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    A Woman Of Few Words

    , | Midwest, USA |

    (I was in our technology support office when a housekeeping staff person, Donna, stopped by. There was no preamble to the dialog below.)

    Donna: “Dr. Franklin gets e-mail in his office.”

    Me: *nods*

    Donna: “Alicia says she can check her e-mail in the office.”

    Me: *nods*

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: “Nice.”

    Donna: “Nice?”

    Me: “Not nice?”

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: “I like e-mail, too.”

    Donna: “You don’t have it?”

    Me: “I do.”

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: *biting lower lip, uncertain what to say or do*

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: *glancing at the clock on the wall*

    Donna: “I like to have e-mail.”

    Me: “I like having e-mail, too, and I check it all the time.”

    Donna: “Can I have it? I like to have e-mail.”

    Related:
    The Art Of Ambiguity

    The (Mystery) State Of The Union

    | Williamsport, PA, USA |

    (I was an 800-directory operator. We weren’t information, we just gave you 1-800 numbers.)

    Caller: “Excuse me, but what state is Kentucky in?”

    Me: “Well, Kentucky IS a state.”

    Caller: “Yeah, but what state is it in?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s not IN a state. There are 50 states, and Kentucky is one of them.”

    Caller: “Well, there’s 52 states if you count Alaska and Hawaii.”

    Me, sarcastically: “There’s only 52 states if you count Alaska and Hawaii TWICE. But there’s only 51 if you don’t count Kentucky.”

    Caller: *click*

    The 8th Sign Of The Apocalypse

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    Grumpy Old Man: “There’s too much salt in the shakers.”

    Me: “…”

    G.O.M.: *picks up shaker to demonstrate*

    Me: “I’m…sorry?”

    G.O.M.: “THERE’S NO SHAKE ROOM!”

    Me: “I’ll get right on that.”

    PEBCAK, Episode II

    | Austin, TX, USA |

    (We get a LOT of calls like this.)

    Him: “I locked myself out of my computer, and I can’t get in and I need to get in! My password doesn’t work!”

    Me: “Okay, we can do a password reset for you.”

    Him: “This is really important, I need to be able to log in!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, no problem. Can you just verify your login ID for me?”

    Him: *verifies*

    Me: “Okay, great. Now can you verify that your Caps Lock is not on?”

    Him: “What? That’s stupid, why would I…oh.” *silence*

    Me: “Sir?”

    Him: “…it just worked all of a sudden, thanks.”

    Me: “…”

    Related:
    Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard

    Fecal Tender

    | Connecticut, USA |

    (A customer came in, grabbed a 40 ounce bottle of beer, approached my manager and talked to him for a minute. The customer walked out and my manager came to the counter with the beer and some money. He purchased the beer, walked outside and then returned. When no one was in the store, we all turned to the manager and asked what happened.)

    Manager: “Well, the customer has the money to buy the beer…but he had an issue.”

    Us: “What happened?”

    Manager: “He said he was coughing real hard in the cooler…and he sh*t in his pants…”

    (That liquor store has never heard such laughter in the entirety of its existence.)


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