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    Why You Never, Ever Share Toothbrushes

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    Customer: “I need to return this toothbrush.”

    Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

    Customer: “No – I thought it would work.”

    Me: “How did it not work?”

    Customer: “Well, it said it had indicator bristles, and when I peed on them they didn’t change color! How is it supposed to indicate if I’m pregnant or not?!”

    Me: “Ma’am…they’re to indicate whether the toothbrush needs replacing, not whether you’re pregnant.”

    Customer: *looks sheepish and leaves*

    Me: *to manager* “I’m going on break now…”

    Customer Of The Week: Good Help

    | Terrace, British Columbia, Canada | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week:  Good Help
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story

    Minimally Criminal

    | New Zealand |

    Me: “Good Afternoon, Civil Department.”

    Caller: “Hi, I’d like to know what happened in my son’s case today”.

    Me: “I can’t tell you any details, but I can tell you if they have finished. Can you give me the case number?”

    Caller: “Oh, I don’t have one.”

    Me: “Are you sure this is a civil case and not criminal?”

    Caller: “Definitely Civil. Not Criminal! My son’s not a criminal!”

    Me: “Okay, could I get a last name to see if I can find it that way?”

    Caller: “The name is *****.”

    Me: “Okay, that name isn’t showing up at all. Are you sure its not a Criminal case?”

    Caller: “MY SON IS NOT A CRIMINAL! How dare you suggest it, you b**ch!”

    Me: “Okay… can you tell me what the case was about?”

    Caller: “Oh, kidnapping and assault.”

    Me: *transfers to Criminal*

    Culinary Confusion

    | Kenner, LA, USA |

    (I was working at the concessions stand taking someone’s order, when a man walks up and cuts in line.)

    Customer: “Hey, why does this theater look so run down?”

    Me: “Uh…well, it is kind of old, but as you can see from the sign we are renovating.”

    Customer: “Oh. Can I get a popcorn then? Is it fresh?”

    Me: “Sir, you just cut in line. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get back in line if you want service.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

    (He pauses, but doesn’t move from his place beside me at the counter. I finish my transaction and clear up the line, and he’s still standing there.)

    Customer: “So…what’s up with those corn dogs?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Those corn dogs. What’s wrong with them?”

    Me: *looking around, utterly confused* “Uh…the hot dogs? I don’t see anything wrong with them.”

    Customer: “No, the corn dogs! They look awfully…green, don’t they?”

    Me: *following his eyes* “Sir…I think you’re talking about the pickles.”

    Customer: “Oh…that’s what they are? Could have fooled me.”

    Me: “…”

    A Swing And A Miss

    , | Saskatchewan, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?”

    Caller: “Electronics, please.”

    Me: “We’re an electronics store, ma’am. Could you be more specific?”

    Caller: “Umm…just one moment.”

    (She hangs up. Five minutes later, she calls back.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?”

    Caller: “Electronics DEPARTMENT, please.”

    Me: “…”

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