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    Why Don’t You Call The Cops On ‘Em

    | Zephyrhills, FL USA |

    (The number to our police department is only one digit off from a doctor’s office, so we often get wrong numbers.)

    Me: “Police Department.”

    Caller: “My doctor wrote a prescription for me for an X-ray and I need to make an appointment.”

    Me: “Okay, and how can the police department help you?”

    Caller: “Police department?! I was calling Dr. ***’s office! How DARE you answer his phone!”

    Permission To Abuse, Denied

    | St. John's, NL, Canada |

    (I’m trying to organize curtains, shams, valances, etc., when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

    Me: “I certainly do, can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: *snotty* “Yeah, can you get out of my way, please?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer, to his wife: “I can say that to her because she works here!”

    Prankin’ Like It’s 1929

    | Panama City Beach, FL, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how may I help you?”

    Older caller: “Ma’am, do y’all sell olive oil?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Older caller: “But do you have it in a can?”

    Me: “I’ve never seen one, but I know we have it in bottles of varying–”

    Older caller: “Could you check for me?”

    (I go down the aisle and sure enough, we carry massive 3-liter tin containers.)

    Me: “Ma’am, sorry about the wait. But to answer your question, we do have it in large three-liter cans as well as bottles of varying size. If you want I can pull one off the shelf and hold it at the Service De–”

    Older caller: “So you DO have olive oil in a can?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Aisle four.”

    Older caller: “WELL, YOU BETTER TELL HER THAT POPEYE’S LOOKIN’ FOR HER!” *hangs up*

    The Epiphany To End All Epiphanies

    | San Jose, CA, USA |

    (A customer orders an iced drink.  They usually come out with flat lids, but we were completely out and were forced to use the dome ones instead.)

    Customer: “Why does this have a round lid on it? I want my drink with a flat lid instead.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re completely out of flat lids today.”

    Customer: “But I want my round lid!”

    Me: “I promise you, it will taste exactly the same.”

    Customer: “Ooohhh…”

    The Devil Is In The De-Tails

    | Ohio, USA |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to make an appointment for a dismemberment.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I want to bring in my dog for a dismemberment!”

    Me: “Oh! You must mean a distemper shot.”

    Customer: “Yes! Now, when can I get my dog dismembered?”


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