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    Marriage Bed(ding)

    | Ontario, Canada | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

    (A male customer comes up to the return desk holding a bagged bedding set.)

    Me: “Hi sir, would you like to return that?”

    Man: “Yes please.”

    Me: “May I ask why?”

    Man: “Um…my wife told me to?”

    Me: “Good enough for me!”

    Fair Trade Waylaid

    | United Kingdom | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, where is the tea?”

    Me: “Right this way.”

    Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade? It’s more expensive!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you are missing the point.”

    Customer: “It’s more expensive! That isn’t very fair to me!”

    Caught Red Carded

    | New Zealand | Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

    (A customer comes in to get replacement debit card. Lost cards attract a replacement fee, but for stolen cards the fee is waived.)

    Customer: “I need to cancel my debit card and get a new one.”

    Me: “No problem. Was it lost or stolen?”

    Customer: *looks a bit confused* “I’ve only just noticed it’s missing. Does it make a difference?”

    (I explain about replacement card fee.)

    Customer: “Yeah, it think it must have been stolen when I left my wallet in the car earlier.”

    Me: “No problem. Do you happen to have any ID on you?”

    Customer: “Sure.”

    (The customer pulls out an old, tattered wallet that also clearly contains a reasonable amount of cash and gets a drivers license
    out.)

    Me: “Thanks. You were pretty lucky.”

    Customer: “How come?”

    Me: “Lucky they only stole your debit card from your wallet.”

    Customer: *suddenly looking guilty* “Yeah.”

    *pause*

    Customer: “So I’m going to charge the Replacement Card Fee?”

    Me:“Yeah.”

    Taxing Faxing, Part 6

    | Lakewood, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    (We require full coverage insurance on vehicles we sell that we are financing in-house. I call the customer to tell her she needs to provide us with proof of insurance.)

    Me: “We need you to fax us your current proof of insurance ma’am. You can have your insurance agent fax it over.”

    Caller: “I’ll just use the fax at my work. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

    (She calls back in an hour.)

    Caller: “Okay, they said I could use the fax. How do I send it to you?”

    Me: “Maybe you could ask someone there to help you?”

    Caller: *yelling* “Bob! I need to fax this to the car place!”

    Bob: *in background* “What’s the fax number?”

    (I tell the customer the fax number.)

    Customer: “Okay, it’s working.”

    (My fax machine rings, and her insurance starts printing.)

    Customer: “Now make sure you send that back to me, it’s my original and I have to keep it in my car!”

    Me: “Um…it should be sitting on your fax machine.”

    Customer: “Wow, these fax things are fast!”

    Related:
    Taxing Faxing, Part 5
    Taxing Faxing, Part 4
    Taxing Faxing, Part 3
    Taxing Faxing, Part 2
    Taxing Faxing

    A Golden Snitch Short Of A Quidditch Match

    | Bay Area, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Caller: “This a bookstore?”

    Me: “Yes, this is a bookstore.”

    Caller: “Oh. I need the 8th Harry Potter book.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but there are only 7 Harry Potter books.”

    Caller: “But I need the 8th one.”

    Me: “There are only 7 books, sir.”

    Caller: “Why?”

    Me: “Because there are only 7 years at Hogwarts.”

    Caller: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “Sir, have you read the Harry Potter books?”

    Caller: “No, my son reads them and he finished the 7th one and asked me to get the 8th one.”

    Me: “Sir, if he read the 7th one, he would know that that was the final book in the series.”

    Caller: “But he wants to read it. What can I do?”

    Me: “Contact the author?”

    Caller: “Do you have his number?”

    Me: “Do I have J.K. Rowling’s number?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “No. I… uh… don’t happen to have that on me.”

    Caller: “Oh. Can you tell my son that there are only 7?”

    Me: “No, I’m sure you’re quite capable of doing that all on your own.”

    Caller: “He will be very upset!” *hangs up*

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