October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Free Cop Holder With Drink

| Durham, NC, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Movies & TV, Top

(A customer approaches the ticket drop, holding a half bottle of wine.)

Me: “You cannot bring that in here, ma’am. That is against the law.”

Customer: “What! I need to bring this in! I can’t just leave it in my car! There is a law about open containers being in cars in this state.”

Me: “How did you manage to bring it all the way here, then?”

Customer: “Oh, it wasn’t opened when I left. I drank it on the way here.”

Me: “So you had an open container and you were drinking on the way here in your car?”

Customer: “No! I hung the bottle out the window on the way here, and put my head out the window when I was drinking, so it doesn’t count!”

Me: “Okay, I’m going to call the police now. You wait here.”

Customer: “Okay! Is he going to hold this for me while I watch my movie?”

How To Address The Proof Of Address

| New Jersey, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized, Underaged

Me: “Okay, for a library card I need ID the verifies your address.”

Patron: *recites address*

Me: “I need proof that is your address, like your ID or a bill.”

Patron: *recites address again*

Me: “I’m sorry. I need proof.”

(The patron walks away and comes back with another patron.)

Patron: “Will you please tell this lady where I live to prove it?”

They’ll Never Survive Welsh

| Manchester, UK | Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

(A tourist is in line to get a ticket.)

Tourist: “Can I have a ticket to Loogahgbaroogah?”

Me: “Sorry, where?”

Tourist: “Loogahbaroogah.”

Me: Sir, there is no rail station in the UK called Loogahbaroogah.”

Tourist: “But…”

Me: “Did you mean Loughbrough?” (It’s pronounced ‘Luffbruh’)

(The tourist gets his ticket and walks off, followed by the next customer in line.)

Next Customer: “It’s a good job he didn’t want my ticket. Return to Llanelli, please.”

America, Land Of The Not-So-Free

| Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Would you like a free year of anti-virus for this computer?”

Customer: “No, that is too expensive! In my country, we can get it for about $16 USD!”

Me: “Well, in this country you get it for free when you buy a computer.”

Customer: “No, it’s too expensive. You give me a deal?”

Me: “I can charge you $16 US Dollars for the anti-virus.”

Customer: “Okay! You see? You gave me a deal.”

Inching Away From Intelligence

| Ireland | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to return my 13″ laptop please.”

Me: “Alright. Any particular reason you want to return it?”

Customer: “I thought the screen would be bigger, so I want to buy a larger one instead.”

Me: “So you thought your 13″ laptop was going to have a bigger screen?”

Customer: “Yeah. When I was buying it online it said ‘widescreen’.”

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