Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 2

| Frisco, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(Due to a power outage, all movies have stopped. After employees visit each theater to tell customers what is happening, the power comes back on.)

Me: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to get your movie back on screen in just a moment.”

(The movie starts up. Unfortunately, when a projector gets cut off in the middle of the movie, it is about two minutes later in the film than when the power cut out.)

Customer: “Rewind the movie!”

Me: “I’m sorry, there is no way to rewind a film sir.”

Customer: “Just use the remote!”

Me: “Sir, movies on film are not like DVDs or VHS tapes. You cannot simply rewind it.”

Customer: “Shut up and give me the remote, I’ll do it!”

Related:
Not Remotely Intelligent

Talk Is Cheap, Texting However…

| Utah, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks up to our cell phone store looking very frustrated.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, I have charges on my bill for text messaging, but I have unlimited texting. Why did you charge me?”

Me: “Ok, well let me look up your account and take a look.”

(I look up the account and notice that he activated his service two weeks ago and doesn’t have a balance yet.)

Me: “Sir, your balance right now is at $0.00. You don’t owe us anything yet.”

Customer: “Yeah, you said I do! You sent me a text message about it!”

(He pulls out his phone and shows me a text that says he owes $29.95 worth of texting to premium girls-chat website.)

Me: “We haven’t charged you, but that company charges you if you use their…services.”

Customer: “So I have to pay 29 bucks?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Well I’m going to delete her from my phone then, because she’s really expensive!”

Rejection Incognito

| New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(A young boy walks in. It is February.)

Me: “Hello, is there something I can help you find today?”

Customer: “Hi, do you remember me?”

Me: “No, sir, not really.”

Customer: “C’mon, you’re going to tell me you don’t remember me? Remember, I came during the summer! Oh, I know why!” *takes off hat* “How about now?”

Me: “Sorry, still nothing. Is there anything I can help you find though?”

Customer: “No, I just came in to see if you remembered me.” *walks out dejected*

Like Himself, His Answer Was Full Of Crap

| Oregon, USA | Top

Me: “Thanks for coming in today, sir. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I can’t get this thing to work! I set up the password and now I can’t remember it.”

Me: “Alright, that’s an easy fix. Let’s go to the site to reset your password.”

(I guide the customer to the correct site and we get to the option to answer a secret question of the user’s choice. The question: ‘Am I a s***head?’)

Customer: “Hmm…” *types ‘No’*

Computer: “I’m sorry, the answer you have selected is incorrect. Please try again.”

Not To La-Boar The Point, Part 2

| Swansea, MA | Uncategorized

Me: “Alright, is that everything, ma’am?”

Customer: “I have a question.”

(The customer holds up two packages of sliced ham.)

Customer: “Does this have any pork in it?”

Me: “Um, well, yes. Ham is a pork product.”

Customer: “Both of them?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay, then I’m not getting them. I thought maybe you had the kind of ham that had turkey in it.”

Related:
Not To La-Boar The Point

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