?”

    Patron: “Something to do with the army…”

    (The patron pauses for a bit before realizing.)

    Patron: “Oh! Darth Vader!”

    Small Appliances, Big Defiances

    | Lima, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, Men’s Department. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Men’s? I wanted Small Appliances!”

    Me: “Well my phone is actually the closest to that department. We don’t have a phone or cash register in that section since it is small. So. I handle that department too.”

    Caller: “I want the Small Appliances Department!”

    Me: “Sir, there is no phone for that department and I can easily help you with any questions you have.”

    (He hangs up and immediately calls back.)

    Me: “Hello, Men’s. How may I help you today?”

    Same Caller: “Great, it’s you again. Well, fine…tell how much [a blender] is.”

    Me: “Well, since you don’t know the product code I will need to walk over to check the price myself. It will only take a few minutes.”

    Caller: “That’s bulls***!”

    (He hangs up and immediately calls back. We run through the same thing again.)

    Caller: “What is your name, you dumb b****?” I am going to call your manager and make sure you are fired you dumb***!” *click*

    (For this last call, my manager is here.)

    Manager: “I know he won’t call, but I wish I could tell him that you are getting a raise and promotion because of him.”

    Throw In A Chilean For Some Kick

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Uncategorized

    (There is a customer in the refrigerated dairy section, looking lost.)

    Me: “Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: *grabs my arm* “Oh, yes! I’m looking for cheese.”

    Me: “Well, it would be in this aisle. What kind of cheese?”

    Customer: “You know, it’s white, and has little green flecks of Filipino.”

    Me: “Uhm, I don’t think we have that. Do you mean jalapeño?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s it!”

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