November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Finding Emo

| Georgia, USA | Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(At my theater our uniforms are all black. I am tearing tickets when two teenage girls walk up. They are looking around very confused.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: *looking lost* “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: Oh! We thought you were just goth.”

Acting Flippantly

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks you for calling [wireless phone company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “You guys sent me a phone but it has no buttons, this is unbelievable! What kind of monkeys do you have working there that you don’t notice your phones have no buttons?”

(I pull up the information and immediately see the problem.)

Me: “You said the phone has no buttons correct?”

Customer: “Well, it has a couple but not the buttons with numbers!”

Me: “Okay, sir, Do you see that large crack down the middle of the phone?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Pull on either side it will flip open.”

Customer: “Oh, there they are. It does have buttons. How’d you do that?”

Not Quite An Eggs-pert

| St Paul, MN, USA | Pets & Animals

Me: “Oh, what kind of pet do you have?

Customer: “Parakeets. I think one of them is pregnant. I saw them having sex the other day.”

Me: “Birds don’t get pregnant, they lay eggs. In fact, I used to have a female parakeet that would lay eggs all the time.”

Customer: “Did they ever hatch?”

Me: “No, she lived by herself, so they weren’t fertilized.”

Customer: “Oh, is that what the male is for?”

Asking The Eggs-pert

Phoning It In

| Cardiff, Wales, UK | Bizarre, Technology, Uncategorized

(A customer phones up 5 minutes before we close, to try and track some products she ordered but haven’t been delivered.)

Me: “Okay, I’m just going to need to take your contact details, so I can try and trace your order. Can I take your address and your
phone number?”

Customer: “I don’t have a phone.”

Me: “How are we speaking now?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

I Scream Fraud

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, welcome to [ice cream department]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *sounding angry* “I just purchased some of your ice cream for my son and now he’s broken out in hives! He has an allergy and all your ingredients should be clearly labelled!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. It does say that our ice cream is both peanut and gluten free, and our ingredients are available upon request, as they vary, depending on the type of ice cream someone orders.”

Customer: “Well you didn’t tell me that before! And now my son has broken out in hives! This is all your fault!”

Me:”May I ask what your son is allergic to?”

Customer: “Sucrose. I don’t see why this matters.”

Me: *raises eyebrow* “Our ice cream doesn’t contain sucrose.”

(At this point, said customer’s young son walks in, looking perfectly fine and eating his ice cream.)

Customer: *surprised* “I told you to wait outside!” *in a lower voice* “…and out of sight!”