• Sew Inappropriate
    (1,130 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    This Customer Is Literally Peanuts

    | Williamsburg, VA, USA | Uncategorized

    (The customer picks up a gift card. It has a picture of a pressed peanut plant on it.)

    Customer: “What’s this?”

    Me: “It’s a peanut plant. We have a local artist that does designs in pressed flowers.”

    Customer: “That’s not what this is.”

    Me: “Well, a peanut plant isn’t a flower. But this is Virginia, and we do like our peanuts!

    Customer: “I mean, this is not a plant!”

    Me: “It’s a card with a picture of a plant on it.”

    Customer: “A card? Well, you shouldn’t say it’s a plant then. It’s misleading.”

    Star Trek Names: The Next Generation

    | Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

    (A female customer comes up to my register with a heap of baby books. She notices my name tag.)

    Customer: “That’s an unusual name. Where did your parents come up with it?”

    Me: “Oh, my parents are Star Trek fans. The character I’m named after happened to be a name they liked. It’s also Native American and means ‘light’.”

    Customer: “It’s beautiful! Do you mind if I write it down?”

    (Flattered, I write down my name, the pronunciation, and the definition on a slip of paper. The customer buys the baby books and leaves. Six months later another customer comes in, and sees my unusual name.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, so that’s where she got it.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer #2: “My sister-in-law just had a baby girl. She said she got the name from an employee in this store.”

    Me: “Oh, my. Well please thank her for me. It’s an honor.”

    (I never got to meet the next generation of my name. I will not forget the lady who bought the books and chose my name over all the others.)

    Their Policy’s Days Are Numbered

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I assist you?”

    Caller: “I have a question about my policy.”

    Me: “I can help you with that. Do you have your policy number?”

    (There’s a long pause. I can hear the ruffle of papers.)

    Caller: *shouting* “God d*** it!”

    Me: “I’ll take that as a ‘no’.

    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Caller: “It’s too cold in my room. Can you turn the air off?”

    Me: “Turn it off?”

    Caller: “It’s just freezing.”

    Me: “The outside temperature is 15 degrees. If we turn the air off, it will bring your office temperature closer to 15 degrees.”

    Caller: “Don’t do that. Just turn it off. I’d rather it be nothing than this cold!”

    This Student Will Need To Be Discharged

    | London, UK | Uncategorized

    (Ever since a particular oscar-winning film has been released, our services have been quite popular.)

    Me: “Hello, [elocution lessons]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. I need some electrocution lessons for my husband.”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am. We can arrange some elocution lessons.”

    Caller: “How much do you charge for electrocution?”

    Me: “Prices are [price], ma’am. Forgive me for saying so, but it is pronounced elocution, not electrocution. They mean significantly different things.”

    Caller: “I was calling for you to electrocute my husband! Not me!”

    Me: “I apologise, I was not–”

    Caller: “Stop correcting me and just electrocute my husband!”

    Page 1,858/2,736First...1,8561,8571,8581,8591,860...Last