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  • Fighting Crazy With Crazy, Part 2

    | Australia |

    (A customer walks in with three cats. One of them is blind, one is shaved and one is dressed as a clown.)

    Me: “Um…this is dog grooming.”

    Customer: “I know, I want to leave my cats here for a year. I heard this was military school.”

    Me: “…I think you want the kennel down the road.”

    Customer: “No, there are penguins there! And bacteria!”

    Me: “…”

    Manager: *to me* “I just went down to the e-coli farm for some sea ice. Want some?”

    Customer: *angrily* “WELL I NEVER!” *storms out*

    Related:
    Fighting Crazy With Crazy

    Recipe For An Interesting Evening

    | California, USA |

    Female Customer: “Hi there! Where do you keep your ping-pong balls?”

    Me: “Right over here.” *walks her over to them*

    Customer: “Oh great! Now, where do you sell your Vaseline?”

    One Scamwich, Coming Right Up

    | Texas, USA |

    Customer: “Yeah, we were in earlier and ordered 2 turkey sandwiches, a ham sandwich and a club sandwich, all a foot long. There were flies in them so I want you to give me a refund.”

    Manager: “There were flies in your sandwiches?”

    Customer: “Yes, it was gross. I want my money back!”

    Manager: “Well, where are the sandwiches? Why didn’t you bring them right back?”

    Customer: “I was already home by the time we opened them.”

    Manager: “Well, do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “No! I just want my money back, there were flies in my sandwiches!”

    Manager: “Sir, I’m going to have to check and make sure there was an order that matches before I can see about a refund.”

    Customer: “…huh?” *long pause, then hurries out of the store*

    I LAve L.A.

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Customer: *holds up sweatshirt* “Oh my god, they spelled this wrong!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Los Angeles!”

    Me: “Um, that’s how you spell it.”

    Customer: “Nooooo. It says LOS Angeles, but it’s supposed to be LAS Angeles. It’s pronounced LAS Angeles. Am I right?”

    Customer’s friends: “Yeah, totally!”

    Customer: “And, actually, shouldn’t it be LAS AngeLAS? Because that’s how you say it, LAS AngeLAS!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I can’t believe no one has ever noticed this before!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s shocking…”

    And The Cycle Starts Anew

    | Thousand Oaks, CA, USA |

    (A customer stomps into my store and starts yelling at me.)

    Customer: “I had an allergic reaction to a Vanilla Ice Blended from the store in [other location] and the manager there said I could have whatever I wanted here for free.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that. Do you have a receipt?”

    Customer: “I had to drive out to Cedars-Sinai last night and I was there until four in the morning! The people at [other location] said I could have anything I wanted! I had an allergic reaction!”

    Me: “Well, then… what would you like?”

    Customer: “I want two Vanilla Ice Blendeds…”

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