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    Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

    | Fernie, British Columbia, Canada |

    (I was sitting behind the counter drinking coffee when a woman walked up to me.)

    Me: “Hello, miss! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Give me that!”

    Me: “Um, what?”

    Customer: *points to my coffee cup* “Give me that! You don’t deserve it. Only rich people like me deserve coffee and tea!”

    Me: *sighing and pointing towards the coffee machine* “Miss, if you want some coffee you just need to show me your library card, and you can get some from there.”

    Customer: *whips her card out and glares at me* “Here! Now give me your g**d**n coffee!”

    (I point to the machine again, then go back to my book and coffee. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her run to the coffee machine, grab the full coffee pot and run out the door.)

    Me: “HEY! Give that back!”

    Customer: *shouting behind her while running out the door* “You don’t deserve it, you poor little b****!”

    (Later on, another library patron who had seen it all came up to me. He told me how the same woman had stolen roses from his flower shop, and said that it was because no one else deserved them.)

    Love On A Budget

    | Southington, CT, USA |

    Me: “Can i help you find something?”

    Customer: “I want to get a Nintendo DS for my grandson.”

    Me: “Alright, they’re $129. What color would you like?”

    Customer: “They’re how much?! I love him, but not that much!”

    Steam Cleaner On Elm Street

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    Customer: ¬†”Can you show me where the carpet cleaning stuff is?”

    Me: ¬†”Sure, right here.” *leads him to the aisle*

    Customer: ¬†”Which one is good for getting blood out of carpet?”

    Me: “Well, this brand works well for spots. How much blood are we talkin’ here?”

    Customer: ¬†”About a bucket full…”

    Me: “You may want to rent a carpet cleaner…”

    Numa Numa Meets The Beaches Of Normandy

    | Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada |

    (I overheard two cashiers talking about World of Warcraft while an older female customer and her husband approached them.)

    Cashier #1: “My guild went on a big raid last night but didn’t complete it.”

    Cashier #2: “You weren’t able to kill the boss?”

    Cashier #1: “No, the boss was really tough to kill; we’re going to try again tomorrow.”

    Customer: *to husband* “We should call a manager–I can’t believe these kids are talking about killing their boss!”

    Cashier #2: “Oh no, ma’am, it’s a video game called World of Warcraft. You go on adventures to kill monsters, and the big ones are called ‘bosses’.”

    Customer: “I don’t care about your ‘World War’ game. No wonder there is so much violence in this world – video games teaching kids to kill their bosses!”

    Cashier #1: “It’s not ‘World War,’ ma’am, it’s World of Warcraft, and it’s not teaching us violence…”

    Customer: “I don’t care what it’s called. My husband fought in a real world war and he can tell you, violence is not a game! Right, Richard?

    Customer’s husband: *distracted* “Huh?”

    Customer: “Forget it. C’mon, we’re never coming back to this place. One of these kids is bound to shoot the place up.”

    I Say Tomato, You Say Purple Shtinkelfurter

    | Leeds, UK |

    Customer: “Hey, do you have any of them Red Rushkies?”

    Coworker: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “You know, Red Rushkies?”

    Coworker: “Err… no, I’m sorry. I don’t think we stock those.”

    Customer: “Yeah you do, I buy them here all the time! Where are they?”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anything called ‘Red Rushkies’ here.”

    Customer: *sighs* “I’ll find them myself.”

    (There’s a pause of a few minutes, and then the customer comes back with a bag of raw peanuts.)

    Customer: “There you go!”

    Coworker: “Oh! Peanuts?”

    Customer: “Yeah! That’s what I said!”

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