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    Big Lies Are Better Than Small Ones

    | Willimantic, CT, USA | Top

    (Often I enter the beer cooler with shorts, a t-shirt and some rubber-hand work gloves on.)

    Me: *walks out of the cooler*

    Customer: “Are you f***ing insane? It’s freezing in there.

    Me: “I don’t mind it.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***! You know it’s cold. Why would you lie to me?”

    Me: “Excuse me? I’m pretty sure I know my own tolerance and I’m working so I get a bit warm, even in there.”

    Customer: “WARM!? In a COOLER!? You’re a G**D*** LIAR! How can you be WARM in THERE!”

    Me: “I’m Canadian, and ever since my igloo melted I only feel at home in there.”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t know. I’m sorry for your loss.”

    This Chicken Has Flown The Coop

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    (Working at the zoo, I hear a lot of strange things from visitors…)

    Me: *feeds chickens*

    Older man: “Oh, you’re a bus stop!”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Older man: “A bus stop! You’re a bus stop, aren’t you?”

    Me: “?”

    Woman: “No, she’s not a bus stop.”

    Older man: “…oh.”

    Me: *completely at a loss*

    America’s Debt Crisis, Explained

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling cardholder service, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “You sent me a bill. Why?”

    Me: “May I please have your card number?”

    Customer: “I threw it away when the balance was gone.”

    Me: “Um… can I have your social security number?”

    Customer: *gives number*

    Me: “I show your current balance is $10,027.31, due on 07/25/2008. Would you like to make a payment today so you do not get a late fee?”

    Customer: “What do you mean? Why did you send me a bill?”

    Me: “Sir, because you purchased those items you are required to repay the account.”

    Customer: “No. You gave me the money, so I spent it.”

    Me: “A credit card is a short term loan. You are required to pay it back.”

    Customer: “No, I’m not!” *click*

    (This is the third call like this in the past month.)

    We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 3

    | Ohio, USA | Awesome Customers

    (The store I work at has a policy where an employee has to check every customer’s receipt on their way out the exit. After checking several receipts, a customer walks up with three items in his cart and starts walking right past me.)

    Me: “Sir, I need to check your receipt.”

    Customer: “I only have three items in my cart.”

    Me: “I know, but it’s store policy. I just need to mark it with –”

    Customer: “It’s because I’m black, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’re only checking my receipt because I’m black! You think because I’m black, I’m a thief!”

    Me: “Sir, I checked the receipts for everybody in front of you, and I’m going to check the receipts for everybody behind you. Now if you’ll let me see your receipt, I just need to mark it. You’re holding everybody up.”

    Customer: “No, I’m not moving until you call your manager! I don’t shop here to be treated like this! You d*** racist!”

    (At this point, a big, imposing customer waiting behind him–who just happens to also be African American–explodes.)

    Big, imposing customer: “GET YOUR A** OUT OF THE WAY NOW!”

    Customer: *hands me receipt*

    Related:
    We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 2
    We Need One Of These In Every Store

    At Least He’s Being Honest

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, where are your graphic novels?”

    Me: “Graphic novel section? If you’ll just follow me, I ca–”

    Customer: “No. Graphic novels.”

    Me: “Graphic novels. Right this way–”

    Customer: “No! Graphic novels!”

    Me: “Graphic novels.”

    Customer: “No… graphic novels!”

    (A moment of silence passes…)

    Customer: “Sorry, I’m feeling contrary.”

    Related:
    At Least She’s Being Honest


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