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    Cheapskates: FAIL

    | New Brunswick, Canada |

    Customer: “Hey, can I get these rolls at a discount?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry sir, it’s only 6:00. We don’t discount the bags until right before close.”

    Customer: “Well, the girl last night let me do it!”

    Me: “Sir, I was working last night, and no, I did not.”

    Customer: “Alright, it was the night before! That girl!”

    Me: “Richard?”

    Customer: *slinks away*

    Related:
    Guilt Trip: FAIL
    Impersonating Your Boss: FAIL

    Daddy’s Little Grown-Up And Not-So-Bright Girl

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    Customer: “I’m lost. Can I use your phone?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, our phones don’t call outside the park.”

    Customer: “Can’t you call somebody to help me? I’m lost and I can’t find my daddy.”

    Me: “Sure. How old are you?”

    Customer: “19.”

    Me: “… I’m afraid our security only helps lost children.”

    Customer: “But I AM lost.”

    Me: “Well, do you know his cell number?”

    Customer: “Yeah.” *pulls out cellphone*

    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 4

    | Capitol Region, NY, USA |

    Customer: “What time do you guys close?”

    Me: “Nine.”

    Customer: “… o’clock?”

    Me: “No… feet. Nine feet.”

    Related:
    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 3
    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 2
    Ask A Stupid Question
    Today, All My Questions Shall Be Stupid

    On The Need For Hazard Pay

    | Washington, D.C., USA |

    (A customer walks into the video rental store, clearly confused.)

    Customer: “Where can I rent some condoms?”

    Me: “… try the grocery store. We rent movies only.”

    Customer: “But, don’t you guys… umm… cater to that kind of customer?”

    Me: “Not my job to know, sir. Personally, I would never sell them here, let alone rent them.”

    Customer: “That’s because you’re a stupid Catholic who’s not going to get laid until you are married! F*** YOU AND YOUR F***ING MORALS!”

    Me: “I am going to have to ask you to leave, sir. Your behavior is unacceptable in this store.”

    (The customer suddenly grabs the fliers on the counter for the upcoming movies, throws them everywhere and then sprints out.)

    Paging Leonidas To The Front Desk

    | New York, NY, USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    Customer: “Look! My friend told me I could get this type of hammer at your store! Now go get it for me!”

    Cashier: “Sir, I already told you… we don’t have ANY hammers back here that aren’t already stocked on the shelves.”

    Customer: “LOOK HERE. F**K YOU! I KNOW YOU’RE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BY SWITCHING OUT YOUR STOCKS! GET ME THIS HAMMER!”

    (At this point, I come to the front of the store, overhearing what’s going on; note that I’m the manager.)

    Me: “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yes sir! Your employee here is not doing what I tell her to!”

    Me: “Well, you need to calm down and understand that we don’t have what you’re looking for. So maybe you should go back to shelves and check–”

    Customer: “F**K THAT!!! IT’S NOT THERE, OKAY?! YOU NEED TO F**KING GET ME WHAT I ASK FOR!”

    Me: “That’s it. Get out of my store.”

    Customer: “What? NO!”

    Me: “Sir, get out, or I have to take you out.”

    Customer: “Then do it!”

    (I go around the counter and approach the customer. I yank him by his collar & drag him to the door.)

    Me: “Now, then… you wanna apologize and maybe come back in?”

    Customer: “No! I just want my hammer! God, what is this madness?!”

    Me: *puts the customer down*

    Customer: *confused* “… What is it?”

    (I turn back to the cashier, who nods in approval. I then turn back to face the customer.)

    Me: “Madness? THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAA!” *kicks customer out of store and slams door*

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