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    I Think I Struck Me Some Gold, Pa

    | New Berlin, Wisconsin, USA |

    (It was our restaurant’s policy to keep the front door unlocked after closing if there were still customers seated in the dining room. ¬†Unfortunately, this meant people were free to wander in, even though we couldn’t serve them. One night, a teenage couple came in after we were closed.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “I can’t perform any more transactions; I don’t have a cash register anymore.”

    Customer: “So, what, everything’s free?”

    Hulk Smash Bagels

    , | California, USA | Top

    (I am cashier at a small cafe in California. Two tourists, a man and his teenage son, walk into the cafe. His son decides what he wants and his father starts yelling at him.)

    Me: “Sir, what’s wrong? Something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Can you get me a sandwich and a soda? Oh, and get this guy some soup.”

    Customer’s son: “Dad, I don’t want some soup! I just want a bagel!”

    Customer: “SON, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN YOU EAT BAGELS! YOU KNOW IT BRINGS BAD MEMORIES!” *storms out*

    Customer’s son: “Dad!” *runs after him*

    (From that day onward, I always suggested the soup.)

    Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Stuffing

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Customer: *ordering stuffing*” I want that container, that one in the middle, yep.”

    Me: “Do you want this whole thing full?”

    Customer: “Oh god, no. I want a little more than a half… but a little less than a third. Not too much.”

    Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living, Part 2

    , | Denver, CO, USA | Top

    (Everyone I work with knows I’m gay. A customer has just paid for her order.)

    Customer: “Stop staring at my boobs!”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Customer: “You heard me!”

    Me: “Lady, I was just counting the money you gave me.”

    Customer: “No, you were staring at my boobs and pretending to count the money. Let me talk to your manager right now! I’m going to get you fired!”

    (Before I can say anything, one of my male coworkers comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my chest.)

    Coworker: “I’m the manager. Are you bothering my boyfriend?”

    Customer: *takes her food and leaves*

    Coworker’s girlfriend, to me: “Hey, wanna come over tonight?”

    Related:
    Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living

    But How Do They Squeeze Him Into This Tiny Little Case

    , , | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the counter with a DVD.)

    Me: “You all set?”

    Customer: “Is this a Rick James DVD?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Customer: “So you mean I can put this in my DVD player and look at Rick James!?”

    Me: “Yes, I believe that is the technology.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m gonna have to try it out, man!”

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