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    This Chicken Has Flown The Coop

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    (Working at the zoo, I hear a lot of strange things from visitors…)

    Me: *feeds chickens*

    Older man: “Oh, you’re a bus stop!”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Older man: “A bus stop! You’re a bus stop, aren’t you?”

    Me: “?”

    Woman: “No, she’s not a bus stop.”

    Older man: “…oh.”

    Me: *completely at a loss*

    America’s Debt Crisis, Explained

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling cardholder service, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “You sent me a bill. Why?”

    Me: “May I please have your card number?”

    Customer: “I threw it away when the balance was gone.”

    Me: “Um… can I have your social security number?”

    Customer: *gives number*

    Me: “I show your current balance is $10,027.31, due on 07/25/2008. Would you like to make a payment today so you do not get a late fee?”

    Customer: “What do you mean? Why did you send me a bill?”

    Me: “Sir, because you purchased those items you are required to repay the account.”

    Customer: “No. You gave me the money, so I spent it.”

    Me: “A credit card is a short term loan. You are required to pay it back.”

    Customer: “No, I’m not!” *click*

    (This is the third call like this in the past month.)

    We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 3

    | Ohio, USA | Awesome Customers

    (The store I work at has a policy where an employee has to check every customer’s receipt on their way out the exit. After checking several receipts, a customer walks up with three items in his cart and starts walking right past me.)

    Me: “Sir, I need to check your receipt.”

    Customer: “I only have three items in my cart.”

    Me: “I know, but it’s store policy. I just need to mark it with –”

    Customer: “It’s because I’m black, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’re only checking my receipt because I’m black! You think because I’m black, I’m a thief!”

    Me: “Sir, I checked the receipts for everybody in front of you, and I’m going to check the receipts for everybody behind you. Now if you’ll let me see your receipt, I just need to mark it. You’re holding everybody up.”

    Customer: “No, I’m not moving until you call your manager! I don’t shop here to be treated like this! You d*** racist!”

    (At this point, a big, imposing customer waiting behind him–who just happens to also be African American–explodes.)

    Big, imposing customer: “GET YOUR A** OUT OF THE WAY NOW!”

    Customer: *hands me receipt*

    Related:
    We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 2
    We Need One Of These In Every Store

    At Least He’s Being Honest

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, where are your graphic novels?”

    Me: “Graphic novel section? If you’ll just follow me, I ca–”

    Customer: “No. Graphic novels.”

    Me: “Graphic novels. Right this way–”

    Customer: “No! Graphic novels!”

    Me: “Graphic novels.”

    Customer: “No… graphic novels!”

    (A moment of silence passes…)

    Customer: “Sorry, I’m feeling contrary.”

    Related:
    At Least She’s Being Honest

    Ah, Fathers, Part 3

    | Calgary, Alberta, Canada |

    (I worked at a store that cashes peoples personal cheques. A young, 17ish boy approaches me.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to cash this cheque, please.” *hands over information*

    Me: “Okay, everything looks good. Can I have the cheque, please?”

    Customer: “Sure.”

    (I scan the cheque through and an account pops up. It had been used before only two hours previous at another one of our stores not far from my location.)

    Me: “Just give me a moment. I need to go to the back to verify your cheque, and I’ll be back with your money.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (I go to the back of the store and call the number on the cheque. An older gentleman who I believe to be the customer’s father answers the phone.)

    Customer’s father: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, sir. I believe your son is here with a cheque that you gave him and that he is wanting it to be cashed. I just wanted to make sure this was correct as we have cashed one already today for the same amount.”

    Customer’s father: *calmly* “What’s your address?”

    Me: “It’s **** Macleod Trail SW.”

    Customer’s father: “I’ll be down there in a few minutes. I don’t live far… just don’t let my son leave.”

    (I head back to the front to talk to the young customer.)

    Me: “Hey, sorry this is taking so long…”

    Customer: *explodes* “WHATEVER! You’re taking forever! This is my dad’s g**d**n cheque and it’s good! Why are you taking so long?! He has lots of money and he gave this to me to cash so that I could have the money!” *rants*

    (As he is ranting, a large man about the size of Vin Diesel comes in the store. The look on his face is sheer anger. He just stands there in the lobby as his son reams me out.)

    Me, to customer: “Why don’t you ask your father?”

    Customer’s father: “YOU LITTLE B**TARD!”

    (I have never seen a boy try to run so fast out the door in my life. He only makes it to the parking lot outside the store before his father nabs him. Let’s just say his buttocks learned the value of a dollar.)

    Related:
    Ah, Fathers, Part 2
    Ah, Fathers


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