Not Quite Getting To Beirut Of The Matter

| Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Uncategorized

(An elderly man, his son and a nurse stop by the hospital cafe. The man is looking at the soft drinks in the fridge.)

Man: “I want a lemonade!”

Me: “Are you allowed to have lemonade?” *to son* “Isn’t he diabetic?”

Son: “No, he’s Lebanese.”

Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 2

| New Jersey, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

Caller: “Do you have a stylist who specializes in blonde hair?”

Me: “We have several expert colorists, yes. Would you like to make an appointment?”

Caller: “Oh, I’m not looking for a colorist! Just someone who knows how to cut blonde hair.”

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Makes You Want To Dye A Little

Intelligence Doesn’t Grow On Trees

| Maryland, USA | Holidays, Uncategorized

(A couple is price shopping for their tree.)

Customer: “How do you figure out the price of the tree?”

Me: “We count the needles and divide by a thousand.”

Customer: “Well, that makes sense.”

Me: “Yeah, it takes a really long time to do each morning.”

Customer: “You’re BSing me, aren’t you?”

Me: “Yes sir, I am.”

Customer’s A Real Dodo

| Fresno, CA, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey, do you guys sell any extinct fish?”

(I pause to see if she is messing with me, but she is serious.)

Me: “No, sorry. They are really hard to come by.”

Meaty Political Issues

, | Michigan, USA | Food & Drink, Politics, Uncategorized

(One of the meats we offer is a barbecued shredded beef, which we refer to as Barbacoa.)

Customer: “I’ll take a burrito with Barack Obama.”

Me: “One burrito with barbacoa coming up.”

Customer: “What’d you call it?”

Me: “Barbacoa.”

Customer: “Oh, thank God. I’m a Republican.”

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