Sabotage By Numbers

| Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(We have a rewards program that mails out free coupons for shopping. We need to verify each customer’s account in order for them to earn their coupons. There are two customers in my line, one young woman, and behind her one middle aged woman.)

Me: “Do you receive your coupons?”

Customer 1: “Yeah, I think so.”

Me: “Alright, what’s your phone number?”

Customer 1: “Oh, it’s–”

Customer 2: “You don’t have to give that, you know.”

(Customer 1 looks confused.)

Me: “Well, we need to look you up so that you get credit for the purchase, and get your discounts. I can look it up by mail or email if you’d prefer. Which do you get?”

Customer 1: “I get–”

Customer 2: “Nope. Don’t do it. That’s how they find you. They find your pin numbers and bra size that way.”

Customer 1: “I…Um.”

Me: “We don’t need your bra size.”

Customer 1: “Well, let’s just skip it. I can’t remember what I get. It’s fine.”

(I finish the transaction, and Customer 2 approaches.)

Me: “So I’m guessing you don’t get coupons either.”

Customer 2: “Of course I do. I just didn’t want her to use them all before I got here. And I’m a 34B.”

Not-A-Brainer Might Have Been More Apt

| Auckland, New Zealand | Uncategorized

Me: “We do have seats available on that flight, but if you were willing to leave an hour later the fare would be $200 less. Would that work for you?”

Elderly Customer: “That’s not a brainer!”

Me: *laughing*

Elderly Customer: “That’s what the kids say, ‘not a brainer’. I’m going to use it on my grandson to show I’m hip with the kids.”

Me: “I think ‘that’s a no-brainer’ might be more usual.”

Elderly Customer: “You know what else the kids say? Go f*** yourself!”

A Model Perspective

| Devon, UK | Uncategorized

(A customer is visiting South Devon where there are a lot of tourist attractions including a very popular model village. He has just been on a tour and is now looking out over the town from a hillside.)

Customer: “You have a good view here. Is that the Model Village over there?”

Me: “No, sir. That is an example of perspective.”

Little Nuggets Of Interest

| Dublin, Ireland | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, History

(I am providing a tour through Ireland and explaining its history.)

Me: “…and then the Danish Vikings and the Norse Vikings got together, and created the most fantastic thing in the world. Does anyone know what that is?”

Young passenger: “Chicken nuggets!”

Me: “I was going to say red hair, but that answer just blows mine out of the water!”

Business Daze

| Detroit, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(The customer has a covered hardware issue. It’s the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.)

Me: “I’m going to request that a replacement device be sent to you, free of charge. You should receive your replacement in 2 business days.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to wait 2 business days! You need to make it arrive Friday!”

Me: “I understand your frustration sir, but tomorrow is Wednesday and the second business day is Friday. Thursday is the holiday.”

Customer: “You make it get here Friday!”

Me: “Sir, Wednesday is one business day. Friday is two business days. You will have your replacement on Friday.”

Customer: “Put your supervisor on!”

Supervisor: *after greeting the customer and looking at the details for the replacement* “What can I do for you sir?”

Customer: “That girl’s trying to teach me how to count!”

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