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    At Least It’s Hands-Free Now

    | Oslo, Norway | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

    Caller: “My phone isn’t working.”

    Me: “No problem. I can help you with that.”

    Caller: “Good. I hate these things.”

    Me: “Sir, can you locate the power button on the top of your mobile, hold it in for 10 seconds, and then release?”

    (The customer is quiet, and then I hear a crash.)

    Me: “What happened?”

    Caller: “I did what you told me to do. Hold the button for 10 seconds and then release the phone.”

    Me: “No, I meant release the button, not the whole phone.”

    Caller: “Well, if it wasn’t broken earlier, it sure is now!”

    Like Two Beans In A Pod

    | Bellevue, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [coffee shop], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, hi, is this the one on Main Street in downtown?”

    Me: “We’re actually part of a shopping center that is on the corner of Main Street but we’re several miles from downtown.”

    Caller: “Oh, well what’s the one on Main Street?”

    Me: “I don’t believe there is a [coffee shop] on Main Street downtown, Ma’am.”

    Caller: “Yes, yes there is, I know there’s one on Main Street! How do I get there?”

    Me: “There is a [other leading coffee chain] on Main Street downtown. Is that what you mean?”

    Caller: “Yes! Can you call them for me? What’s their address?”

    Me: “I don’t know, Ma’am. We’re separate companies.”

    Caller: “But you both serve coffee! Doesn’t that make you the same?”

    Literally Going Nowhere

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “It’s this stupid GPS watch that I bought. What a big waste of money!  It doesn’t even work.”

    Me: “What’s the problem with it?”

    Customer: “It shows the time, but not now how far I ran. I was running on the treadmill for over 30 minutes!”

    A Pressing Issue

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

    (The customer has a standard flip phone that she wants to program.)

    Me: “Ok, let’s try the automated system first, and if that doesn’t work, we will do it manually. Please dial *228, press send, and when the automated voice comes on, press 1.”

    (In the background, I can hear the customer dialing, and the voice coming on. No response from the customer.)

    Me: “Just press the button on your keypad that has the number ‘1’ on it, then some music will start.”

    Customer: “Ok, now, how do I press ‘1’?”

    Me: “Just press the button marked ‘1’”.”

    Customer: “No! I know there’s a button marked ‘1’. What I’m asking is how do I press it?”

    Killing One Cold Bird With Two Stores

    | Melbourne, Australia | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Top

    Customer: *throws bag of food at me* “It’s f***ing cold! Your chicken is terrible and the bun is stale!”

    Me: “Uh, this is–”

    Customer: “No, shut up! You guys always f*** me over, you’re not getting away with it today!”

    Me: “You didn’t–”

    Customer: “Fine! Get your manager, if you won’t help me. Enjoy being fired, a**wipe!”

    Another customer: “You’re at [fast food outlet], mate. You bought your food from [rival store], next door.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *awkward silence* “Can I have that bag back?”

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