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    Moms: Gotta Love ‘Em

    | Texas, USA |

    (My mother told me this story, which happened to her as a cashier when she was in college.)

    My mom: “Are you going to pay for that other Coke?”

    Male customer: “What Coke?”

    My mom: “… The one in your pants?”

    Male customer: “That’s not a Coke, that’s my penis!”

    My mom: “If that’s your penis, I am going home with you right now!”

    Male customer: *slams coke on the counter and walks out*

    Related:
    Grannies: Gotta Love ‘Em
    Dads: Gotta Love ‘Em

    Guess He Couldn’t Beat The Final Boss Beagle

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I need to return this game. It’s too hard for my son.”

    Employee: “Well, miss, according to your reciept, you bought this new. So, all you can do is get another copy of the same thing if it’s defective.”

    Customer: “Who the h*** are you? I’ve never seen you before!”

    Employee: “I’ve been here for close to a year…”

    Customer: “I’ve been coming here for a long time, and I’ve never seen you!”

    Employee: “Well, be that as it may, you cannot return the game. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    Me: “Miss, I am the store manager here and what my associate is telling you is true; you cannot return the game and you need to leave. I will not tolerate you insulting my employees.”

    Customer: “Make me leave, see what happens!”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll just call security. Will that do it for you?”

    Customer: “Call security, I’ll call the cops!”

    Me: “Be my guest… that’d be awesome.”

    Customer: “I’m the store manager of [store] across the street and I’d never treat a customer this way!”

    Me: “Would you break return policy just because someone is yelling?”

    Customer: *leaves in a huff*

    Me, to employee: “What game was it, anyway?”

    Employee: “… Nintendogs.”

    Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    (Note: We always give a proof to customers prior to printing to make sure they get what they want, then follow up with a phone call.)

    Me: “Hi, did you get the proof?”

    Customer: “Yes, go ahead and run the job.”

    Me: “Okay. Thanks.”

    (I print her stuff and have it delivered. She calls about an hour later.)

    Customer: “I got my stuff but it’s wrong!”

    Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “The color’s all wrong!”

    Me: “But I printed them exactly like the proof! Didn’t you say you got the proof and you approved it?”

    Customer: “I’m supposed to LOOK at the proof?!”

    Fibbing Fail

    | Denver, CO, USA | Top

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to return this d*** camera.”

    Me: “Sure, was it not working?”

    Customer: “I just don’t want it, okay?”

    Me: “Okay. Have you opened the box yet?”

    Customer: “Why does that matter?”

    Me: “Well, as the sticker on the box says, if the box is opened and you return it, I have to charge you a restocking fee.”

    Customer: “Oh. No… no, it hasn’t been opened.”

    (I look and the box has been clearly opened, with a torn seal.)

    Me: “Uh… are you sure it hasn’t been opened?”

    Customer: ¬†”LOOK! ARE YOU CALLING ME A F***ING LIAR? Where is your manager?¬†I spend hundreds of thousands of dollars here and this is how I’m treated?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you just–”

    Customer: “THESE PEOPLE CALL CUSTOMERS LIARS! DON’T SHOP HERE!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe you! I will return it!”

    Customer: “That’s right you will!”

    Me: “Can I see your receipt?”

    Customer: “It’s in the box.”

    He’s Gonna Need A Huge Courtroom

    | Boise, ID, USA |

    (Note: I’m calling to renew magazine subscriptions.)

    Me: “Hello, may I speak with ***?”

    Customer: “This is him, and you know… I’ve gotten five calls from Boise Idaho today!”

    Me: “So sorry, but I assure you it wasn’t us. Our system only calls once per day.”

    Customer: “Do you work for them! Do you work for Boise Idaho?”

    Me: “Yeah, I guess. But there are a number of call centers here in Boise. Maybe one of them called you?”

    Customer: “No! It was Boise Idaho! You know what? This is what’s going to happen… let me have your name!”

    Me: *gives name*

    Customer: “Well, son, you are now involved in a lawsuit! I am suing Boise Idaho and everyone who works for Boise Idaho!”

    Me: “… Are you serious?”

    Customer: “Yes! I get calls all the time from Boise Idaho and I’m sick of it! I’m on a do not call list!”

    Me: “Well, you subscribed to this magazine, so the list doesn’t apply. However, I can put you on our system’s do not call list and we will never bother you again.”

    Customer: “This is so illegal. I’m taking your job and suing Boise Idaho!”

    Me: “I wish you the best of luck in suing Boise, Idaho sir, I really do.” *click*

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