(Jack) Bauer-style Flowers

| New Jersey, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

(I work at a retail greenhouse and we have had a severe rainstorm. Several shingles came crashing through the glass roof. My coworkers and I are waiting in the shed until the boss shows up. We are stopping people from entering the store.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. You can’t go in there.”

Customer: “What? I just need to buy this flat of petunias.”

Me: “I understand, but the roof is shattering in there. It’s not safe.”

Customer: “You can’t stop me from going in. I risked my life driving here to get these petunias. I’m going in.”

(She goes in the store, where glass is still shattering. We can see her through the glass doors waiting at the register. After a minute she comes out furious.)

Customer: “Which one of you is the cashier? Can’t you see I’m waiting to pay?!”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t go back in. The roof is shattering and it is dangerous.”

Customer: “You’re all a bunch of wimps! I risked my life getting here. I need to buy these petunias!”

Hopefully, The Idea Will Stick

| Twin Falls, ID, USA | USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(A customer holds an  open envelope with a prepaid label on it.)

Customer: “I don’t know how to ship it or anything.”

Me: “Well, basically, you’re gonna want to seal it up and give it to me.”

Customer: “How do I seal it up?”

Me: “You peel off this strip here”.

(I point to the peel-off backing of the adhesive strip.)

Customer: “But how do I peel it off?”

Me: “With your fingers?”

Choosing A Flavor Should Be A Piece Of Cake

| Dublin, Ireland | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

*Me: “What can I get you?”
 
Customer: “What flavors do you have?”
 
Me: “They’re right on front of you–twenty flavors. What would you like?”
 
(About five minutes pass.)
 
Customer: “Can I have the Strawberry Cheesecake, but can you remove the cheesecake?”
 
Me: “Sir, I can’t remove the cheesecake. It’s mixed in.”
 
Customer: “Well, I like strawberry, but not cheesecake.”
 
Me: “May I recommend strawberry flavor?”
 
Customer: “Oh, no. The strawberry cheesecake sounds nicer.”

Don’t Make A Rash Purchase

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

Customer: “I need a matte eye-shadow because I’m allergic to shiny.”
 
Me: “Do you know what ingredient you’re allergic to in shiny eyeshadow?”
 
Customer: “Shiny! You know, shiny! I’m very sensitive!”
 
Me: “Well, our matte eye-shadows are here.”
 
(I pull aside the testers for the few matte products we have.)
 
Customer: “Can I try this one?”
 
Me: “Sure!”
 
(I go to get a disposable brush. When I turn around, the customer has her eyes closed and is holding the tester millimeters from her eye. She opens her eyes to see me staring at her holding out a brush.)
 
Customer: “I’m not allergic. I can tell using muscle testing. I’m very sensitive! This is a good one! What other colors do you have?”
 
(She spent the next 20 minutes holding various products ‘testing them’ and announcing everything she was allergic to.)

Needs A Mass Reboot

| Charleston, SC, USA | Religion, Technology, Uncategorized

(A customer walks up to the counter with a desktop and sets it down.)
 
Customer: “Excuse me, are you Catholic?”
 
Me: “No.”
 
Customer: “Well, I think it’s possessed and it needs an exorcism. Do you have any Catholic workers?”
 
Me: “I don’t think so. Maybe I can take a look at it?”
 
Customer: “No! You have to be Catholic!” *takes his desktop and leaves*

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