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    Would You Like A Foot To Go With Your Mouth

    | Virginia, USA |

    (Note: I’m a customer and overhear this exchange while waiting in line.)

    Barista: “Here’s your change… have a nice day.”

    Customer: “You know, you haven’t smiled once.”

    Barista: “Sorry.”

    Customer: “I’m so sick of the attitude of people in the service industry! Is it so hard to give your customers a smile as you’re pouring water through beans? You all are so arrogant, it makes me sick!”

    Barista: *eyes begin to well up*

    Customer: “Why aren’t you smiling?!”

    Barista: “…because my father died last night.”

    (At this point, you could hear a pin drop. The customer is literally glared out of the shop, forgetting her coffee.)

    The Crazies Always Come Out When It’s Overcast

    , | New York, NY, USA |

    Me: “911, what is your emergency?”

    Caller: “You have to help me! Someone has been following me all day!”

    Me: “Can you give a description of the person?”

    Caller: “She’s all black, taller than me, and no face.”

    Me: “Ma’am…that’s your shadow.”

    Caller: “A what?”

    Me: “Ma’am, a shadow is seen as a reflection of yourself when the sun is at a certain angle.”

    Caller: “Oh my GOD! It’s like a fairy!”

    Me: “No, it–”


    Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

    Outlaws In Utero

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    Caller: “I want to complain. I was driving in the carpool lane and I got a ticket, but I’m pregnant with twins, so they count as two passengers!”

    Me: “Um…I don’t think the policeman would have any way of knowing that…”

    Caller: “But I showed him a picture from my ultrasound!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m pretty sure passengers have to be outside of your body.”

    Caller: “Oh!”

    Neither A Fortune Teller Nor A Lender Be

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    (A card holder called and asked for his balance, payment and other credit card information.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Caller: “One more thing. Who’s going to bill me next month?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Caller: “Who’s going to charge my account next month?”

    Me: “I’m sorry…we don’t have the ability to see the future…”

    Caller: “Why not? You’re my credit card company. You should know where I’m going to spend my money.”

    Me: “Um…well, once you figure out where you’re going to go, call us afterwards. We can tell you where you’ve been.”

    Caller: “See? I told you, you guys know everything!” *click*

    I Cry, You Cry, We All Cry For Ice Cream

    | Greensboro, NC, USA |

    Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream store]. Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like coffee ice cream with Heath bar mixed in.”

    (My coworker mixes the ice cream and then hands it to the customer, a 40-year old woman. She beings to CRY in front of everyone.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, is something wrong?”

    Customer: *sobbing* “My Heath bar isn’t crunched up enough!”

    Coworker: “I’m so sorry about that, ma’am. I can make you another one.”

    (The coworker makes another one and pounds the Heath bar into extra fine pieces. He then hands it to the customer.)

    Coworker: “Is this mixed up enough, ma’am?”

    Customer: *wailing* “I can’t tell now because it’s mixed into the ice cream!”

    (The customer pays, storms off, and leaves the store sobbing with ice cream in hand.)

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