If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Liars & Scammers

Customer: “I came in here yesterday and ordered a chai tea and you guys gave me a mocha. That was not what I ordered!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I apologize if somehow they got messed up.”

Customer: “Well, I want some sort of gift card or compensation. I am allergic to caffeine. It could have killed me!”

Me: “You are allergic to caffeine but you ordered a chai tea? You do realize that chai is a black tea and highly caffeinated, right?”

Customer: “I meant chocolate. I am allergic to chocolate!”

(I look down at two chocolate bars in her hand.)

Me: “Really?”

Customer: “Oh f*** you!”

Give One, Get One Free

| United Kingdom | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

(I’m waiting in line after ordering a cheeseburger. Another customer is being particularly annoying.)

Server: “Your cheeseburger’s ready sir. That’ll be £2.80.”

Me: *handing over money* “Thanks.”

Other customer: “Hey! Why’s he getting his first? We were here first, that’s mine!”

Server: “He ordered a cheeseburger. They’re quicker to make than double bacon burgers. Yours will be done in a minute.”

Other customer: “I want that one! That one is mine!”

(I nod to the server, and they hand the woman the burger.)

Other customer: “This has got cheese in it! And no bacon! Are trying to rip me off?!”

Server: “You said you wanted that one rather than what you ordered.”

Other customer: “This is appalling! I’m going elsewhere. You can’t get your orders in the right order!” *slams cheese burger on van shelf then walks off*

Server, to me: *smiling* “Would you like a free bacon burger with your cheeseburger?”

History (Deep) Pans Out

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, History, Language & Words

(A Native Canadian customer comes into the store with five small children.)

Customer: “Why do the Deluxe and the Hawaiian pizza cost the same? One has more toppings!”

Me: “To be honest, I’m not really sure. That’s just the way the company works, I guess.”

Customer: “Well, can I get a discount for the Hawaiian, then? It has five less toppings!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that.”

Customer: *long pause* “You’re a cruel person.”

Me: “Come again?”

Customer: “Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!”

Unable To Bridge The Gap

| Nevada, USA | Tourists/Travel

Customer:“Where is it?”

Me: “Where is what?”

Customer:“The bridge! The bridge over the lake.”

Me:“I’m sorry, sir, but there is no bridge over the lake.”

(The customer points to a local map.)

Customer: “There is, it’s right there! A bridge.”

Me: “Sir, that would be the state line that you are pointing at. It’s the line that separates California from Nevada. The state line.”

Customer:“Oh…so there’s no bridge?”

Had Too Many Muska-Beers

| Nanaimo, B.C., Canada | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Language & Words

Me: “Can I help you sir?”

Customer: “Yes do you have any books by Alexander Dumba**?”

Me: “I think you mean Alexandre Dumas?”

Customer: “Oh, is that how you say it?”

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