Church At The Checkout

| Christchurch, NZ | Uncategorized

(A customer and her young daughter come up to my register.)

Me: “Hi there! How are you going?”

Mother: “I’m good, thanks!”

(Her daughter spots the sponge we use to make the bags easier to open.)

Daughter: “It’s the sponge! The sponge of baptism!”

Me: *speechless*

Daughter: “The sponge of baptism!” *places finger on sponge and wipes on forehead*

Mother: “We’re not even religious…”

Hot Flashes Of Inspiration

, | Minnesota, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Here’s your change, ma’am. Have a great day!”

Customer: “Oh, how pleasant! Excuse me dear, but what is your name?”

Me: “Why, it’s Katie.”

Customer: “Katie, huh? Katie… what a gorgeous name! Why, if I hadn’t already gone through menopause, I would have named one of my kids after you!”

Something Smells Fishy, Part 2

| Petoskey, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer buys an African clawed frog for her son. After bagging it, I bring it to the register. It swims around in the bag for a second as I set it down.)

Customer: “Oh my god, what is it doing?”

Me: “You mean swimming?”

Customer: “Why did it do that?”

Me: “It was probably coming up for a breath.”

Customer: “It breathes?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “So, it’s not a fish?”

Related:
Something Smells Fishy

The Grapes Of Telepaths

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a merchandiser working one of the stores on my route. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “White wine!”

Me: “You want a white wine?”

Customer: “White wine!”

Me: “Okay, sir. How about this one?”

(I hold out a bottle of Chardonnay.)

Customer: “That’s yellow. I want white wine.”

Me: “Okay. How about a White Zinfandel?”

Customer: “That’s pink. White wine!”

Me: “Okay, how about this?”

(I hold out a bottle of Pinot Grigio.)

Customer: “That’s clear. I want white!”

Me: “Sir, these are all white wines I’m showing you.”

Customer: “I want a white wine!”

Me: “Sir, these are white wines. ”

Customer: “That one’s yellow. That one’s pink. That one’s clear. I want white wine!”

(This went on for another ten minutes until his friend showed up. Turns out he wanted a yellow Chardonnay.)

That’s A Very Good Point

| London, UK | Uncategorized

Customer #1: “What size needles do I need to use?”

Customer #2: “Well, it depends on the tension of your knitting.”

Customer #1: “Oh, I’m quite loose.”

Customer #2: *laughs* “I wouldn’t say that in this town. You might get in trouble.”

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