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    If Nincompoop, Then Infinite Loop, Part 2

    | Nashville, TN, USA |

    Customer: “I need to fill up my truck.”

    Me: “Alright, how much gas would you like?”

    Customer: “Enough to fill up my truck.”

    Me: “Sir, I need to know how much gas you’d like to buy.”

    Customer: “Why is this so hard? You tell me how much gas I need, and I give you the money!”

    Me: “Each vehicle’s different, sir. How am I supposed to know how much it’ll take to fill up your particular vehicle?”

    Customer: “Look at your book!”

    Me: “…my book?”

    Customer: “Yes, the book! Look up my truck and tell me how much gas to get!”

    (My assistant manager comes over to see what all the fuss is about.)

    Assistant manager: “How about you give us $20 for the gas? If you need more, you can come back, and if it’s too much, we’ll refund you.”

    Customer: “Aw, forget it. I’ll just circle around the pumps.”

    (…which is what he did for several minutes before driving off.)

    If Nincompoop, Then Infinite Loop

    Signs It’s Time To Leave The Nest

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (A woman walked up to my co-worker in a panic.)

    Woman: “Have you seen my son? Did someone take my son?!”

    Co-worker: “I’m not sure. How old is he?”

    Woman: *still panicked* “20!”

    Where There’s A Pill, There’s A Way

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    (A customer comes in with a prescription for a narcotic pain reliever. He says that he was at the hospital with his wife and the hospital stole his pills, which is why he needs to get this prescription filled, even though his last prescription was just filled a few days ago.)

    Me: “OK, sir, I talked to your doctor and he says I can fill your prescription.”

    Customer: “Great, can I wait? I have no pills left and I really need it.”

    Me: “It’ll be about 10 minutes.”

    (10 minutes later.)

    Me: “OK sir, your prescription is ready.”

    Customer: “Hey, are those pills the same as this?” *holds up pill*

    Me: “I thought you didn’t have any pills left, sir.”

    Customer: “Well…I bought this off the street, to be honest with you.”

    Me: “Oh…good.”

    Customer Service: Once Bitten, Twice Shy

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, can I get my dogs nails clipped?”

    Me: “Yes, have you been here before?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “OK.” *pulling up info* “It looks like your dog’s rabies certificate expired last month.”

    Customer: “I have the papers at home. I’ll bring it in next time.”

    Me: “Sorry sir, we need the current rabies certificate to do nails.”

    Customer: “So you don’t want to do them?”

    Me: “I can’t do them, sir. It’s our policy.”

    Customer: “I thought that was just for grooming.”

    Me: “No sir, it’s for all services. I can’t–”

    Customer: “Fine, I’m never coming back again!” *storms out*

    Always Right, Especially When It’s Mom

    , | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    Coworker: “Guys! There’s a car pulled in backwards in the drive-thru. They’re backwards!”

    Backwards customer: “Hi, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milk shake.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry. We don’t have those items. Is there something else I can get you?”

    Backwards customer: “No, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milk shake!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, do you realize you’re at [Mexican fast food restaurant]? Would you like a taco?”

    Backwards customer: “Okay, okay, we’re kidding! Alice, this is your mom and Aunt Marie!”

    (I happen to be Alice. Family are the worst customers!)

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