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    Not A Nice Touch

    | Australia | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

    (Customer places his order, pays, and takes his food without saying a word.)

    Me: “Here you are. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “What if I don’t want to have a nice day, huh?”

    Me: “Um…don’t?”

    Customer: “Don’t be so rude!” *storms out angrily*

    Coworker: “What just happened?”

    Women’s Studies, Not Studying Women

    | Sydney, Australia | Uncategorized

    (I work in enrollment in my university.)

    Me: “What degree would you like to enrol in?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Well, what are you interested in?”

    Customer: “Hot girls.”

    Me: “You mean ‘Women’s Studies’?”

    Customer: “Does that have lots of girls in it?”

    Me: “Pretty much all girls.”

    Customer: “Awesome, I’ll do that.”

    (Note: ‘Women’s Studies’ studies feminism.)

    Sizing Up Customers

    | Sheffield, UK | Uncategorized

    (An elderly female customer has been looking intently at the PC games for about ten minutes.)

    Me: “Hi, are you alright there? Do you have any questions?”

    Customer: “Oh yes. I have a PC upstairs, and a laptop downstairs.”

    Me: “Right.”

    Customer: “Will there games work on both? The CD tray is bigger on the PC.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “And smaller on the laptop.”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure they’re both the same size.”

    Customer: “But the laptop is smaller.”

    Me: “They will work on both, trust me.”

    The Phone Is On, But No One’s Home

    | California, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hey, How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Turn off my phone!” (She thrusts her cell phone at me, urging me to take it.)

    Me: “Um…okay. One moment.” (I look at the screen; the screen is blank.) “Are you sure it isn’t already off?”

    Customer: “Turn off my phone!”

    (I press one of the arrow keys to test if the phone is on, and the screen comes to life, informing me the keypad is locked.)

    Me: “Oh, it is on. But it’s locked. If you let me unlock it, I can-”

    Customer: “I don’t want you touching my phone!”

    Me: “But you-”

    Customer: “Can you turn my phone off or not?”

    Me: “No, sorry, I can’t.”

    Customer: *taking back the phone* “If this goes off in the theater, it’s not my fault!”

    Related:
    The Lights Are Off But Sadly Someones Home

    Too Ham Fisted To Realize

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Do you have any kosher ham here?”

    Me: “No, I don’t think there is such a thing.”

    Customer: “Darn it! I’ve been to three stores today, and none of them had it either. My husband’s parents are in town, and they’re Jewish. I wanted to make them dinner.”

    Me: “I don’t think Jews are allowed to eat pig.”

    Customer: “Duh, that’s why I need to get it kosher, so they can eat it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think they make any kosher ham.”

    Customer: “What about pork?”

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