November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3

| Athens, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(A six year old girl comes up to me very anxiously while waiting in line to get food.)

Girl: “Ma’am, what’s this?”

Me: “What’s what?”

Girl: “This!” *I notice she’s holding her crotch*

Me: “You mean your skirt?”

Girl: “No, the thing under it!”

Me: “I…I…I don’t know. Ask your mom.”

Girl: “Ugh! I already did, and she doesn’t know either!”

From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
From The Mouth Of Babes

When (Not) In Rome

| Boston, MA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks for calling [executive car company]. How can I help you?”

Caller:“I need to make a reservation.”

Me: “Sure where is the pick up?”

Caller: “A hotel called the George V?” *she pronounces it like the letter ‘V’* “It’s in Paris, France.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “Oh, wait. It’s called the hotel five!”

Me: “That makes sense, since the V must be a roman numeral.”

Caller: “Yeah, V must mean 5 in French. It was confusing to me and you because we are English.”

Me: “Haha, yeah. That must be it…”

Stuck In Retail H***

| Westfield, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Religion, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

Customer: “I’m rich with the love of the Lord.”

(The customer places a pamphlet about religion on the register in front of me.)

Me: “Oh…I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. Thank you.”

Customer: “That is exactly why you need it. Sin is everywhere.”

(I finish bagging the items and place the pamphlet in her bag.)

Me: “Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

Customer: “Go to h***!”

Waiter Hater

| Dallas, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(A man and his girlfriend walk in to our restaurant.)

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. I’ll be your server tonight.”

Customer: “Yeah. What happened to your nose?”

(I instinctively touch my nose to feel if anything is wrong with it.)

Customer: “Gotcha! I made you touch your nose.”

Me: “Yes, very amusing sir. Now may I interest you in–”

Customer: “You’re zipper is undone.”

Me: “Oh, but I’m not wearing pants with a zipper.”

Customer: “But you probably didn’t notice your pants are split open!”

Customer’s girlfriend: “I’m sorry, I should have just left him at home with a bowl of kibble and water.”

Managers Are Used To Spot Checks

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

(Our tea shop closes at 9pm. The time is currently 9:10. There is one couple and their child still in the store. I am cleaning the bathroom. The customer opens the bathroom door.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m cleaning this bathroom.”

Customer: “But my son has to go.”

Me: “I’m using bleach, it’s very dangerous here. I can’t let you use the bathroom.”

Customer: “But my son has to go!”

Me: “I can’t let you use it. We’re already closed and I have to finish cleaning.”

Customer: *to another employee* “Your crazy cleaning lady won’t let my son use the bathroom. Can I speak to your manager?”

Co-worker: “That was the manager.”

(The customer silently grabs his wife and son and walks out without another word.)