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    A Heady Proposition

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Top

    Customer: “I have a big problem. You cut off my head!”

    Me: “I’m sorry? How did I cut off your head?”

    (The customer shows me an obviously self-taken picture, with the top of his head removed.)

    Me: “Sir, it looks like it was taken that way.”

    Customer: “No it wasn’t! My whole head was there when I took it. I’m sure!”

    Me: “Okay, let me see your memory card…”

    (The customer hands it to me, and I go in the lab and pull it up on the computer. Sure enough, he chopped his own head off in the picture.)

    Me: “Sir, that is the whole image, and the top of your head isn’t in it.”

    Customer: “But it’s DIGITAL, can’t you fix it?”

    Me: “You can’t create something from nothing.”

    Customer: “But… but… but… I need a photo for a dating website!”

    Me: “Give me the camera and go stand over there.”

    Customer: *excited* “Hot d***! You can be my best man!”

    Me: “A thank you card will be enough.”

    (Skip ahead 9 months…)

    Female customer: “Is your name ***?”

    Me: “Yes, can I help you?”

    Female customer: “My husband wanted you to have this.” *hands me an envelope*

    (I open the envelope, and sure enough there’s a thank you card with a picture of him and his wife. He actually got married and sent her in with the card!)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Chairlike People And Other Objects, Beware

    | Nova Scotia, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** Support, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Okay, well, you know how the laptop computers look like chairs?”

    Me: “I guess I can kinda see how you could possibly think that…”

    Customer: “Well, I sat on it, and now it’s broken.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, any sort of warranty will not cover accidental damage on the computer.”

    Customer: “It wasn’t accidental.”

    Me: “If you sat on it, then it is considered accidental damage.”

    Customer: “It’s NOT accidental damage! You think somebody just sits on their computer by accident?!”

    Me: “Okay… so the computer is damaged, right?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Me: “So, what would you like me to do for you?”

    Customer: “I want you to fix my computer! It’s broken!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but any personal damage done to the computer is not covered under warranty. I can possibly send it in to be fixed, but there will be a charge.”

    Customer: “It’s not personal damage! I sat on it!”

    Me: “If you sat on the computer, than you damaged it personally, and it is not covered under warranty.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me fat?!”

    Cheapskates: FAIL

    | New Brunswick, Canada |

    Customer: “Hey, can I get these rolls at a discount?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry sir, it’s only 6:00. We don’t discount the bags until right before close.”

    Customer: “Well, the girl last night let me do it!”

    Me: “Sir, I was working last night, and no, I did not.”

    Customer: “Alright, it was the night before! That girl!”

    Me: “Richard?”

    Customer: *slinks away*

    Related:
    Guilt Trip: FAIL
    Impersonating Your Boss: FAIL

    Daddy’s Little Grown-Up And Not-So-Bright Girl

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    Customer: “I’m lost. Can I use your phone?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, our phones don’t call outside the park.”

    Customer: “Can’t you call somebody to help me? I’m lost and I can’t find my daddy.”

    Me: “Sure. How old are you?”

    Customer: “19.”

    Me: “… I’m afraid our security only helps lost children.”

    Customer: “But I AM lost.”

    Me: “Well, do you know his cell number?”

    Customer: “Yeah.” *pulls out cellphone*

    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 4

    | Capitol Region, NY, USA |

    Customer: “What time do you guys close?”

    Me: “Nine.”

    Customer: “… o’clock?”

    Me: “No… feet. Nine feet.”

    Related:
    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 3
    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 2
    Ask A Stupid Question
    Today, All My Questions Shall Be Stupid


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