Bad Jokes Are Music To Their Ears

| Mountain View, CA, USA | Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey, do you guys carry any mandolins?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “How about…” *dramatic pause*Wo-mandolins?”

Me: “No.”

(The customer leaves with a grin on his face.)

Next customer: “Really?”

Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 4

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

(I am working remote control to reinstall and configure a laptop. The customer asks if I am going to install a printer.)

Me: “Ma’am, what kind of printer is it?”

Customer: “It’s a [printer model].”

Me: “Let me look in the driver folder. Ah yes, here it is. I will start up the install program.”

(The program is running, the drivers are being installed. The program now changes screen with the message, ‘PLEASE PLUG IN THE PRINTER AND POWER IT UP’.)

Me: “Please plug in the printer and turn it on.”

Customer: “Do you send the printer over remote control?”

Related:
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 3
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 2
Not Remotely Intelligent

Floods Cause A Whole Raft Of Problems

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

(Queensland is suffering major flooding throughout the state. I’m tracking a customer’s order that was placed last week and still hasn’t arrived.)

Me: “Okay, I’ve tracked your order with our courier. Unfortunately, due to flooding there are a lot of road closures which is why your order has not been delivered.”

Customer: “But it’s not even raining that much, and the water isn’t that high in the streets.”

Me: “I am sorry for any inconvenience but the courier can not risk driving through flood water.”

*long pause*

Customer: “So it won’t be here today?”

Me: “Not unless you have a boat.”

Click here to donate to the Queensland Flood Relief:
http://www.qld.gov.au/floods/donate.html

Giving The French Stick

| AK, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

Customer: *with a strong French accent* “I would like a ticket to Paris, USA.”

(His friends are snickering.)

Me: “The one in Illinois or in Tennessee?”

Customer: *pauses* “What?”

Me: “Do you want Paris IL, or Paris TN?”

Customer: “How about Marseilles?”

Me: “Okay, Marseilles in Illinois or Ohio?”

Customer: “Berlin?”

Me: “So, Connecticut?”

Customer: “Moscow?”

Me: “Idaho?”

Customer: “You’re making that up.”

(I show him the screen for Moscow, Idaho.)

Customer: “Look, I was only pointing out that American movies always list the city and country for a location because you’re too d*** stupid to know that Paris is in France!”

Walking Carpets Tend To Be That Way

| Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(I am a customer having lunch at a cafe near my office. I overhear two teen girls at the table next to mine.)

Customer #1: “I don’t like this Chewbacca sandwich.”

Customer #2: “Um…what?”

Customer #1: “This Chewbacca sandwich. It’s too tough.”

Customer #2: “I think you mean ciabatta.”

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