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    Stupidity That Can Be Seen From Space

    | Salinas, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

    (When taking a call from a customer who has a trash pickup problem I usually pull up an aerial picture to see what the property configuration is.)

    Me: “How may I help you sir?”

    Caller: “I think the garbage truck ran over my cement pad and broke the corner.”

    Me: “You mean the small pad on the north side of the driveway?”

    Caller: *long pause* “Do you memorize everyone’s property?”

    Me: “No, I pulled up your property on my computer and I’m looking at a picture of your front yard.”

    Caller: “Wow! That’s really amazing! Wait, wait, give me a second!”

    (The customer drops the phone and I can hear him calling someone as he leaves the room. About one minute later he gets back on the phone and is slightly out of breath.)

    Caller: “Can you see her now?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand?”

    Caller: “My wife, my wife, she’s out on the front lawn in the white bathrobe and curlers. I can see her waving up at you!”

    A Brief Question

    | Scotland, United Kingdom | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

    (I am working in a lingerie department and a male customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Hi, I need help with something.”

    Me: “Sure what are you looking for?”

    Customer: “I need a bra for my wife.”

    (We go through different types and styles.)

    Me: “So what size is she?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Is she an A,B,C? How big is her back size?”

    Customer: “Well she’s smaller than you, not that you’re not pretty!”

    Me: “Right, okay. Is she the same shape as any of the other girls here?”

    (Finally we find a 32C bra and he wanders off happy. Ten minutes later he comes back up to me, slightly flustered.)

    Customer: “I cant find 32C panties!”

    Chinchilla, I Choose You

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”

    Me: *pause* “A pikachu?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you know. It looks like a hamster and a rabbit put together.”

    Me: “Do you mean a chinchilla?”

    Customer: “Yeah! That’s it!”

    Magic Marker

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, I want a piece of this cheese but the only one you have expires tomorrow.”

    Me: “Sorry, it looks like we’re sold out of that kind. Our truck comes in tomorrow though.”

    Customer: *holding out the piece of cheese* “Well just put more days on it then!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “Just put more days on this piece!”

    Me: “You want me to print a new label with a different expiration date?”

    Customer: “Yeah!”

    Me: “Ma’am, no matter what the label says, the cheese is going to expire tomorrow.”

    Customer: “That’s just stupid!”

    Try Telling That To The Banks

    | Garland, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

    (I am working the returns counter when a couple walks in with a set of weights.)

    Me: “How can we help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, we need to return this. It’s the wrong color.”

    Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes. But we’re going to do an exchange for something cheaper. Is it alright if we get what’s left over on a gift card?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (The couple go shopping and come back. We go through the transaction.)

    Me: “Alright, so $60.00 will be credited back. Do you have the credit card you used?”

    Customer: “But we wanted the extra on a gift card.”

    Me: “Yes, but since theft is a common problem, it’s store policy to check your ID first.  I just need to verify that you have the original card.”

    Customer: “But we want the extra on a gift card.  Do you understand? What’s left over, on a gift card!”

    Me: “Yes, I understand, but I need to see the original card first.”

    Customer: “But I don’t have it. I don’t own that card!”

    Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t do this transaction.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want what’s left over on a gift card, so that my wife can use it!”

    Me: “Yes, but sir, it’s illegal for us to take somebody else’s money without their permission.”

    Customer: “God D*****! Since when do you need permission to get somebody else’s money?”

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