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    Happy Hour, Right Day, Wrong Year

    | Minnesota, USA | Uncategorized, Underaged

    Customer: “Is it true that you give out free drinks on people’s birthdays?”

    Me: “It’s true we’ll give you one free drink, yes, but I need to see your ID to confirm it’s your birthday.”

    Customer: *hands over ID*

    Me: “Yeah, it’s your birthday. Pity you can’t legally drink ’til your next one.”

    Pills For Thrills Don’t Work On Tills

    | South Carolina, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Uncategorized

    (A customer comes up to the register angry and acting pretty drunk.)

    Customer: “I bought this purse from you guys, and whenever I go to a store the alarm goes off! You need to fix it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’ve removed the sensor when you purchased it. You should be fine. It must be something inside your purse.”

    Customer: “No! It’s the purse! D*** fix it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you really need to calm down. Our door alarm didn’t go off when you entered the store.”

    Customer: “That’s because it only happens at other stores!”

    Me: “Well, the only other option is to take your purse apart. I don’t think you want to do that. Are you sure you don’t have any prescription drugs or CDs in there? Those can sometimes trigger the alarm.”

    Customer: “I have pills, but they’re not exactly prescription.”

    *awkward silence before the customer realizes what they have said*

    Customer: “F**k you. I’m not going to jail for this!” *storms out*

    One Tag To Name Them All, And In The Darkness Find Them

    | Greenfield, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I work at a fast food restaurant and after work, I go to the grocery store still in uniform to pick up dinner.)

    Customer: “Hello, can you tell me where the [item] is?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but I don’t work here. I work across the street at [restaurant].” *I point to my hat with the company logo*

    Customer: “Why are you pointing at your hat? I don’t understand. Are you going to take me to the [item] or not?”

    Me: “I’m really very sorry, but I don’t work here. I can’t help you.”

    Customer: “But you have a name tag!”

    Related:
    One Store To Sell Them All, And In The Darkness Bind Them

    Getting Landlines Tangled

    | Ireland | Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

    (I call the customer.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, this is [me], may I please speak to [customer]?”

    Customer: “Yes, speaking.”

    Me: “I am calling from [company name]. There is a slight issue with your account. Do you have a moment to discuss this issue now?”

    *long pause*

    Customer: “Hello? Hello?! Sorry, I have terrible reception here.”

    Me: “Sir, I am speaking to you on your home phone.”

    Customer: “What?!” *hangs up*

    Deliver Us From Stupidity

    | Dundee, UK | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Caller: “Hello, I was wanting a delivery to [address]. Can I get two roast beef sandwiches?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t actually do deliveries.”

    Caller: “Liar! Why would you even have a phone number in the first place then?”

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