November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

A Mammoth Mistake

| Alaska, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(The gift shop I work in has many ivory jewelry and sculpture pieces. The ivory is from woolly mammoths that used to roam Alaska.)

Customer: “Where does the woolly mammoth ivory come from?”

Me: “The tusks are collected on the northern tundra by Alaskan Natives. The Natives carve the ivory and then sell it to us.”

Customer: “I think it’s so great that people aren’t allowed to hunt the mammoths anymore! I hate hunters!”

Blame A Lack Of Concentration

| Alberta, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to return this orange juice.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It’s brown.”

Me: “Oh, wow. When did you purchase it?”

Customer: “The 19th of this month.” *hands me her receipt*

Me: “Miss, this receipt says you purchased this orange juice on the 19th of last year. You bought this 367 days ago.”

Customer: “Yes, and it’s gone brown. I’d like a refund.”

Me: “Did it not occur to you that orange juice would expire over the course of the year?”

Customer: “I thought if I waited until the 19th of the month again, it would be okay.”

In George We Trust

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I’ve just finished a transaction with a customer who only spoke Spanish, and am speaking to my coworker who translated for me.)

Me: *to coworker* “I really should learn Spanish. So many customers come in and that’s all they speak.”

Customer: “No, you shouldn’t.”

Me: “It really would help. I have to get someone to translate every time I have a Spanish-speaking customer.”

Customer: “But you aren’t in Mexico! You are in America!”

Me: “Well, sir, America is a melting pot of all kinds of cultures and languages.”

Customer: “But if you come to another country, you should learn the language they invented! George Washington invented English, and that’s what everyone in America should speak!”

It Also Adds Money This Way

| Michigan, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

Me: “Will this be credit or debit?”

Customer: “Credit.”

(I notice she has the card facing the wrong way.)

Me: “Alright, you just need to turn the card around.”

Customer: “Does that make it run as credit, then?”

The Problem With Dirty Words

| Texas, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

Me: “How can I help you?”

Caller: “Is this a joke?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Caller: “Your company just did some landscaping for us and the dirt that you put in is dirty.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “The dirt is dirty.”

Me: “Is there trash or rocks in the dirt?”

Caller: “No, the dirt is just really dirty.”

Me: “So you want us to come out and replace the dirty dirt with clean dirt?”

Caller: “Yes, and I need it done as soon as possible. I don’t want it to make the rest of my dirt dirty too.”