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    Customer Service Saves Another Life

    | Florida, USA |

    Customer: “How many pine nuts are in your ‘Lemon Orzo with Pine Nuts’?”

    Me: “A good amount, why?”

    Customer: “Because my husband is allergic, and I was just wondering how much I’d be able to give to him.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, do you like your husband?”

    Customer: “Yes, why?”

    Me: “Because it could very well kill him.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: *nodding*

    Customer: “Oh…”

    It’s Baaccoonnnn!!!

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for ya?”

    Customer: “Yeah, um…do you guys serve breakfast?”

    Me: “Oh no, sorry, we only serve brunch on Sundays. We have bagels and pastries in the case right there.” *pointing*

    Customer: “Hmm, no, I really wanted breakfast.”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s just Sundays.”

    Customer: “But I smell bacon!”

    Me: “Yeah, the cook is in the back prepping for the day, and we have some sandwiches with bacon on them.”

    Customer: “I smell bacon! You serve breakfast! I want a hot breakfast!”

    Me: “Uh, no… just brunch on Sundays. Our lunch starts at 11:00am if you want to come back.”

    Customer: “NO! I smell bacon and I want breakfast now!” *storms out*

    Me: “…”

    Related: It’s Bacon! (YTMND)

    There’s Always Time To Complain

    | Toledo, OH, USA |

    (I overheard my coworker take this call…)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling **** tech support, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I don’t have time to get into it right now! It’s not working, I’ll call back later!”

    Coworker: “Okay… thank you for calling!”

    Related:
    I Just Called To Say I Hate You

    No More Teddy In Beddy

    , | Milwaukee, WI, USA |

    Me: “Hello, what brings you into [toy store]?”

    Customer: “Just looking around… all of my grandkids are too old for stuffed animals.”

    Me: “There are a lot of adults who come in who collect them.”

    Customer: “I saw a lot of college kids in here over the summer getting them.”

    Me: “Actually, I have a stuffed animal that I sleep with every night.”

    Customer: “You know what you need to do… you need to get yourself a man!”

    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3

    | Levittown, PA, USA |

    (One night while working a busy dinner shift, a elderly couple shows up in my section, at a table that just left. I had assumed that the hostesses were just busy and sat them immediately.)

    Me: “Welcome to *****, what can I get you to drink?”

    Them: “We’ve been sitting here for 10 minutes? What took you so long?”

    (I knew that I had cleared the table not more than 5 minutes ago.)

    Me: I’m terribly sorry, we’re awful busy. Now, what can I get you tonight?”

    (They order coffee and water, with extra cream. I get their coffee as fast as possible, but have to make a second trip for the creamer. Before I can let them know I’ll be right back…)

    Them: “That took forever! What’s wrong with you? It’s never taken this long before. Where’s our creamer?!”

    (I calm them down enough to get away from the table and get the creamer. I am gone less than 30 seconds.)

    Them: “This is the worst service I’ve ever had! I can’t believe they would hire you! This isn’t enough creamer!”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but I am trying my best to satisfy your dining needs. If you don’t feel that my service is adequate, please feel free to request another waiter.”

    (I walk away to take care of my other tables. Shortly thereafter, the owner calls me over.)

    Owner: “What did you say to those people?”

    Me: *repeat the story to him*

    Owner: “Okay, who sat them?”

    Me: “I don’t know. They just showed up. I thought a hostess did.”

    Owner, to hostess: “Who sat that couple?”

    Hostess: “They sat themselves.”

    Owner, to customers: “You sat yourselves while we have a 20 minute wait?”

    Customers: “Well, there was an empty table!”

    Owner: “Get the f*** out of my restaurant!”

    Related:
    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2
    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota
    Even Customers Have A Stupid Quota

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