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    Out Of Tune With The Conversation

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem

    (I’ve worked at this camp on and off for a few years, and a lot of the kids remember me from previous years.)

    Kid #1: “Why weren’t you here last year?”

    Me: “This camp and band camp were at the same time, so I chose to go to band camp since it was the last time I’d be with my friends.”

    Kid #1: “That’s so cool! What do you play?”

    Me: “Clarinet in band, but I also play piano.”

    Kid #1: “I play piano too!”

    (We continue talking about different instruments we play when another girl joins in.)

    Kid #2: “I play an instrument, too.”

    Me: “Really? Do you play piano too, or something?”

    Kid #2: “Well, I listen to Taylor Swift. Does that count?”

    A Heated Topic, Part 2

    | Kinnelon, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (A woman and her two younger children go in to see a kid-friendly movie. Ten minutes later she comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but there is a preview on right now with a man on fire!”

    Me: “A man on fire? Okay, that shouldn’t be the right preview.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. I have kids in there!”

    (I check the theater.)

    Me: “Ma’am, this is a preview for Fantastic Four. The man on fire is a super hero. His special ability is that he can turn into a fireball and fly around.”

    Customer: “I don’t care who it is, he shouldn’t be on fire!”

    Related:
    A Heated Topic

    Bean There, Done That

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I just came from Mexico. I had some good beans there. What were they? Ah, yes! Frijoles!”

    Me: “Sir, frijoles is just the word for beans in Spanish.”

    Customer: “No! I had special beans in Mexico and they were called frijoles! Get me frijoles!”

    Me: “Sir, we only have refried beans at this deli. These are frijoles. Would you like these, or something else?”

    Customer: “Frijoles! How is this so difficult to understand?”

    Me: “Sir, frijoles are beans…in Spanish.”

    Customer: “Then get me beans in Spanish!”

    Give Them A Dress And They’ll Want A Yard

    | Ellensburg, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    (I sell a dress to a lady and she leaves. As I am coming back from hanging a sign, she returns to the yard sale.)

    Customer: “I want to return this dress.”

    Me: “This is a yard sale. I don’t take returns.”

    Customer: “You don’t have a sign up. You should have a sign that says no returns.”

    Me: “I don’t need one. This is a yard sale.”

    Customer: *getting angry* “I want to return the dress. I don’t want it anymore!”

    Me:  “This is a yard sale. I am not a store, so I do not take returns.”

    Customer: “That’s dishonest I’m calling 911!”

    (The customer dials 911 on her cell phone and I hear her talking to the dispatcher.)

    Customer: “Hello! I’m at a yard sale and they won’t take back my dress!”

    Short Cake, Tall Order

    | Southlake, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Religion, Top

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a cake made. Can you make a cake in about 20 minutes?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, we have no available decorators at this time. I can certainly take an order for tomorrow morning, however.”

    Customer: “No! That’s unacceptable! I refuse to be treated differently just because I’m Jewish!”

    Me: “I’m also a Jew, but the issue is that I don’t have the proper training to make a cake for you at this time. I can place an order for you, but can do little more than that.”

    Customer: “No, forget it. I refuse to be discriminated like this! I’m leaving!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, and happy Hanukkah!”

    Customer: “What the h*** is Hanukkah?!”

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