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  • Raise A Broken Glass To That Employee
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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Male To Female Adapter

    | Dublin, GA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi what can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Um…. I need some… *whispers* tampons?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Some tampons please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I think you have the wrong store.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t. My husband told me to come here and get them!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We don’t sell those here.”

    Customer: “But you have to. He said he got some here last week.”

    (I realize she probably means tapcons, which are masonry screws.)

    Me: “Do you mean tapcons?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that could be it. I don’t know why he told me to get tampons. That doesn’t make any sense.”

    Love Isn’t As Priceless As It Used To Be

    | Little Rock, AR, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work in a toy store where customers can custom build their own stuffed animals. A father and young daughter approach.)

    Me: “Welcome to [toy store], have you picked out an animal to be stuffed today?”

    Little girl: “Yes!”

    (We proceed to stuff the bear and the little girl grabs one of the ‘push to talk’ buttons and hands it to me.)

    Me: “Okay, you want to get the I love you button put in today?”

    Father: “Hold on a second. Baby, what’s this thing?”

    Little girl: “He puts it in the bear for me and when you push it, it says I love you!

    Father: “How much does this thing cost?”

    Me: “Five dollars, sir.”

    Father: “S***! For five dollars, baby, I’ll tell you I love you! Go put that thing back.”

    Microbrain

    | New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    Caller: “This f***ing computer won’t work!”

    Me: “Can you describe the problem?”

    Caller: “Whenever I click on something, this stupid little hourglass won’t go away!”

    Me: “Are you sure it’s not frozen?”

    Caller: “You think this is some kind of joke! I don’t leave my computer in the snow!”

    (I try to explain several times what the term ‘frozen’ means.)

    Caller: “So, how do I heat it up? Never mind! Why do I even call you people? I’ll just stick it in the microwave to heat it up. Thanks for nothing!” *hangs up*

    The Wisdom To Know The Difference

    , | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

    (I’m with my wife at a well known fast food place, and they employ a young man with special needs who we both know and are very friendly with. An angry customer accosts him at the register.)

    Customer: “S***, they’re taking so f***ing long with my food!”

    Employee: “Just a sec, sir…”

    Customer: “You’d better!”

    (Not three minutes later, the employee comes with the customer’s food.)

    Employee: “Here you go, sir.”

    Customer: “Where’s the f***ing ranch?”

    Employee: “Right away, sir!”

    Customer: “No, forget it! You’ll probably slobber all over it!”

    Wife: “Excuse me, sir, but this young man is doing his job. He’s not doing anything to hurt you, so how about you shut the f*** up!”

    Customer: “F*** you, fat a**!”

    Employee: “She’s a nice lady! There’s a baby inside her, and she’s not fat!”

    Customer: “F*** you!” *storms out, upsetting some chairs*

    Wife, to the employee: “People are so mean to you, honey. I’m so sorry, I can’t believe he said that to you, that a**hole!”

    Employee: *grinning* “Don’t worry about it, Jesus and my mama still love me!” *walks away, the happiest man on earth*

    Jurassic Lark

    | Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, but are all of these things real?”

    Me: “Sorry, are you talking about the artifacts on my cart? Some of these are replicas, because the real things are too breakable to touch.”

    Customer: “No, I mean the exhibit.” *points to the dinosaur exhibit*

    Me: “Dinosaurs did exist millions of years ago beginning in the Triassic Period, but about 65 million years ago the dinosaurs went extinct.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I thought the museum was making it up to attract visitors.”

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