His Logic Has More Than Meets The Eye

| Perth, Australia | Uncategorized

(A customer walks in with a pair of glasses.)

Me: “Hi. How can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “Do you mind pushing the lenses out of this frame for me? My wife wants just the frame for her lab work. She would like to use them as safety glasses.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. The frame would be useless if I pushed the lenses out.”

Customer: “No. She’s going to use them as safety glasses in the lab.”

Me: “Are you sure, sir? It wouldn’t meet the standard of safety glasses if it doesn’t have any lenses.”

Customer: “Yes! I’m 100% sure that they will work as safety glasses without any lenses.”

(I remove the lenses for him.)

Me: “Okay. If something was going to fling into her face, whatwould protect her eyes?”

Customer: “These safety glasses!”

State Of The Toilets Have Been Far Purse

| VA, USA | Uncategorized

Female guest: “Excuse me. Can you tell the boys to stop peeing in the purse holders?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Female guest: “In the port-a-potties. Can you tell the boys to stop peeing in the purse holder?”

Me: “Do you mean the urinals?”

Some Customers Can Make You See Red

| Tampa, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I am highly dissatisfied with the support I have received so far. I expressly asked for a red system. This is silver.”

Me: “Sir, this is technical support.”

Customer: “I know it is! My system is supposed to be red!”

Me: “Did you order it red?”

Customer: “The sales person didn’t tell me different colors were available.”

Me: “You should probably talk to sales. I can transfer you.”

Customer: “Is this the kind of support you guys offer? I have a problem here.”

Me: “Sir, is you computer functioning?”

Customer: “I’m sorry?”

Me: “Does your computer turn on?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Does it connect to the internet?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do all of your programs load?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “From a technical stand point, is there anything wrong with your system?”

Customer: “Technically, it’s not red.”

This Customer Is Literally Peanuts

| Williamsburg, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(The customer picks up a gift card. It has a picture of a pressed peanut plant on it.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “It’s a peanut plant. We have a local artist that does designs in pressed flowers.”

Customer: “That’s not what this is.”

Me: “Well, a peanut plant isn’t a flower. But this is Virginia, and we do like our peanuts!

Customer: “I mean, this is not a plant!”

Me: “It’s a card with a picture of a plant on it.”

Customer: “A card? Well, you shouldn’t say it’s a plant then. It’s misleading.”

Star Trek Names: The Next Generation

| Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

(A female customer comes up to my register with a heap of baby books. She notices my name tag.)

Customer: “That’s an unusual name. Where did your parents come up with it?”

Me: “Oh, my parents are Star Trek fans. The character I’m named after happened to be a name they liked. It’s also Native American and means ‘light’.”

Customer: “It’s beautiful! Do you mind if I write it down?”

(Flattered, I write down my name, the pronunciation, and the definition on a slip of paper. The customer buys the baby books and leaves. Six months later another customer comes in, and sees my unusual name.)

Customer #2: “Oh, so that’s where she got it.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer #2: “My sister-in-law just had a baby girl. She said she got the name from an employee in this store.”

Me: “Oh, my. Well please thank her for me. It’s an honor.”

(I never got to meet the next generation of my name. I will not forget the lady who bought the books and chose my name over all the others.)

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