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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Yeah, But Our Delhis Come With Salami

    | Mount Laurel, NJ, USA |

    (Please note that I have a rather generic first name for the US, generic like, say, John or Mike.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ******* Tech Shop, ***** speaking. Can I help you?”

    Irate customer: “Can I speak to a f**king American?”

    Me: “Last time I checked, I’m an American. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah? Well where are you!?”

    Me: “Mount Laurel, New Jersey–in the store you called.”

    Customer: “That sounds like it’s in India.”

    Me: “Unless New Jersey has moved recently, we’re part of the US…”

    Customer: “Just let me speak to an American, d**n it!”

    Me: “Yes sir, please hold.”

    (At this point I transferred him to the Wilmington, DE store, as we do with many of our irate customers.)

    Conscience: We Loves It

    | Madison, WI, USA | Top

    (Background story: This is around Halloween, and Halloween parties in Madison is THE biggest event of the year. My store had many Halloween costumes and other Halloween-related products during that time. I was at my cash register for check-out when a customer came to me.)

    Customer: “Hi. Uhh… I’d like to buy these.”

    (The customer puts down a wig, make-ups, a pantyhose, condoms, and lubes on my register.)

    Me: “Ok.” *starts scanning*

    Customer: “…”

    Me: *still scanning*

    Customer: “DON’T JUDGE ME!!!!” *runs out*

    Me: “!?!”

    Time To Move The Bodies In The Backyard

    | Northern California, USA |

    Dog Owner: “Yeah, my Golden Retriever keeps bringing things back to me. Do you know why?”

    Trainer: “Well, ma’am, what’s the second word in the breed’s name?”

    Owner: “Uh…retriever?”

    Trainer: “That would be why.”

    Note To Self: Stop Wearing Ninja Outfit To Work

    | Mission Viejo, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me sir, where are the Exacto knives?”

    Me: “They’re on aisle 24, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Thank you, you do seem like someone who would know where the knives are.” *walks off*

    Me: “…”

    How About A Side Of Hypocrisy

    , | Charlottesville, VA, USA |

    Me: *preparing a gyro wrap for a customer* “Would you like cheese on it?”

    Customer: “Oh my God, no! I’m a VEGAN! Don’t you know what they do to cows in those horrible farms? They force them to get pregnant all the time, and then they take away their babies and kill them so we humans can steal their milk! Dairy products are cruelty! ”

    Me: “Okay, okay. No cheese. Moving along. What sauces would you like on that?”

    Customer: “Tzatziki sauce, please.”

    (Note: the particular brand of tzatziki we purchased included both yogurt and sour cream.)

    Me: “Ah, I’m afraid that’s a dairy prod–”

    Customer: “I DON’T CARE! PUT IT ON!”


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