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    Salvation Vs. Business Savvy

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a metal business card case.”

    Me: “Well, we really only carry leather here – would you like me to show them to you?”

    Customer: “No, it needs to be metal. Where can I get one?”

    Me: “Well, I know of a place in the mall, but they market them as cigarette cases. If you just ask the man at the counter for one, he can–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “I ain’t buying no cigarette case, I ain’t no smoker.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you they’re not used or anything, it’s just that the original concept came from cigarette cases, and people adapted them into wallets.”

    Customer: “Well, I ain’t buyin no cigarette case, so you best tell me where I can get a business card case.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s the only place I know of. They’re the exact same product: a metal case with two prongs on the inside for–”

    Customer: “I ain’t no heathen woman, and I ain’t gonna carry around no wicked cigarette box while I’m at church! Do you expect me to?!”

    Me: “No ma’am, I just don’t think you’ll find one at that store if you’re asking for a business card case.”

    Customer: “No, you WON’T!” *storms out*

    Me: “…what?”

    He’s Dying – But He Looks Fabulous!

    | Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Top

    Customer: *calling on the phone* “Hello, I’d like to make an appointment with the groomer. My dog won’t get up and walk around, and every time I touch his leg, he whimpers. I think it may be broken.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I don’t think the groomer is the best place to take an animal with a broken leg. Your best bet would be to call a vet, and have them look at the animal.”

    Customer: “Vets are expensive. A groomer deals with animals as well – shouldn’t they know everything a vet does?”

    Me: “Ma’am, bringing a dog with a broken leg to a groomer is like bringing a kid with a broken leg to a hairdresser. I think a vet would be a much better choice.”

    Customer: “Well, I NEVER! That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

    Me: “I wont lie to you; that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever had to say. You have a nice day.” *hangs up*

    Why You Never, Ever Share Toothbrushes

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    Customer: “I need to return this toothbrush.”

    Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

    Customer: “No – I thought it would work.”

    Me: “How did it not work?”

    Customer: “Well, it said it had indicator bristles, and when I peed on them they didn’t change color! How is it supposed to indicate if I’m pregnant or not?!”

    Me: “Ma’am…they’re to indicate whether the toothbrush needs replacing, not whether you’re pregnant.”

    Customer: *looks sheepish and leaves*

    Me: *to manager* “I’m going on break now…”

    Customer Of The Week: Good Help

    | Terrace, British Columbia, Canada | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week:  Good Help
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story

    Minimally Criminal

    | New Zealand |

    Me: “Good Afternoon, Civil Department.”

    Caller: “Hi, I’d like to know what happened in my son’s case today”.

    Me: “I can’t tell you any details, but I can tell you if they have finished. Can you give me the case number?”

    Caller: “Oh, I don’t have one.”

    Me: “Are you sure this is a civil case and not criminal?”

    Caller: “Definitely Civil. Not Criminal! My son’s not a criminal!”

    Me: “Okay, could I get a last name to see if I can find it that way?”

    Caller: “The name is *****.”

    Me: “Okay, that name isn’t showing up at all. Are you sure its not a Criminal case?”

    Caller: “MY SON IS NOT A CRIMINAL! How dare you suggest it, you b**ch!”

    Me: “Okay… can you tell me what the case was about?”

    Caller: “Oh, kidnapping and assault.”

    Me: *transfers to Criminal*

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