October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Avoid A Soft Touch With Bad Customers

| Louisiana, USA | Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

(We sell a line of massage chairs. For two days, a man had come in, sat in one chair for 20 minutes, and left without looking at any other item. On the third day, my boss asks me to confront him.)

Me: “Hi, sir! I’ve noticed your interest in this massage chair. Are you interested in making a purchase?”

Customer: “Um… um… no…”

Me: “Sir, we can’t allow you to sit in the chair for this long three days in a row if you don’t even have the slightest interest in buying it. Other customers who are interested would like to try it, too.”

Customer: “What are you talking about, man? There isn’t anyone else here right now!  And who would pay $1,500 for a chair!?”

Me: “Plenty of people. This is one of our most popular items.”

Customer: “Idiots! Why would they pay for the chair when they can just come here and use it for free?!”

Paperwork Doesn’t Take A Huge Leap (Year)

| Long Island, NY, USA | Health & Body, Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, I’m just going to give you some paperwork to fill out.”

Patient: “Paperwork? Again? I fill it out every single time I come here!”

Me: “Well, it looks to me as if the last time you were seen here was over four years ago.”

Patient: “So what? Nothing has changed since then!”

Me: “Alright. So, do you still have [type of medical insurance]?”

Patient: “Oh, no. I uh, switched insurances. Oh, and I moved too.”

Me: “So there have been some changes in the last four years? Then you’ll need to update your paperwork.”

Patient: *snatches papers from my hand* “Well obviously things have changed. It’s been four whole years since I’ve been here, you know!”

It’s Spelled I-d-i-o-t

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Uncategorized

(A customer has asked me to spell the name of the city, Indianapolis.)

Me: “I-n-d..”

Customer: “I-m-b…”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, that was I-n-d…”

Customer: “I-n-b…”

Me: “That’s d, like dog.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “Okay… you got that?”

Customer: “I got it.”

Me: “…i-a-n…”

Customer: “…i-a-m…”

Me: “That was an n, like Nancy.”

Customer: “I have I-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n.”

Me: “Let’s start at the beginning.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “I-n-d…”

Customer: “I-n-d?”

Me: “Yes. …i-a-n…”

Customer: “All right, now I have I-n-d-i-a-m-i-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n – is that how you spell Minneapolis?”

Me: “No. It is not.”

Customer: “Must be all them funny Indian letters. Okay, I’ll send this to you. Goodbye.”

Stealthy Healthy

| Queensland, Australia | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Customer: “You don’t have anything healthy on the menu!”

Me: “Well, the salmon is–”

Customer: “Yuck! No one eats salmon! You people have no healthy options on this menu!”

Me: “The steak is extremely lean and grilled. You can have it with the vegetables, or the salad with no dressing.”

Customer: “Yuck! I hate steak! And I am not having vegetables!”

Me: “The tuna steak is–”

Customer: “Yuck!”

Me: “Or you could try the–”

Customer: “There is nothing healthy on this menu! Give me a bowl of chips. With gravy. And cheese.”

Unloading Marital Baggage

| Prospect, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(A man comes up to the register with a full shopping cart.)

Me: “Paper or plastic?”

Customer: “I’d like double bagged paper, and I’d like you to make each bag as heavy as possible.”

Me: “Okay.”

(After I manage to get all of his groceries into three very heavy bags and bring them out to his car.)

Customer: “In case you’re wondering, I just had a fight with my wife and it’s my turn to pick up the groceries.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Customer: “It’s also her turn to unload the car.”

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