November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Prices Also Listed For Karate Kids

| Mammoth Lakes, CA, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(The movie theater is small and only shows two movies. This week we were playing Grown Ups and another movie. A customer stands outside the box office looking very confused.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m confused about the movie times.”

(I print out the movie schedule and hand it to her. She looks at it for a minute but still looks lost.)

Customer: “No, it doesn’t help. It shows the times that you let the grown-ups in, but it says nothing about the children.”

A Crude Assumption That Needs Refining

| Norway | Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Uncategorized

Customer: “I need oil for my car. I need the 10-40.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re out of that.”

Customer: “Well, go get some more.”

Me: “I can’t just do that. I could order some for you, and it will be here in a couple of days.”

Customer: “No! Just go back there!” *points to the storage room* “Get some from the tap.”

Me: “The tap?”

Customer: “I know that every gas station is connected to the oil rigs in the North Sea!”

Morbid Curiosity Killed The Cat

| Utah, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(I answer a crisis hot line for suicide, depression, drugs, any sort of thing they want to talk about.)

Me: “[Name of Crisis Line]. My name is [name]. Do you feel comfortable sharing your first name?”

Caller: ”Do people really ever call this line?”

Me: “Yes, they certainly do. What’s on your mind today?”

Caller: “Well that’s stupid. Do you just listen to depressed people all day?”

Me: “I listen to whatever is on their mind. That’s what we’re here for.”

Caller: “You should just tell them to off themselves.”

Me: “Sir, if you would like to speak to an operator, I’m right here. If you are prank calling us, that is a misdemeanor and we will prosecute.”

Caller: *obviously faking it* “Oh… well you see …my… um… my… cat…died.”

Talking Shirty

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey, I need you to help me pick out something to wear.”

Me: “Alright. Any special occasion?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got a date on Saturday. I’m taking my girl to [local amusement park].”

Me: “Alright, so you’ll probably need shorts and a nice shirt. How about this?”

Customer: “No, nicer than that.”

Me: “It’s supposed to be really hot this weekend, so you’d need a shirt with a thin fabric. This is a very well-made shirt.”

Customer: “If you say so, but I better get laid or I’ll be back Sunday and file a complaint.”

(A female coworker walks past and the customer starts talking to her.)

Customer: “Hey, would you sleep with me if I wore this?”

Female coworker: “…”

No Appointment, No Point

| New Jersey, USA | Bizarre, School, Uncategorized

Customer: “I would like to cancel my appointment for a tutor at 1:30.”

Me: “You are not booked for 1:30.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Can I make a appointment for 1:30 then?”

Me: “Didn’t you just say you want to cancel it?”

Customer: “Don’t I need to have a appointment first to cancel it?”