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    It Comes And Goes

    | Derby, UK |

    Customer: “Miss, is this a diet soda or a regular?”

    Me: “Diet, sir – it’s what you ordered.”

    Customer: “Are you SURE it’s diet?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I poured it myself.”

    Customer: “Well, it had better be, because I’m allergic to sugar!”

    Me: *later, taking the food order* “…and what would you like for dessert, sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, I’ll have the chocolate cheesecake sundae.”

    Time To Expand

    | Conway, AR, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling **** Hotel Reservations, this is ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, do you have any rooms?”

    Me: “For what night?”

    Customer: “Tonight.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir; we’re all sold out.”

    Customer: “What do you mean, ‘sold out’?”

    Me: “That means we’ve sold all of our rooms for tonight.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have people who haven’t shown up yet?”

    Me: “Um…yes, but they’ve held their rooms with a credit card.”

    Customer: “Well, what does that mean?”

    Me: “If they don’t show up, we’re authorized to charge them, and it means that we must hold their rooms.”

    Customer: “So you’re telling me that you don’t have ANY rooms?”

    Me: “No sir, we don’t.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. You’re refusing to sell me empty rooms? And what hotel doesn’t have enough rooms?”

    Me: “Sir, we can only build so many rooms.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense. May I speak to your manager?”

    Me: “I’m the manager on duty.”

    Customer: “Well, you’ve been no help at all. I’m going to be calling corporate about this.”

    Me: “About the fact that we’re sold out for the night?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Um…Ok.”

    Customer: “You’ve been very unhelpful!” *click*

    Not-So-Friendly Skies

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, when does the non-smoking sign go off?”

    Me: “It doesn’t. You’re not allowed to smoke on this flight.”

    Customer: “But it’s lit up! The seatbelt light turns off, and I think I need a smoke.”

    Me: “You’re not allowed to smoke on an airplane.”

    Customer: “I can’t just go outside and smoke, can I? *points to an emergency exit*

    Me: “Er…good luck with that….”

    Better Safe Than Sorry

    | Toronto, Ontario, Canada |

    (I am just finishing up a sale with an older gentleman for show tickets.)

    Me: “Ok, just to let you know, there are no refunds or exchanges for these tickets, and the show does contain shooting, swearing, and smoking.”

    Customer: “I hope not in my row!”

    Me: *confused* “Well, it’s a show…you can see everything from every seat…so–”

    Customer: “I’m talking about the shooting!”

    Me: “Oh! Well, no…they shoot each other on-stage….”

    Customer: “Not the audience?”

    Me: “Not the audience. What kind of theater do you think we’re running here?!”

    Customer: “I don’t know…I just don’t want to get shot.”

    Generosity Which Knows No Bounds

    , | Seattle, WA, USA |

    (We were having a toy drive – if you bought and donated any $5 toy, you could receive 20% off your entire purchase. A woman wearing a fur coat was buying five bags of toys.)

    Me: “Ma’am, would you be interested in donating a toy today? Since your total comes to $400, you’d save $80–”

    Customer: *angrily* “My husband and I donate to CHARITY, so I don’t think I need to be guilt-tripped into your awful little toy drive!”

    Me: “Your total is $400, then.”

    Customer: “Is there any way I can get a discount?”

    Me: “No…no, I’m afraid not.”

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