Chinchilla, I Choose You

| San Diego, CA, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”

Me: *pause* “A pikachu?”

Customer: “Yeah, you know. It looks like a hamster and a rabbit put together.”

Me: “Do you mean a chinchilla?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s it!”

Magic Marker

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, I want a piece of this cheese but the only one you have expires tomorrow.”

Me: “Sorry, it looks like we’re sold out of that kind. Our truck comes in tomorrow though.”

Customer: *holding out the piece of cheese* “Well just put more days on it then!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Just put more days on this piece!”

Me: “You want me to print a new label with a different expiration date?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: “Ma’am, no matter what the label says, the cheese is going to expire tomorrow.”

Customer: “That’s just stupid!”

Try Telling That To The Banks

| Garland, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

(I am working the returns counter when a couple walks in with a set of weights.)

Me: “How can we help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, we need to return this. It’s the wrong color.”

Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes. But we’re going to do an exchange for something cheaper. Is it alright if we get what’s left over on a gift card?”

Me: “Sure.”

(The couple go shopping and come back. We go through the transaction.)

Me: “Alright, so $60.00 will be credited back. Do you have the credit card you used?”

Customer: “But we wanted the extra on a gift card.”

Me: “Yes, but since theft is a common problem, it’s store policy to check your ID first.  I just need to verify that you have the original card.”

Customer: “But we want the extra on a gift card.  Do you understand? What’s left over, on a gift card!”

Me: “Yes, I understand, but I need to see the original card first.”

Customer: “But I don’t have it. I don’t own that card!”

Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t do this transaction.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want what’s left over on a gift card, so that my wife can use it!”

Me: “Yes, but sir, it’s illegal for us to take somebody else’s money without their permission.”

Customer: “God D*****! Since when do you need permission to get somebody else’s money?”

Thick Accents, Thicker Heads

| New Zealand | Books & Reading, Movies & TV, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

(A teenage girl enters the library.)

Me: “Hi, do you need help?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “Okay. Are you a member of this library or any other Wellington library?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I’m here with my mother for the US summer ’cause I live with Dad in Florida.”

Me: “We can sign you up to the library for free and issue you a card. The card will cost two dollars.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “So, what book were you looking for?”

Customer: “Twilight. Have you heard of it? Most people in America have read it, but I’m not sure if it’s here.”

Me: “Oh, yeah. It was quite big for a while. My sister loved it.”

Customer: “It’s my second favorite book ever, after Eclipse.”

Me: “Oh, did you leave your copy in America?”

Customer: “No, I just wanted a copy from here because everyone here has really funny accents  and I wanted to know how that would change the story.”

Cross Examining Churches

| Saint John, NB, Canada | Religion, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

(I don’t work in tourism though I must seem like a friendly person since I do get a lot of people stopping me to ask questions of where things are.)

Tourist: “Are you familiar with the area? Do you live around here?”

Me: “Yes I do, what can I help you with?”

Tourist: “I’m looking for a cathedral in this area somewhere.”

Me: “Okay, which one in particular? There’s about four around here.”

Tourist: “I’m looking for a Catholic cathedral.”

Me: “Okay, let me think…the Anglican church is that way, there’s one near by don’t know what it is, one over up the street a ways–”

Tourist: “I don’t want no Anglican church! Bloody Anglican whores! I want Catholic!”

Me: “I think it’s that one right over there.” *I point at the church*

Tourist: “Yes, that’s a cathedral. It had better not be Anglican or I’ll hunt you down!”

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