Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Filled With Creamy Justice
    (2,020 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Straight Into The Lion’s Den

    , | Israel |

    Customer: “Hi, can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I have Windows on my computer and it’s not booting up properly anymore.”

    Me: “Did you buy the PC here?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Did you buy Windows here?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then I’m afraid I can’t really help you with that.”

    Customer: “Look here, you sell Windows. I downloaded and installed Windows, and it’s not working. You’re supposed to help me.”

    Me: “Let me just get it right. You’ve downloaded a copy of Windows, installed it and now it’s giving you problems.”

    Customer: “Yes, and it’s your job to help me.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Here’s Microsoft Israel support phone number. Call them and tell them exactly what you told me.”

    Probably Wears Diapers

    | Des Moines, IA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me… HEY! Excuse me.”

    Me: “How may I help you sir?”

    Customer: “I need you to find a battery for my Timex.”

    Me: “You are standing next to our entire selection. If it isn’t there, we don’t have it.”

    Customer: “How do I know which one it is?”

    Me: “Didn’t you bring the watch with you?”

    Customer: “Yeah…”

    Me: “Well, sometimes it is stamped on the back cover.”

    Customer: “I can’t decipher this. Can you open the watch and check?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t offer that service.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “I mean, we don’t offer that service. I have neither the tools nor the training to work on your watch.”

    Customer: “But you sell the batteries!”

    Me: “Yes, we do. I’ll gladly help check that you are buying the right one, but I won’t work on your watch.”

    Customer: “But you sell the batteries! You HAVE to put it in for me!”

    Me: “Sir, I could also sell you toilet paper, but you would still have to do the wiping yourself…”

    Like A Dog Chasing Its Own Tail

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “Do you have this shoe in a size 6? My son needs a size six.”

    Me: “Ahh… no, I’m sorry. It seems we’re all out of that size.”

    Customer: “But, there’s a size six right there.”

    (She points to a shoe that is a completely different style.)

    Me: “Yes, but that’s a different style shoe. We stock them alphabetically on the riser, but on the shelves we show them by price.”

    Customer: “Just give me that six, then!”

    Me: “Sure thing.” *hands her the box*

    Customer: “This isn’t the shoe I wanted.”

    Me: “I know. Even though I just told you that we are out of size six in the style you wanted, you still asked to see this one.”

    Customer: “I don’t want this one. Put it back.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Customer: “What about this style shoe?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, there aren’t any size sixes left in that style either.”

    Customer: “But there’s a six RIGHT THERE.”

    (Note that she is pointing to the box I JUST put back.)

    Me: “That is a different shoe style, and you already looked at that EXACT box.”

    Customer: “JUST GET ME THAT SIX!”

    Me: “Okay.” *hands her the box*

    Customer: “This isn’t the style that I wanted!”

    Me: “…”

    Just Tell ‘em What They Want To Hear, Part Three

    | Santa Claus, IN, USA |

    (I work at an amusement park where they have free unlimited drinks throughout the park, a fact that is posted all over the park.)

    Me: “Hello, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, how much are your free soft drinks?”

    Me: “… I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Are you deaf son!? HOW MUCH ARE YOUR FREE SOFT DRINKS!?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir. I couldn’t hear you and thought you said something stupid. The free drinks are $5 each.”

    Customer: “That’s f***ing highway robbery! You people should be ashamed!”

    Me: “Oh, we are…”

    Related:
    Just Tell ‘em What They Want To Hear
    Just Tell ‘em What They Want To Hear, Part Two

    Adventures In The Third Dimension

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    (It’s late at night and a solitary customer pulls up outside and fills her car at the pump. She calmly opens the station’s door and comes inside to pay at the booth, but realizes she left her wallet in the car.)

    Customer: “OH MY GOD! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! MY WALLET IS IN THE CAR, UNLOCK THIS DOOR!”

    Me: “It is unlocked.”

    Customer: “But it says you’re closed!”

    Me: “What does the other side of the sign say?”

    Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Open, but it says you’re closed!”

    Me: “Why does it say ‘Open’ on the other side of the sign?”

    Customer: “Look, you…” pauses, then blushes bright red* “… oh.”

    Me: “You need some chocolate.”

    Customer: *smiles* “Yes, I do.”


    Page 1,845/2,065First...1,8431,8441,8451,8461,847...Last