November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Never Send A Man…Period

| Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(A male customer is in the feminine hygiene aisle and has requested to speak to a female employee.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you with something?”

Customer: *obviously embarrassed* “I need some ‘female products’.”

Me: “Okay, you’re in the right place. This is all our selection.”

Customer: “Really?” *points to the pads* “I don’t think these will work. They all look so small.”

Me: “Well, most women prefer that. But if you want something different, the tampons are right here as well.”

Customer: “Oh, gross. No, I would rather these but bigger, so they’ll work.”

Me: “This is really all we have.”

Customer: “Hmm, what about some diapers or something like that? Do you have those?”

Me: “What? Do you mean baby diapers? Sir, I really don’t think that’s what you want.”

Customer: “You’re right, they probably cost twice as much anyways. I think I’m going to tell my wife to come in after work and figure this out herself.”

Me: “I think that’s a very good idea, sir.”

Finally Gets The Joint

| Portland, OR, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Uncategorized

(A customer enters the shop and smells strongly of marijuana.)

Customer: “Can I get a pack of cigarette papers?”

Me: “Sure. Do you need any loose cigarette tobacco?”

Customer: “Why would I want that?”

Me: “For the cigarette papers.”

Customer: “What? You can make cigarettes with them?!”

Networking Not Working

| Victoria, Australia | Technology, Uncategorized

Caller: “I hope this won’t take much time.”

Me: “It won’t, ma’am, it’s only a few simple steps. First of all, I need you to double click on My Computer.”

Caller: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Ma’am, our records show you running a Windows computer. Has that changed?”

Caller: “I don’t think so.”

Me: “Okay, now just double click on My Computer for me please.”

Caller: “How can I do that?”

Me: “It should be right there in front of you. Make sure all other windows are closed down and you should, hopefully, see it in the top left corner.”

Caller: “How am I suppose to click on your computer? You must be like hundreds of miles away!”

Ordering Meatballs, Talking Baloney

| Manchester, CT, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I would like a sandwich.”

Me: “Sure, what sandwich would you like?”

Customer: “I want a hot sandwich.”

Me: “Okay, do you mean heated or spicy?”

Customer: “Oh heated, I don’t like spicy. So I will have meatball.”

Me: “Sure, would that be six-inch or foot-long?”

Customer: “Uhm…whole please.”

Me: “Okay, foot-long? What type of bread?”

Customer: “White.”

Me: “We don’t have white, but we have Italian.”

Customer: “Fine, whatever. Oh, and I think my daughter wants a sandwich too.”

Me: “What type of sandwich does she want?”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know? She’s not here!”

Don’t Bet On This One

| Canterbury, UK | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

Customer: “Wow, this wheel spins around and I think you put a ball in it.”

Me: “Yes madam, it’s a roulette wheel.”

Customer: “And what’s the point. Do you have to guess the numbers?”

Me: “Some people actually bet on the outcome as well.”

Customer: “That’s an awesome idea. They should have those in casinos!”