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    Totally Lost The Pot

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Uncategorized

    (I am working checkouts when a customer comes up with a stack of small buckets.)

    Customer: “There should be about 23 of those.”

    Me: “What do you use these for?”

    Customer: “My husband uses them to mix cement, and then he just throws them out.”

    (I begin scanning the buckets. Suddenly, the customer comments loudly.)

    Customer: “We are not using them to grow pot!”

    Sabotage By Numbers

    | Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

    (We have a rewards program that mails out free coupons for shopping. We need to verify each customer’s account in order for them to earn their coupons. There are two customers in my line, one young woman, and behind her one middle aged woman.)

    Me: “Do you receive your coupons?”

    Customer 1: “Yeah, I think so.”

    Me: “Alright, what’s your phone number?”

    Customer 1: “Oh, it’s–”

    Customer 2: “You don’t have to give that, you know.”

    (Customer 1 looks confused.)

    Me: “Well, we need to look you up so that you get credit for the purchase, and get your discounts. I can look it up by mail or email if you’d prefer. Which do you get?”

    Customer 1: “I get–”

    Customer 2: “Nope. Don’t do it. That’s how they find you. They find your pin numbers and bra size that way.”

    Customer 1: “I…Um.”

    Me: “We don’t need your bra size.”

    Customer 1: “Well, let’s just skip it. I can’t remember what I get. It’s fine.”

    (I finish the transaction, and Customer 2 approaches.)

    Me: “So I’m guessing you don’t get coupons either.”

    Customer 2: “Of course I do. I just didn’t want her to use them all before I got here. And I’m a 34B.”

    Not-A-Brainer Might Have Been More Apt

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Uncategorized

    Me: “We do have seats available on that flight, but if you were willing to leave an hour later the fare would be $200 less. Would that work for you?”

    Elderly Customer: “That’s not a brainer!”

    Me: *laughing*

    Elderly Customer: “That’s what the kids say, ‘not a brainer’. I’m going to use it on my grandson to show I’m hip with the kids.”

    Me: “I think ‘that’s a no-brainer’ might be more usual.”

    Elderly Customer: “You know what else the kids say? Go f*** yourself!”

    A Model Perspective

    | Devon, UK | Uncategorized

    (A customer is visiting South Devon where there are a lot of tourist attractions including a very popular model village. He has just been on a tour and is now looking out over the town from a hillside.)

    Customer: “You have a good view here. Is that the Model Village over there?”

    Me: “No, sir. That is an example of perspective.”

    Little Nuggets Of Interest

    | Dublin, Ireland | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, History

    (I am providing a tour through Ireland and explaining its history.)

    Me: “…and then the Danish Vikings and the Norse Vikings got together, and created the most fantastic thing in the world. Does anyone know what that is?”

    Young passenger: “Chicken nuggets!”

    Me: “I was going to say red hair, but that answer just blows mine out of the water!”

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