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    Paint Strokes Of Genius

    | Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

    (We have a small version of the Mona Lisa for sale.)

    Customer: “How much is that?”

    Me: “15 dollars.”

    Customer: “Is it the original?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Oh. I’m trying to get my hands on the original.”

    Ron Service Isn’t Available

    | Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Can I help you sir?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I’m calling for a person. He is in room 159F.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have a room with that number.”

    Caller: “Are you sure? He is an old friend and said he was staying at this hotel.”

    Me: “Yes sir, I am sure we don’t have that room. But if you give me his name, I can see if we have a guest with that name.”

    Caller: “Ron.”

    Me: “Last name?”

    Caller: “I don’t know. He’s from Canada.”

    Me: “Sorry sir, I need more to go on than that.”

    Caller: “Can’t you just call every room and ask for a Ron from Canada?”

    Me: “No sir. No I can’t.”

    Caller: “It’s okay, I’ll hold.”

    The Point Of No Return

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “You charged my credit card forty five dollars. Can I get a refund?”

    (I pull up his account.)

    Me: “Okay. I see that you rented two movies that were never returned and you were charged the sale price of the movies.”

    Customer: “Well, I was on vacation and I forgot to return them on time.”

    Me:“Let me go check the shelves for them; it’s possible that they didn’t get checked in properly. If I find them I can put a credit on your account that you can use whenever you’re in the store next.”

    Customer: “I didn’t return them.”

    (It’s been over two months since the movies were originally due.)

    Me:“You didn’t return them?”

    Customer: “Nope.”

    Me:“Sir, you would like me to pay you for renting movies and never bringing them back?”

    Customer: “Uh huh.”

    Me: “I’m not going to do that.”

    Customer: “Okay…I just thought I’d ask.”

    Naturally Stupid

    | Minnesota, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Front desk, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “There’s a noise outside and it’s keeping me awake.”

    Me: “What does it sound like ma’am?”

    Customer: “Squeaky toys or something. Do you allow dogs here?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do, but they’re all on the first floor. Let me see if we anyone is out back and I’ll call you right back to let you know what I find out.”

    (I go and check out back and there isn’t anyone out there. However, the sound of the early spring frogs is deafening. I call her back.)

    Me: “Ma’am, those are frogs.”

    Customer: “Well, can you turn them off?”

    Me: “No ma’am, they’re frogs.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t come here for your nature sounds. I’m only staying here because I need a place to sleep. I refuse to pay for the sound of frogs.”

    Me: “Well, the nature sounds are complimentary.”

    Customer: “Oh, well…goodnight, then.”

    The Twelve (Billion) Days Of Christmas

    | Australia | Uncategorized

    (Note: this takes place Christmas Eve.)

    Customer: “What’s this about you guys closing tomorrow?”

    Me: “Yes, we are closed for Christmas day so we can have time with our families.”

    Customer: “But if you’re closed, then what am I supposed to feed my family with!? You guys are supposed to be open all the time!”

    Me: “But what about our families? Can’t we spend time with them?”

    Customer: “No, because you’re supposed to be here working and serving us food!”

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