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    Ah, Fathers, Part 3

    | Calgary, Alberta, Canada |

    (I worked at a store that cashes peoples personal cheques. A young, 17ish boy approaches me.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to cash this cheque, please.” *hands over information*

    Me: “Okay, everything looks good. Can I have the cheque, please?”

    Customer: “Sure.”

    (I scan the cheque through and an account pops up. It had been used before only two hours previous at another one of our stores not far from my location.)

    Me: “Just give me a moment. I need to go to the back to verify your cheque, and I’ll be back with your money.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (I go to the back of the store and call the number on the cheque. An older gentleman who I believe to be the customer’s father answers the phone.)

    Customer’s father: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, sir. I believe your son is here with a cheque that you gave him and that he is wanting it to be cashed. I just wanted to make sure this was correct as we have cashed one already today for the same amount.”

    Customer’s father: *calmly* “What’s your address?”

    Me: “It’s **** Macleod Trail SW.”

    Customer’s father: “I’ll be down there in a few minutes. I don’t live far… just don’t let my son leave.”

    (I head back to the front to talk to the young customer.)

    Me: “Hey, sorry this is taking so long…”

    Customer: *explodes* “WHATEVER! You’re taking forever! This is my dad’s g**d**n cheque and it’s good! Why are you taking so long?! He has lots of money and he gave this to me to cash so that I could have the money!” *rants*

    (As he is ranting, a large man about the size of Vin Diesel comes in the store. The look on his face is sheer anger. He just stands there in the lobby as his son reams me out.)

    Me, to customer: “Why don’t you ask your father?”

    Customer’s father: “YOU LITTLE B**TARD!”

    (I have never seen a boy try to run so fast out the door in my life. He only makes it to the parking lot outside the store before his father nabs him. Let’s just say his buttocks learned the value of a dollar.)

    Related:
    Ah, Fathers, Part 2
    Ah, Fathers

    Someone’s Not Getting Any Tonight, Part 2

    | Heber Springs, AR |

    Lady: ¬†”Hey, we’ve heard that there might be some kind of oil something on this boat…”

    Me: ¬†”Sure, let me check.” *checks*¬†”Come and look–your oil reservoir is almost completely empty. You should fill it immediately, and it will cost about $*.**.”

    Lady: ¬†”Oh, that’s a lot. How far will that get us?”

    Me: ¬†”All the way to the middle of the lake.”

    Lady’s husband: *laughs hysterically*

    Related:
    Someone’s Not Getting Any Tonight

    Canada, America’s Baseball Cap

    | Victoria, British Columbia, Canada |

    (A young couple with an almost stereotypical southern accent enters the shop, browses around, and pick up some things, then go to the cash desk.)

    Me: “Is that everything for you today?”

    Woman: “We’re on our honeymoon…”

    Me: “Okay… will you be paying with cash, debit, or credit?”

    (The man throws some money on the counter, saying nothing.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t take American money.”

    Man:“WHY ¬†THE &@^# NOT? AMERICA IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!”

    Me: “Well, that might be the case, but this isn’t America.”

    Woman: “What?”

    Me: “This isn’t America. It’s Canada.”

    Woman: “But that’s part of America, right?”

    Me: “No.”

    Man: “Oh, I get it. It must be Canada day. That’s when they pretend to be independent.”

    Me: “Sir, we ARE independent. It’s a separate country. Different money, different government, different accents.”

    Man: *winks to his wife* “Right…”

    Welcome To ArkMart, My Name Is Noah

    | Nashville, TN, USA |

    (I work in the gift shop. Our zoo has an alligator exhibit consisting of 15 three- to four-foot long juvenile alligators.)

    Customer: “I was wondering if you guys sell alligators here.”

    Me: “Yeah, we have stuffed ones over here, and we have some PVC ones over here.”

    Customer: “No, like, I wanted to buy one of the alligators.”

    Me: “Like… out of the exhibit?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Oh… well, no.”

    Let’s Try Something Simpler, Like Boiling Water

    , | Redding, CA, USA |

    (A woman comes into the store just before closing, and asks where our muffin pans are.)

    Me: “Right this way…”

    Customer: “So how do you make muffins?”

    Me: “Well… I guess you’d just have to buy a box of muffin mix and read the directions.”

    Customer: “Well, what do you usually put IN muffins?”

    Me: There’s the mix, then the eggs, then the milk, or possibly water….”

    Customer: “What do I do with all of that?”

    Me: “Normally, you would mix the ingredients and put them in the muffin pan.”

    Customer: “So I just pour them in the pan?”

    Me: “You can… but most people put the batter in paper muffin cups.”

    Customer: “So do I put the paper cups in before or after the batter?”

    Me: “…”


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