November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Ordering Pizza, Talking Baloney

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I am a lunch lady at a high school, and one of the students there is going to be leaving for a trip to Italy soon.)

Me: “What kind of pizza would you like?”

Student: “One pepperoni, one cheese.”

Me: “So are you excited to spend two months in Italy?”

Student: “Yeah, but I’m really going to miss all the good food here at school. Especially pizza.”

Me: “But you’ll be in Italy right? So you can have pizza there.”

Student: “Yeah but it won’t be authentic pizza from America. It’ll just be cheap Italian knock-offs.”

Ordering Meatballs, Talking Baloney

Not Exactly Gifted

| Culver City, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

(Customer has been hovering around my register for the past few minutes.)

Me: “Can I help you find something, sir?”

Customer: “Do these gift cards have expiration dates?”

Me: “Nope, they’ll last until you feel like spending them.”

Customer: “Oh. Uh, where can I find the restroom?”

(As soon as I turn around and point to the bathroom, he grabs a rack of gift cards and sprints for the door, trailing cards behind him.)

Me: *yelling after him* “Sir, those don’t have anything on them until you purchase them.”

(He stops at the door for a moment, then sheepishly returns and puts the rack back.)

Customer: “Why don’t you guys have a freaking sign out saying they’re empty?!”

Should Have Pleaded The Fifth

| Maine, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(We use a simple chalk-marking system to monitor how long cars have been parked downtown.)

Man: *seeing me make a small chalk mark on a car tire* “Hey! You can’t do that!”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I can.”

Man: “That’s illegal!”

Me: *marking the next car* “How is it illegal?”

Man: “It’s against the Fourth Amendment!”

Me: “You mean the Fourth Amendment, which protects you from unlawful searches and seizures?”

Man: “Don’t get medical with me!”

Somebody’s Not Listening

| Provo, UT, USA | Health & Body, Math & Science, Uncategorized

(I am leaving the small, medical clinic where I work in the laboratory. A couple enter the doors looking lost.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Woman: “We’re trying to find the, ‘er-ology’ clinic?”

Me: “Ah urology. That’s on the second floor so if you go up the elevator-”

Man: *interrupting* “Wait, wait! There it is right there!” (He points to a door that says ‘Ear, Nose and Throat’.)

Me: “Well, actually that’s the door for Ear, Nose–”

Man: *interrupting again* “Yeah! Ears. Like Ear-ology!”

Customers Should Stop Causing Ripples

| Athens, GA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, lifeguard?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “I think there’s a…” *whispers* “…sex toy at the bottom of the pool!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “A you know…” *whispers again* “vibrator!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s children’s torpedo toy.”

Customer: “Not a vibrator? Oh darn. I really needed one too.”