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    Welcome To Glorious Nation Of North Americastan

    | British Columbia, Canada |

    Customer:“Do you sell any other calling cards here?”

    Salesperson: “No, just the ones on that rack. Sorry.”

    Customer: “I need to call the States and I don’t want to get charged for long distance! I need a card that can call from Canada to the US!”

    Salesperson: “Those calling cards can call to the US.”

    Customer: “But it says they only work in North America!”

    On The Bright Side, She Never Gets Brain Freezes

    | Sterling, VA |

    (The lunch rush has just come and gone, and now the early release seniors from the local high school are trickling in.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to ***.”

    Blonde customer: “Mmm… I think I’ll try the Mahalo Mango today.”

    Redhead customer: “Oooh. I heard mangoes are kinda bitter.”

    Blonde customer: “Ew… like, can I get that without mango then?”

    Me: “Would you rather the Power Pineapple? It’s the same smoothie, just pineapple instead of mango.”

    Blonde customer: “No, I want to try something new… so, yeah. Mahalo Mango without the mango.”

    Me: “Okay… what would you like instead of the mango?”

    Blonde customer: “Um… can I get pineapple?”

    As Easy As 1, 3, 2

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Hi. I ordered a movie awhile back and I was wondering if it’s in yet.”

    Me: *checking the order history* “Unfortunately is hasn’t arrived yet. We’re still waiting on the distributor to send it to us.”

    Customer: “Oh, well how long is it going to take? ¬†I’ve been waiting for three months.”

    Me: “Actually my records indicate that you ordered the movie in October.”

    Customer: “Exactly. October, September, November. Three months!”

    They Might Want A See A Doctor About That

    | Adelaide, Australia |

    Elderly Female Customer: “Hello I’m lookin for DVDs by Andre Rieu. Can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure… we have Andre just here on this end rack, then we have him in this stand as well. And we also have a huge section of him in our Easy Listening section, but if head that way, give me a yell and I’ll help you out.”

    Elderly Female Customer: “My, you have a lot of him, don’t you?”

    Me: “Yes, he’s rather popular at the moment. Are you going to his tour?”

    Elderly Female Customer: “Yes, I got my ticket first. Most of my friends like him as well. Well, except for two… but they don’t have souls.”

    Me: “…”

    Bad News On Laundry Day

    | Magnolia, TX, USA |

    (A creepy, smelly old man with dirty clothes and a scraggly beard walks into the bank.)

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to **** Bank, how are you today?”

    Customer: *stares, saying nothing*

    Me: “How may I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “I need to take $150 in quarters from my checking account.”

    Me: “Ok, I can do that for you, no problem.” *taking out a withdrawal slip* “If you can just fill this out for me, I–”

    Customer: “I can’t do that.” *pushes slip across the counter*

    Me: “…pardon?”

    Customer: “I said, I can’t do that. Do it for me.”

    Me: “Sir, unfortunately I cannot do that, for security purposes.”

    Customer: “Why can’t you?”

    Me: “It’s to protect your identity.”

    Customer: “My what? Just fill out the damn slip for me!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m really sorry, but you have to fill out the withdrawal slip. At the very least, I need you to put your name down.”

    Customer: “I can’t do that.”

    Me: “If you pardon my asking sir, why not?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to.”

    Me: “I’m…sorry sir, but–”

    Customer: “What kind of bank makes people do things?!” *storms out*

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