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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Preserving Life, 1-Up At A Time

    , | California, USA | Top

    (Note: Pokemon is a game with various creatures that simulate animals in it. When a Pokemon has no hit points, or HP, is is considered “fainted.” Many mistake this for something serious, but it is easily remedied by healing your Pokemon in a specific building.)

    Customer: *storms up to desk* “I DEMAND A REFUND!”

    (She slams a copy of Pokemon Platinum on the counter.)

    Me: “Certainly, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “My freaking fire monkey DIED! See?”

    (She pulls the DS from her pocket, turns it on, enters game, and shows me that her Pokemon [a chimchar] has no HP.)

    Me: “Well, I can…erm…revive your ‘fire monkey’ if you’d like.”

    Customer: “What are you, some freaking Pokemon priest?! MY FIRE MONKEY IS DEAD!”

    Me: “No, no, look.”

    (I control her character to go to a Pokemon Center and heal up her Pokemon.)

    Me: “There, all better.”

    Customer: “THANK YOU! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY! HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU?!”

    Me: “Um…no problem, ma’am. Glad to help.”

    Customer: “AND SO HUMBLE! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY!” *leaves store*

    Watering Wonders

    , | New York, NY, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi. I have a faucet in my backyard, and I can’t get the water to the other side.”

    Me: “You need a hose…”

    Customer: “What is that?”

    Me: “You connect it to the faucet, and the water travels through the hose to the other side.”

    Customer: “These inventions these days – they’re incredible!”

    Me: “…”

    Good Thing He Missed The Hot Wax

    | Aurora, CO, USA |

    (A teenager who bought a drive-through car wash comes inside soaking wet.)

    Teenager: “Uh, your car wash is broken.”

    Me: “It’s broken?”

    Teenager: “Yeah, it like, sprayed my entire car when I opened the door.”

    Me: “…you opened the door inside the car wash?”

    Teenager: “Yeah. Don’t you have to get out?”

    Me: “Er, not in an automatic car wash…”

    Pinheaded, Part 2

    | Massachusetts, USA | Top

    (I’m a greenskeeper on a golf course and am doing some work on a green, moving the hole. I pull the pin (flag) out, which is the universal symbol for “the green is closed, don’t shoot”. As I’m doing my work, this happens…)

    Member: “Fore on the green! Fore on the green!”

    (I look up to see blue sky and a little white speck flying at me. I turn my back and the golf ball hits me square in my one good kidney. I drop like a bag of potatoes, and the member casually strolls up to the green.)

    Member: “Are you ok?”

    Me: “No, I need to get to a hospital, it hit my good kidney.”

    Member: “What the h*** were you doing on the green? You’re not supp–”

    Me: “Did you just hear me? I need an ambulance!”

    Member: “Don’t interrupt me, you little a**hole! Now move so I can putt!”

    (I grab my radio and get my superintendent, who rushes out in his cart on the phone with 911. After he hangs up, he turns to the member.)

    Superintendent: “Didn’t you see the pin was down?! You could have killed him!

    Member: “He shouldn’t be on the green during play! It’s his own fault!”

    (They continue arguing for a few moments until the ambulance shows up. As the EMT is getting me on a stretcher, she asks the member…)

    EMT: “If the pin was down, what were you aiming for?”

    Member: “Him.”

    Superintendent: “You aimed… for him?”

    Member: “I figured he’d be close to the hole. I mean… the pin was down! I had to aim for something!”

    Superintendent: “You’re a f***ing idiot!”

    (I found out later that the member was kicked out of the country club, and his $50,000 initiation fee as well as his $15,000 yearly dues were not refunded.)

    Related: PINheaded

    Eastern Standard Time Travelers

    | Oregon, USA |

    (I received this call shortly after news broke about the emergency landing of a US Airways flight on the Hudson.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling customer service, how may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Did you hear about the plane that crashed into the Hudson River just a few moments ago?”

    Me: “There was a plane crash? Oh, my… was anyone hurt?”

    Customer: “No, they all lived. I’m surprised you haven’t heard about it yet. Where are you located?”

    Me: “Well, I don’t have access to a television to see the current news. I am in Oregon.”

    Customer: “Well, no wonder you haven’t heard of it happening yet. It happened in New York, which is 3 hours ahead of you!”

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