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    Drive-Thru Virgin

    | Savannah, GA, USA |

    (A customer pulls up to the drive thru and the headpiece beeps in my ear to alert me.)

    Me: ¬†”Welcome to ***** Coffee. ¬†What can I get for you?”

    Customer: *no response*

    Me: ¬†”Hello? What can I get for you?”

    Customer: *no response*

    (The customer drives up to the drive thru window.)

    Customer: “There must be something wrong with your drive-thru.¬†I kept talking but you didn’t hear me.”

    Me: “I was trying to talk to you. I know it works because I have been using it all day.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s broken now.”

    Me: “Did you roll down your window?”

    Customer: “Oh, I have to do that?”

    Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

    , | Allentown, PA, USA |

    Caller: “I have an explanation of insurance benefits I need help with. There’s a charge on here you didn’t pay for.”

    Me: “It states here the billed amount is $0.00.”

    Caller: “Yes. Why didn’t you pay anything on it?”

    Me: “Well, there was no charge.”

    Caller: “But you’re my insurance! You are supposed to pay.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the doctor did not charge for this service. There was no amount billed.”

    Caller: “So I have to pay the doctor?”

    Me: “No, ma’am… he charged zero dollars. It was free.”

    Caller: “I don’t see why I pay for insurance if you’re not going to pay.”

    Me: “We gave the doctor what he asked for.”

    Caller: “So you’re going to pay him?”

    Me: *sigh* “Yes, ma’am. We’ll take care of this, and make sure you’re not charged.”

    Caller: “Ha! I told my husband if I called and argued with you, you’d cave!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. We do want to make you happy. Have a good day now…”

    Ah, College

    | Durham, NH, USA |

    Female student: *runs through the university library lobby wearing only a string bikini top, hot pants, and loud flip-flops*

    Coworker: “I guess she’s in a hurry.”

    Me: “Maybe somebody found her shirt…”

    Now You Know How We Feel

    | New York, USA |

    (It’s Sunday and I’m dressed up because I just came from church. I’m shopping at the local bed and bath store.)

    Customer: “Excuse me? Where are the curtain rods?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Me: “I don’t work here, ma’am, so I don’t know where the curtain rods are. I can help you find someone who does, though.”

    Customer: “This is unacceptable. Show me where the curtain rods are.”

    Me: “I hate to break this to you, but I really don’t work here. I think there is a help desk over there, though.”

    Customer: *calls husband over* “Can you set her straight? I’m trying to find curtain rods and she refuses to help me!”

    Husband: “Look, you are getting paid far to much money to be screwing around! Now, my wife asked you something very simple. She cannot seem to find the curtain rods. Show us where they are, or we will call your manager.”

    Me: “Sir, I am sorry, but I don’t work here. I don’t know where they are.”

    Husband: “I can tell a worker when I see one. No one but workers wears suits.”

    Me: “I wear them for church, sir.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m wearing a suit because I just came from church with my family. I’m sorry I can’t help you.”

    Customer: “I hate this store.”

    Husband: “I know, honey, I know. Let’s just go. We can get curtain rods online!”

    (I feel so sorry for the people who actually work here.)

    A Little Bit Too Specific

    | Pasadena, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, you know your stock pretty well, right?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Customer: “My wife is divorcing me, but her birthday is next week. I need a card for that.”

    Me: “…I don’t think they really make a card for that occasion.”


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