Wave Of The Future

| Perth, Australia | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, your order comes to $***.”

Customer: “Is it okay if I pay on my credit card even though it’s under $10?”

Me: “Sure. May I please have your card?”

Customer: “Oh, do I actually have to swipe it? Your machines inside don’t need swiping. I just wave my card in my purse and it works.”

Me: “None of our machines do that, sorry.”

Customer: “I just hold up my purse and wave it around and it works!” *she begins waving purse, at least half a metre from the Eftpos machine*

Me: “No, ma’am. It won’t, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Oh alright, here’s my card. You really should fix your machines, you know!”

At Least It’s Hands-Free Now

| Oslo, Norway | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

Caller: “My phone isn’t working.”

Me: “No problem. I can help you with that.”

Caller: “Good. I hate these things.”

Me: “Sir, can you locate the power button on the top of your mobile, hold it in for 10 seconds, and then release?”

(The customer is quiet, and then I hear a crash.)

Me: “What happened?”

Caller: “I did what you told me to do. Hold the button for 10 seconds and then release the phone.”

Me: “No, I meant release the button, not the whole phone.”

Caller: “Well, if it wasn’t broken earlier, it sure is now!”

Like Two Beans In A Pod

| Bellevue, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [coffee shop], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi, is this the one on Main Street in downtown?”

Me: “We’re actually part of a shopping center that is on the corner of Main Street but we’re several miles from downtown.”

Caller: “Oh, well what’s the one on Main Street?”

Me: “I don’t believe there is a [coffee shop] on Main Street downtown, Ma’am.”

Caller: “Yes, yes there is, I know there’s one on Main Street! How do I get there?”

Me: “There is a [other leading coffee chain] on Main Street downtown. Is that what you mean?”

Caller: “Yes! Can you call them for me? What’s their address?”

Me: “I don’t know, Ma’am. We’re separate companies.”

Caller: “But you both serve coffee! Doesn’t that make you the same?”

Literally Going Nowhere

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “It’s this stupid GPS watch that I bought. What a big waste of money!  It doesn’t even work.”

Me: “What’s the problem with it?”

Customer: “It shows the time, but not now how far I ran. I was running on the treadmill for over 30 minutes!”

A Pressing Issue

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

(The customer has a standard flip phone that she wants to program.)

Me: “Ok, let’s try the automated system first, and if that doesn’t work, we will do it manually. Please dial *228, press send, and when the automated voice comes on, press 1.”

(In the background, I can hear the customer dialing, and the voice coming on. No response from the customer.)

Me: “Just press the button on your keypad that has the number ‘1’ on it, then some music will start.”

Customer: “Ok, now, how do I press ‘1’?”

Me: “Just press the button marked ‘1’”.”

Customer: “No! I know there’s a button marked ‘1’. What I’m asking is how do I press it?”

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