• The Medium Suddenly Felt Very Small
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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    One Sells Cats, The Other Sells Cat-Suits

    | Fontana, CA, USA | Top

    (I am the assistant manager at a store that specializes in adult videos and toys.)

    Customer: “How did you end up here anyway?”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “How did you end up working here?”

    Me: “I applied?”

    Customer: “No, I mean, what’s an innocent little girl like you doing working at a place like this?”

    Me: “Well, you know how people who love animals work at pet stores?”

    (The customer has a moment of realization and becomes clearly flustered.)

    Customer: “Oh…well, excuse me.” *leaves hurriedly*

    The Lesser Of Teen Evils

    | North Carolina, USA | Top

    (A man and his two sons are checking out through my register. The younger of the two sons grabs a bag of Skittles from the candy selection.)

    Son: “Dad, can I have some Skittles?”

    Dad: “No. Teenage girls eat Skittles. And what are teenage girls?”

    Both sons: *raising their little fists in the air* “EVIL!”

    Phoney Request

    | Calgary, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

    (Our store phone rings. A customer answers it before I can get to it.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, that is the store phone. Please hand it over to me.”

    Customer: “Go away! I’m trying to have a conversation here!”

    (I step forward to take the phone away. I hear talking from the other end of the phone.)

    Caller: “Why, hello there! Can I order some tampons, some birth control pills, and a thong?”

    (Both the customer and caller are male. The customer gets embarrassed and thrusts the phone into my hands.)

    Me: “Sorry about that, sir. What would you like?”

    Caller: “Oh good, that idiot’s gone. Do you have any Metallica CDs in stock?”

    Cut Throat Business

    | BC, Canada | Uncategorized

    (A customer brings in his computer for service. While discussing his options, I mistakenly refer to a service that is twice as expensive as what he actually needs. He chooses a lesser service, signs his computer in, and leaves. After realizing the mistake, I find him still in the store.)

    Me: “Sir, I just wanted to let you know that I misquoted the service, and we can actually do what you originally wanted, for the same price as the lesser service. I’m very sorry for the mistake.”

    Customer: “Ah, that’s great! I’m glad I didn’t listen to the voice in my head.”

    Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

    Customer: “The voice told me to rip your throat out when you told me the first price.”

    Me: *nervous laughter* “Well now you get the service you originally wanted, and I get to keep my throat.”

    Customer: *narrows eyes* “For now, yes.”

    Education Is Wasted On The Young

    | Ohio, USA | Uncategorized

    (A number comes across the screen with the same area code as my hometown.)

    Me: “Hi, this is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if you could give me the number for the store in [town]. I live over in [town I grew up in].”

    Me: “Sure thing. So you live in [town]? I grew up there. I just graduated in ’06.”

    Customer: “Oh wow! What a small world! I graduated in ’82.”

    Me: “That’s awesome. Okay, that number is [number].”

    Customer: “Thanks! Wow, 1906…that’s incredible.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I graduated in 2006, not 1906.”

    Customer: “Oh, no wonder you sound so young!”

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