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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • These Aren’t Your Parents’ ET-Murdering Games

    | West Des Moines, IA, USA |

    (I was a customer watching this exchange. A customer walked up to the counter with his young child to purchase Halo 3.)

    Cashier 1: “Just to check, you know this game is rated ‘M’, right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

    Cashier 1: “Sorry, just have to check, part of the job.”

    Customer: “What good is that for?”

    Cashier 2: “It’s just to prevent minors from playing games with violent or mature content, unless parents are OK with it.”

    Customer: “Well that’s stupid.”

    Cashier 2: “It’s required by law. If we don’t check, we could lose our job. It’s a violent game – shooting aliens, blood, etc.”

    Customer: “I’ve been shooting aliens since I was 12!”

    Cashier 1: “Well, it’s our job and we have to do it.”

    Customer: *storms out with the child* “Thanks for nothing!”

    It’s A Miracle She’s Still On The Ground…

    | Adelaide, Australia |

    (A very angry customer storms up to the counter at the party shop I was working at.)

    Customer: “These balloons are no good! I spent all afternoon blowing them up, and none of them will float!”

    Me: “What did you fill them with?”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I just blew them up, and none of them will float.”

    Me: “Did you fill them with air or helium?”

    Customer: “Air.”

    Me: “They won’t float unless you use a helium tank.”

    Customer: “NO! Look, it says on the packet, ‘Helium Balloons’.”

    Me: “…”

    Insanity Comes Through Loud And Clear

    | Alberta, Canada | Top

    (This guy called in and got the wrong department, and the correct department was in another city, or perhaps country.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t access your account from my department. If you’ll let me put you on hold, I’ll transfer you to someone who–”

    Customer: “No! Every time I get put on hold I get dropped.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t help you unless you let me put you–”

    Customer: “Stop interrupting me!”

    Me: “I… I’m not–”

    Customer: “Yes you are! Do we have to start using the over-and-out method?”

    Me: “I’m not sure what–”

    Customer: “After everything I say, I say ‘over’. Then you can talk. Then you say ‘over’, and I can talk.”

    Me: “I’m not really sure that’s nessec–”

    Customer: “Now, I need to put more minutes on my phone. Over.”

    Me: “I’m in the post-paid department and I can’t access Prepaid accounts here. If you’ll let me transfer you I can get someone who can help you. Over.”

    Customer: “No. I refuse to be put on hold. Just get someone to come over and use your phone.”

    (There is a long pause.)

    Customer: “…hello? Are you ignoring me?” *another long pause* “HELLOOOOOO!”

    Me: “…you didn’t say ‘over’.”

    May We Suggest Hoobastink and Led Hindenburg

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Top

    (I overhear this odd exchange while shopping at a local used music store. It takes place between the clerk and a woman with a heavy accent.)

    Customer: “I am looking for a CD of band called Wet Noodle.”

    Clerk:Wet Noodle? I don’t think we have anything like…”

    Customer: “You have it! My grandson says he wants the CD of band Wet Noodle!”

    (The clerk searches for the band on his computer, to no avail.)

    Clerk: “I’m sorry, we don’t have any record of any products by a bad called Wet Noodle.”

    (I put one and one together and interject.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you mean Limp Bizkit?”

    Customer: “Yes! Some band like Wet Noodle or Limp Bizkit or some food!”

    (The clerk gets the CDs for the lady, finishes her transaction and then turns to me.)

    Clerk, to me: “I’m giving you every discount I know of.”

    Yeah, Definitely Contraindicated

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (A patient walks up to the pick up window looking like he just came from the emergency room.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I wanna drop this off…” *hands me an ER prescription*

    Me: “Sir, this is the pick up window. You need to drop off the prescription at the drop off window.”

    Customer: “Where’s that?”

    Me: “The counter at the entrance to the room with the big sign that says “Drop Off Window’.”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: “You know, you already waited in line so I’ll just take the prescription here. Have you ever had any medication here before?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, have I?”

    Me: “I’ll take that as a no. Do you have any allergies to medication?”

    Customer: “Well, when I mix heroin and battery acid, I get a rash.”

    Me: “… I’ll make a note on that.”

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