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    Half Past Wine

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (It was past closing time, all the lights were off and the gate was half closed. I came out of the back to find a woman standing in the store.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we’re closed.”

    Customer: *slurred* “But I need to buy some peanut butter.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’ll have to come back tomorrow morning, we open at 10.”

    Customer: “I thought you were open till 9? You shouldn’t be closing early. That’s bad business.”

    Me: “It’s past 9, ma’am.”

    Customer: “But the bartender downstairs said it was another half hour until all the stores closed.”

    Me: “How long ago was that?”

    Customer: “It couldn’t have been too long. I only had a couple of drinks after he told me.”

    Make A Bullet Point About Bertha

    | Peoria, IL, USA | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

    Me: “Sir, do we need to speak with anyone other than yourself to gain access onto your property?”

    Customer: “No, no. My wife will be home. Oh yeah, and Bertha.”

    Me: “Bertha, sir?”

    Customer: “Bertha’s my shotgun, in case any of your technicians decide to get kinky with my wife.”

    Excess Of XY

    | Hilton, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, My name is Randi, I’ll be taking your order tonight.”

    Old man: “Randi? That’s a boy’s name.”

    Me: “No, it’s spelled with a ‘Y’. Mine is spelled with an ‘I’. I’m a girl.”

    Old woman: “Leave her alone, maybe she’s both! They have those nowadays.”

    Labouring Over The Decision

    | Wollongong, Australia | Extra Stupid, Politics, Uncategorized

    (We are having our federal election. I have just given a voter her ballot papers, and she told me she was familiar with how to vote. However, about 5 minutes later, I see her desperately trying to get her hand into the ballot box.)

    Customer: “Someone help me!”

    Me: “What is it? Are you okay?”

    Customer: “No! I voted for the wrong person! I don’t want that evil man running my country! I just got confused!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, I can’t get into the ballot box until 6pm tonight. Tell me what happened, and I’ll ask my supervisor if there’s anything we can do.”

    Customer: “I meant to vote for Julia Gillard but I accidentally put my preference down as Labour!”

    Me: “I think you’re okay then. Julia Gillard is the Labour representative.”

    Customer: *suddenly looking shifty* “Well duh. Why else would I have voted for Labour?”

    How To Rock The Boat

    | Escanaba, MI, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Uncategorized

    (I work at a hotel where some of the rooms overlook the lake. I get a customer checked in and give him a key to a room over looking the lake, but he comes back to the front desk after 5 minutes.)

    Customer: “This is unacceptable!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

    Customer: “I went down there, and there is room 144, then 146, there is no 145!”

    Me: “Sir, it’s on the other side of the hotel. You have to go through the hallway.”

    Customer: “So I have to walk through someone else’s room?”

    Me: “No, this room is on the lake side of the hotel.”

    Customer: “The lake side? Well how do I get there? I don’t have a boat!”

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