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    High Cholesterol, Low IQ

    | Traverse City, MI, USA | Health & Body, Politics

    Patient: “We need to schedule a surgery.”

    Me: *looking over the patient’s chart* “Surgery? For what, ma’am?”

    Patient: “The doctor said I had high cholesterol. And I want him to go in and cut it out. Take it all, I say.”

    Me: “He can’t just go in and remove the cholesterol. There are ways that you can lower your cholesterol.”

    Patient: “Don’t lie to me. There’s cholesterol free food. I’ve seen it. Someone has to go into the food and take it out, now don’t they? You just don’t want me to use my free health care. You probably voted for McCain!”

    Me: “Let me see if I can reach the doctor.”

    Why Bus Drivers Should Rule The World

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I am in the middle of a long bus ride. A woman is talking extremely loudly on her cell phone. Several other commuters have already moved away from her.)

    Driver: “Ma’am. I have to ask you to quiet down. You are disturbing other passengers.”

    Woman: “Ugh.”

    (She lowers her voice for about three minutes, then begins yelling again.)

    Driver: “Ma’am, I told you once already. If I can hear it, it’s too loud. If you don’t take it down a notch you’re getting off at the next stop.”

    Woman: *glares* “I am trying to have a private conversation! Will you give me a minute?”

    (At this point, a man who had moved away silently stands up, removes the big “Be A Considerate Commuter” sign from the overhead rack, and sits pointedly across from her with it.)

    Woman: “Hold on, Lita. Some a** is trying to get my attention.” *covers phone* “If you don’t like it, you can get off the bus! Stop eavesdropping on me!”

    Man: “Well ma’am, at this point, I think you could talk a little louder and dispense with the phone entirely.”

    Woman: *flustered and angry* “Whatever! Okay, I’m back, Lita. So, anyway…”

    (I hope the next stop was hers, because that’s where the driver left her.)

    Related:
    Why Cashiers Should Rule The World
    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 2
    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World

    Orders With Benefits

    | Durham, NC, USA | Food & Drink, Movies & TV

    (There are two teenage males in line, one at the register being helped, and the other standing behind him. They seem to be friends, but are standing in line as though they are ordering separately. As there is only one register, I decide to get started on preparing the second guy’s order.)

    Me: “Hey, are you guys together or separate?”

    First guy: “Oh, we’re together. Oh wait!” *shocked look* “Did you mean like, ‘together together’, or if we’re just buying together?”

    Me: “I don’t follow.”

    Second Guy: “Are you asking if we’re dating?”

    Me: “Whichever one will make me make your food faster, I guess?”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, can I get a piece of candy?”

    Me:  “Sure, that’s one dollar.”

    Customer:  “Oh. I only have a five.” *starts walking away*

    Me: “Excuse me, Ma’am? I said it’s only a dollar.”

    Customer: “I know. Why would I waste four dollars?”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession

    Military Intelligence, Part 6

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Extra Stupid

    (A patron had an item due back at 3:59 pm, so that read as ‘03:59 pm’. They returned it around 3 pm.)

    Patron: “I don’t know what time this was due at. I can’t read army time.”

    Me: “We don’t use military time. Where were you seeing it at?”

    Patron: “Right here on the receipt, it says ‘13:59 pm’.”

    Me: “It says 03:59 pm. Just drop the zero.”

    Patron: “No, army time is harder than that.”

    Me: “If it was due back at 13:59, it would’ve been due back at 1:59 pm.”

    Patron: “So, I’m late?”

    Me: “No, because we don’t use military time. Plus, that’s still not proper military time formatting. All you have to do on our receipts is drop that zero and you have the normal time.”

    Patron: “Oh! I get it now! So if I drop the one, then I get the correct time from army time?”

    Me: “That’s not military time or a one.”

    Patron: “I’m glad to know how army time works now!”

    Related:
    Military Intelligence, Part 5
    Military Intelligence, Part 4
    Military Intelligence, Part 3
    Military Intelligence, Part 2
    Military Intelligence, Part 1

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