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    All Signs Point To Yes

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (A customer is at the refund counter to return a DVD player. I get called over to inspect it, because I work in the electronics department.)

    Coworker: “Alright, everything seems okay. May I see your receipt?”

    (The customer hands over her receipt, but it’s dated July. It was November at the time. Our return policy only allows for 45 days.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I cannot give you a refund, because this is from July.”

    Customer: “But the electronics associate said I can return it anytime!”

    Coworker: “Do you remember who it was?”

    Customer: “It was that young man!” *points towards me*

    Me: “Ma’am, I have never told you such a thing.”

    Customer: “Yes you did! Are you calling me a liar?!”

    Me: “Well, I’m just a seasonal worker who got hired two weeks ago, so…”

    Related:
    All Signs Point To Duh
    All Signs Point To No

    Always Right, Even When They Change Your God-Given Name

    | Portage, MI, USA |

    (I’m carrying out grocery bags for a middle-aged guy.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m good, you?”

    Me: “I’m good, glad that it’s not snowing at the moment.”

    Customer: “So, your name is ***, right?

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m going to call you Samantha.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “So, how are you today, Sammy?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Sammy? Samantha? How are you?”

    Me: “Um…I’m good…” *walks away*

    Perhaps Multiple Choice Might Be Easier

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Customer: “I’m after some cold and flu medication.”

    Me: “Sure, do you take any other medication?”

    Customer: “Um… no… I don’t thi-… wait, yes, but it’s… actually no, no, I don’t.”

    Me: “Okay then, and are you allergic to anything?”

    Customer: “God, this is too hard!” *storms out*

    Surely, One Missed Anatomy Class Can’t Hurt…

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (A woman walks in with her daughter one afternoon.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “There’s something wrong with my daughter.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Customer: “Her eyes keep closing on their own!”

    Me: “…ma’am, that’s called blinking.”

    It Burns When I Download

    | Spokane, WA, USA |

    Caller: “I’m having trouble downloading pictures in your program. ¬†My camera doesn’t appear in the list.”

    (I ask him some questions and determine that his camera is not compatible with our software.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, it looks as though you’ll have to download your pictures using the software that came with your camera. ¬†What program do you normally use?”

    Caller: “Chlamydia.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what was that?”

    Caller: “I usually download my pictures in Chlamydia.”

    Me: *stifling laugh* “Go into your start menu and read me the name of the program very carefully.”

    Caller: “Ok, it says cam-ee-dee-uh.”

    Me: “Oh, Camedia…”

    (I keep it together and manage to wrap up the call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** technical support. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Caller: “Nope, I’ll just dowload my pictures in Chlamydia then. Thanks!” *click*

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