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    Pointless Points

    | Franklin, TN, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: *irate* “Hi, I came in yesterday and ate one of your sandwiches and it tasted awful. I want a refund!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that experience ma’am. Did you say this happened yesterday?”

    Caller: “Yes, it was yesterday.”

    Me: “As in Sunday? You’re sure this happened yesterday?”

    Caller: “Yes. I went through the drive-thru yesterday and got a sandwich that tasted awful!”

    Me: “Yesterday?”

    Caller: “Yes, Sunday, yesterday, what’s the problem?”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am, but we’re closed on Sundays.”

    Caller: “Your point?”

    When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded

    | Petersburg, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Where’s your normal coffee?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “I just want a bag of normal coffee, not flavored.
    Where’s your normal coffee?”

    Me: “Oh, all of the coffees on the left side of the shelf are unflavored.”

    Customer: “No, they’re all flavored.  They all say different flavors, like  ‘Ethiopia’.”

    Me: “No, those aren’t flavors. All the ones with a country name are just normal, black coffees like you want. The country name is where the coffee was grown.”

    Customer: “What! There’s no such country as Ethiopia!”

    Me: “Well, it’s very far away, in Africa.”

    Customer: “If you say so. So the ones with country names aren’t flavored?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “Fine. I’ll take the stuff from France.”

    Me: “Coffee doesn’t grow in France…”

    Customer: “Yeah, that French Vanilla.”

    One Nation, Under God, Period

    | South Dakota, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Do you have anything made in Tennessee?”

    Me: “It’s quite possible.”

    Customer: “Well, what about Illinois?”

    Me: “Maybe.”

    Customer: “What about New Jersey?”

    Me: “I’m not sure…you may find something.”

    Customer: “But your sign says you sell goods from over 50 countries! That’s all of them!”

    Me: “That’s states. It’s 50 countries outside the US.”

    Customer: *baffled look* “Out…side?”

    The Pre-School Preemptive

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, you’ve reached the office of admissions at [Private High School]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I’m looking at schools for my daughter, and I was wondering if you could tell me some of the benefits of your school.”

    (I discuss benefits of being a student at my high school.)

    Caller: “Are you a student here?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “Do you see the programs changing in the next few years?”

    Me: “How many years?”

    Caller: “Well, my daughter is starting preschool in a month.”


    For The Love Of God, Get GPS, Part 2

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Geography

    Caller: “Hi. I’m trying to find you, but seem a bit lost.”

    Me: “That’s no problem. Do you approximately where you are?”

    Caller: “Nova Scotia.”

    Me: “That’s good, but I will need a bit more information. Are you in Halifax or Dartmouth?”

    Caller: “Canada.”

    Me: “Do you know which city you are in?”

    Caller: “Canada.”

    Me: “Canada is the country. Which area of the city are you in. Do you know which road you are on?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Where have you driven from?”

    Caller: “My aunt’s house.”

    Me: “Do you know your aunt’s address?”

    Caller: “She lives in Nova Scotia.”

    Me: “Can you see any signs or landmarks?”

    Caller: “I have some water on my right and some trees on my left.”

    Me: “Any shops or gas stations?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “You will need to keep going straight and call me back as soon as you see a sign or can stop at a gas station or shop and ask for help.”

    Caller: “I thought you were guest services. Why won’t you help me?”

    Me: “I am trying, but need a basic idea where you are.”

    Caller: *shouting* “I’m. In. Canada!”

    For The Love Of God, Get GPS

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