Some Callers Are Proper Dementor

| Racine, WI, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Top

(I have a caller named Victor Krumm in the computer system. I’m a Harry Potter fan.)

Me: “Okay, sir, so you’re Victor Krumm?”

Caller: “Yep, that’s me.”

Me: “Sorry, this might sound funny, but did you know that there’s a book series called Harry Potter with a character with that name?”

(There’s a pause, as if he’s thinking, and suddenly he yells.)

Caller: “THE MUGGLES KNOW!”

(He hangs up. His wife calls a little while later to actually schedule.)

Pass(word) The Buck

| Missoula, MT, USA | Health & Body, Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “I hear you are the go-to girl for computer problems.”

Me: “Yes, I am.” (I scoot over to the computer.) “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I can’t remember my password.”

Me: “I don’t know your password.”

Customer: “So they lied when they told me you knew everything about the computers?”

The Stupidity Never Stops

| Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

Me: "Well, we performed the courtesy inspection we discussed this morning and found your front brakes at minimum specification. We do recommend getting your pads and rotors replaced at $**."

Customer: *in a whiney tone* "Do I have to?"

Me: "If you never need to stop your vehicle, I wouldn’t worry about it."

Pride Goeth Before A Deal

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Canada, Money, Top, Uncategorized

(I work at a call center in Canada dealing with American cell customers. This is a call from a customer in Seattle.)

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Does your company outsource to India?”

Me: “I don’t know for sure, but I know it does hire companies out of the USA.”

Caller: “I’d like to cancel my service, then.”

Me: “I can do that for you. May I ask why you’d like to cancel?”

Caller: “I don’t support companies that don’t support America. If they’re hiring out of America, then I don’t want to support them.”

Me: “All right, I’ll process that cancellation for you.”

Caller: “Am I calling to India?!”

Me: “No. I’m actually in Canada.”

Caller: “Oh, I love Canada! I do all my shopping there. Everything is so much cheaper!”

Now We Know Why Bob Retired

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

Me: “Your total comes to $15.49.”

Customer: “Don’t I get a discount?”

Me: “Are you in the military or a member of our frequent shopper club?”

Customer: “I’m in the club. I shop here all the time.”

Me: “Great! I should be able to find you in our database and apply your discount. What is your last name?”

Customer: “Well I’m not in your computer but I know I get a discount. I shop here all the time and I’m a senior citizen.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have a senior discount, but I’d be happy to help you join our frequent shopper club.”

Customer: “You don’t have a senior discount?!” *she turns to an older couple in line behind her* “Did you hear that? These
people don’t respect the seniors in this community! This is outrageous! I shop here all the time. I’m a senior. I should get a discount. Let me talk to Bob!”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, Bob retired 4 years ago.”

Customer: “Okay, well then I need to speak with Claudia. She and I are very close.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with a Claudia.”

Customer: “Well, you need to ask someone who’s not new.”

Me: “Well, I’ve been here three years, but let me check.”

(I call my manager, who’s been here forever.)

Me: "I’m sorry ma’am, but I just spoke with my manager, and she said that Claudia passed away in 2005."

Customer: “She’s dead?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, do I get a discount? I shop here all the time!”

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