Why Can’t We All Just Get Oolong

| Rancho Cucamonga, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “What is the difference between chai tea and Tai Chi?”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, one is a spiced black tea, and the other is a can of whoop-a**.”

Customer: “I think I’ll have the black tea.”

Noah’s Nondescript Ark

| San Diego, CA, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “So, uh, on this tour, will I, uh, feed the…uh…tall things, and uh, the not as tall…things?”

Me: “You mean the giraffes…and rhinos?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it! It’s like you’re reading my mind!”

(Not One Of) History’s Mysteries

| Chicago, IL, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, History, Top

(I am helping a little boy find a children’s book on Native American history for a book report.)

Me: “I think this one will come in handy. It’s all about the different Native American tribes and traditions. It even includes a large map showing where the Native American tribes lived.”

Little Boy: “Thank you!”

(He walks away with his book and an adult customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Why did you do that?”

Me: “Do what?”

Customer: “Tell him those are real.”

Me: “Native Americans?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Because they are real.”

Customer: “No! They only exist in movies with cowboys!”

Me: “I can assure you that Native Americans exist.”

Customer: *mocking* “I suppose you believe cowboys really existed, too?”

Flipping Through The Atlas

| San Jose, CA, USA | Language & Words, Top

(I am Filipino, but people often mistake me for Chinese due to my pale skin. Another Filipino co-worker comes in while I am working with a customer. We exchange greetings in Tagalog, a Filipino language with some Spanish influences.)

Customer: “Say that again. That thing you said to that other guy.”

Me: “Kumusta?”

Customer: “‘Cómo está’. That’s Spanish! What does a Chinese dude need to know Spanish for?”

Me: “Actually, I–”

Customer: “Say something else in Spanish!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t speak Spanish very well.”

Customer: “Come on! Say something!”

Me: “Vamanos?”

Customer: “Wow! Hey, do you speak Chinese?”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

Customer: “Come on now! You must know some Chinese!”

Me: “Uh… I don’t know… ‘Ni hao’?”

Customer: “Now say something in Japanese!”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Japanese!”

Me: “Arigato?”

Customer: “Now do Russian!”

Me: “Vodka?”

It Will Be All Right Angled On The Night

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Home Improvement, Uncategorized

(I had dealt with this customer three hours before this phone call to make an 16×20 frame. I’ve given them a copy of the bill so they can see all the information.)

Customer: “I think the girl who did my order made a mistake! I think she wrote the sizes in backwards.”

Me: “Backwards? Did she write 61×02?”

Customer: “No. Were it says ‘width’ she wrote 20, but the width is 16!

Me: “Did she write 16 as the height ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes! But that means the frame will be longer than wide.”

Me: “The frame looks the same on all sides ma’am. 20×16 and 16×20 are the same size. All they’ll have to do is turn it 90 degrees.”

Customer: “They’re smart enough to do that?”

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