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    When The Shoe Is On The Other Foot

    | Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

    (I’m shoe shopping, and I’ve taken off my own shoes to try on some other pairs. Another customer is browsing in the same aisle; she looks at my shoes and starts to try them on.)

    Me: “Excuse me? Those are mine.”

    Customer: “No, they’re not. I saw them first.”

    Me: “No, I mean, I bought them a while ago. See, they don’t have price tags on them.”

    (Ignoring me, she takes off my shoes, and calls over an employee.)

    Customer: “Do you have these in size seven?”

    Employee: “I’ve never seen these before. Do you have the box they were in?”

    Me: “That’s because they’re mine. They’re not from here.”

    Customer: *rolls eyes* “She keeps saying that, but I saw them first.”

    Employee: “Uh, ma’am, she’s right. These are from [another shoe store].”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, can I buy them here?”

    Employee: *gives me back my shoes* “Sorry, no.”

    Customer: “Well, if that’s how you treat your customers here, I’m leaving!”

    (As she walks out, she stops to check out my bag on the floor.)

    Me: “That’s mine, too.”

    When Just Being A Doctor Isn’t Cool Enough

    | Erie, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Uncategorized

    (I work in a hospital kitchen with an adjoining cafeteria. A doctor pokes his head in the door and calls attention to himself. I stop what I’m doing to help him.)

    Doctor: “Excuse me, the coolers in the cafeteria are all turned off. Could you please turn them on?”

    Me: “Well, there’s nothing in them right now. We’re still making the food. It would be a waste of electricity to turn on an empty cooler.”

    Doctor: “But I’m a doctor.”

    Me: “I…I know that.”

    Doctor: “If you know, then why won’t you turn them on?”

    Me: “Sir, I can’t turn them on. There’s no need.”

    Doctor: *pauses* “But I’m a doctor.”

    Me: “Sir–”

    Doctor: “I’m a doctor!”

    Me: “Okay, I can turn them on.”

    (I walk into the cafeteria with him and flip the switches on the empty coolers.)

    Doctor: “Thank you.”

    (He walks away empty-handed, apparently satisfied.)

    Me: “Okay then.”

    (I turn the coolers off again and go back to the kitchen.)

    Third Time Is Not Charming

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work in a ground level office, and am usually the only one working within view of both the front and back doors.)

    Customer: *coming in from the back hallway* “Hello, I’m here for my appointment.”

    Me: “With who?”

    Customer: “With [Name].”

    Me: “I think you’re in the wrong office.”

    Customer: “Oh, terribly sorry.” *goes back down to the backdoor, and reappears from the front door a few minutes later* “Hello, I’m here to see [Name] for my appointment?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the same office. You have to go down the stairs in the parking lot to get to [Company Name]. They’re on the basement level.”

    Customer: “Oh! That explains it, thank you!” *heads out the front door again, but wanders back down the back hallway almost immediately*

    Me: “Still in the wrong place, ma’am. You need to go downstairs.”

    Customer: *scowling and glaring* “You’re much less polite than the other two boys!”

    Stupidity That Makes You Go Wow

    | Henderson, NV, USA | Funny Names, Technology, Uncategorized

    Customer: “I wanted to know about SEO. What’s that?”

    Me: “SEO is Search Engine Optimization. In a nutshell, I can help you to get noticed by search engines.”

    Customer: “So, you’re SEO are you? I want to meet him.”

    Me: “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

    Customer: “SEO is the name of a friend of mine in World of Warcraft. Are you him? Hey! How are you? I didn’t know you did web sites!”

    Fauxxx Pas

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, do you have coitus?”

    Me: *pause* “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Coitus! Do you have coitus?!”

    Me: “Alright, sir, I really hope I’m understanding you wrong, so I need you to say what you want a bit slower.”

    (He thinks for a long time, then slowly says the word, drawing out every letter.)

    Customer: “Curtains?”

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