• Raise A Broken Glass To That Employee
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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Random Encounters

    | Bay Area, CA, USA | Top

    (A girl orders a cheeseburger and fries.)

    Me: “All right, you want that for here or to go?”

    (There is a long pause as she very loudly ‘hmms’ and ‘haws’ about this question, until finally:)

    Customer: “…sweatshirts.”

    More Than Mildly Confused

    | Ontario, Canada | Top

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to buy some sausages.”

    Me: “Okay. We have about 15 different kinds, so which would you like?

    Customer: “What’s the difference between the mild, medium, and hot?”

    Me: “You mean in the price?”

    Customer: “No, in flavor.”

    Me: “One is mild, one is medium, and one is hot.”

    Customer: “So, which is the hottest?”

    Me: “The hot.”

    Customer: “…and the mild is hotter than medium?”

    Me: “No. The mild is the least hot, the medium is a bit hotter than that, and the hot has the most pepper.”

    Customer: “So the mild is mild?”

    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2

    | Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, you guys were supposed to send me an email, and I haven’t gotten it yet.”

    Me: “Okay, I see we sent that email at 3:05 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Can you confirm your email address is [email address]?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s it. What time did you send it?”

    Me: “3:05 p.m. Eastern Time.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay that’s why. I’m in Central Time, so it’ll take an hour to get here. Thanks!”

    No Fortitude For Longitude
    No Aptitude For Latitude

    The Dolly Llama’s New Groove

    | New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    (As I am organizing books on a display, I overhear this exchange.)

    Customer 1: *pointing at a copy of “The Path to Tranquility”* “Ooh, look! That’s the Dalai Lama! I saw him once!”

    Customer 2: “You saw him?”

    Customer 1: “Yeah! He was in Florida doing a thing! I saw him out walking with all his little llamas.”

    Customer 2: “Um, little LLAMAS?”

    Customer 1: “Or dollies, whatever!”

    The Art Of Browsing Without A Browser

    | United Kingdom | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, you’re through to [Broadband Company]. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I’m a new customer and I’d like some help with setting up my router. I can’t get the broadband to work.”

    Me: “Of course I can help you. If you want to start by turning your computer on, we’ll see what we can do.”

    Customer: “What computer?”

    Me: “Sir, you need a computer to access the internet with this router.”

    Customer: “No one told me that.”

    Me: “Sir, how do you expect to access the internet without a computer?”

    Customer: “So you’re saying I have to buy a computer? That’s another expense!” *hangs up*

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