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    Giving A Pizza His Mind

    | St. Petersburg, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Would you like to try our 2 for $20 special today?”

    Customer: “I hate my wife!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “She’s such a b****! I never did anything to deserve this. She’s so demanding and I can’t deal with it!” *continues ranting for a few minutes*

    Me: “Sir, did you want to order a pizza?”

    Customer: “No, I just needed someone to vent on.”

    Me: “Oh. Well, I hope I helped.”

    Customer: “It feels good to get that out! Have a good night.”

    Me: “You too, sir!”

    Customer: *click*

    Driving On The Blind Side Of Caution

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

    (A couple comes up to me and points to the traffic intersection just outside the store.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what is that strange beeping sound that is happening when the lights change?”

    Me: “Oh, that is the audio signal system to let blind or visually impaired people know when to cross the street. Each way has its own sound.”

    Customer’s Wife: “You let your blind people drive?!”

    Your Logic Is See-Through

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Caller: “Can you have someone clean the water fountain filter? The water comes out dirty.”

    Me: “Are you sure it’s dirty? Or is it just cloudy? Sometimes we just get air bubbles in the filtration and it looks cloudy.”

    Caller: “No. I put it in a glass and it comes out filthy.”

    Me: “If you set the glass down for a few minutes–”

    Caller: “Yeah, it clears up.”

    Me: “Well then, those are tiny air bubbles. As long as it clears up, that’s just-”

    Caller: “No, but it comes out of the water fountain dirty. People drink from there.”

    Me: “What if you put it into a glass, and leave it for a few minutes?”

    Caller: “Right! Its clean then! The glass cleans it!”

    Me: “Actually, I don’t think it’s the glass.”

    Between A Rock And A Hard Head

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “What is a pebble?”

    Me: “Well, it’s a very small rock…generally smooth.”

    Customer: “Fine, where do you sell pebbles?”

    Me: “Right at the back of the garden section, sir.”

    Customer: “Are your pebbles heat-resistant?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, but I could call one of our garden specialists to help you.”

    Customer: “Never mind! I need heat resistant rocks!” (He shows me a rock.) “Is this rock limestone? Limestone is heat resistant.”

    Me: “I can’t tell if it’s limestone just from looking, but limestone has a lot of calcium in it, so if you dip it in vinegar and fizzes up, it’s probably limestone.”

    Customer: “Forget it! You are worthless! I’ll just stick this in the microwave and see if it’s heat resistant!”

    (He storms off. He came back the next day…for a new microwave.)

    Magnetic Lines Of Farce

    | Hagerstown, MD, USA | Math & Science

    (An elderly customer we have would order a new credit card, like clockwork, every two weeks.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. This is [credit card company]. We were reviewing your history with us and we noticed that you get a new one every two weeks.”

    Caller: “Of course I do! They won’t work!”

    Me: “What exactly is wrong with it ma’am?”

    Caller: “The magnetic strip isn’t working!”

    Me: “How can you tell this?”

    Caller: “Well, when I put it on the fridge, it just falls off!”

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