November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

SIN Number

| Glasgow, UK | Religion, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Good evening, you’re through to [name]. How can I help?”

Caller: “There’s something wrong with the PIN for my set top box.”

Me: “Oh, have you forgotten it?”

Caller: “No, I know it, I just don’t like it.”

Me: “So, you want to change it? You can do that from the box itself.”

Caller: “Oh no! I can’t, I won’t! It is an evil number! It is your sworn duty to change it for me!”

Me: “Okay. I can do that for you, no problem. So your current PIN is ‘0666’?”

Caller: “Yes! Why did you let the Devil change it? I haven’t been able to play back my recordings because typing that will taint my enjoyment of them!”

Me: “We didn’t, it’s based on the last 4 digits of your viewing card, it’s a random number.”

Caller: “You should really put something in place to stop evil forces from controlling your random numbers like that. It’s insensitive and careless!”

Remote Chance Of A Refund

| Missoula, MT, USA | Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I would like to return this TV.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem with it?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work right.”

Me: “Okay, I will just have to take a look at it. May I see your receipt?”

Customer: “You can’t look at the TV. It doesn’t work, that’s all! You need to know give me my money and send it back!”

Me: “Sir, it is store policy. I have to look at the returned item before I can give you your refund.”

(The customer stays silent. We open box to find a remote actually stuck into the TV screen.)

Customer: “So, am I not gonna get that refund now?”

Taking Their Sweet Time

| Tacoma, WA, USA | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Top

Customer: “I’m looking for a book called Like Watery Chocolate For Chocolately Water or something.”

Me:Like Water For Chocolate by Laura Esquivel?”

Customer: “Um…no…it’s by this Mexican author.”

Me: “Yes, Laura Esquivel. The book is Like Water For Chocolate.”

Customer: “No, it has all these recipes in it.”

Me: “Yes. Like Water For Chocolate by Laura Esquivel.’

Customer: “No it has like this blue cover.”

Me: “Yes. Like Water For Chocolate by Laura Esquivel. I can take you right to it, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, that’s not it! They’re making a movie out of it!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The book is Like Water For Chocolate.”

Customer: “No! Oh, you’re just no help at all!” *stomps off*

Never Send A Man…Period

| Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(A male customer is in the feminine hygiene aisle and has requested to speak to a female employee.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you with something?”

Customer: *obviously embarrassed* “I need some ‘female products’.”

Me: “Okay, you’re in the right place. This is all our selection.”

Customer: “Really?” *points to the pads* “I don’t think these will work. They all look so small.”

Me: “Well, most women prefer that. But if you want something different, the tampons are right here as well.”

Customer: “Oh, gross. No, I would rather these but bigger, so they’ll work.”

Me: “This is really all we have.”

Customer: “Hmm, what about some diapers or something like that? Do you have those?”

Me: “What? Do you mean baby diapers? Sir, I really don’t think that’s what you want.”

Customer: “You’re right, they probably cost twice as much anyways. I think I’m going to tell my wife to come in after work and figure this out herself.”

Me: “I think that’s a very good idea, sir.”

Finally Gets The Joint

| Portland, OR, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Uncategorized

(A customer enters the shop and smells strongly of marijuana.)

Customer: “Can I get a pack of cigarette papers?”

Me: “Sure. Do you need any loose cigarette tobacco?”

Customer: “Why would I want that?”

Me: “For the cigarette papers.”

Customer: “What? You can make cigarettes with them?!”