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  • They Charge Extra For The Tail End Of The Journey

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling **** Airlines. This is ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “How much would it cost for my dog to travel with me?”

    Me: “It’s $50 per leg.”

    Customer: “Oh, she only has three legs, so how much would that cost?”

    Me: “…that’s $50 per leg, as in travel segments.”

    Customer: “…oh. Thank you.” *hangs up*

    Dreams Really Do Fall Through

    | Long Beach, CA, USA | Top

    (My co-worker and I are sitting at the front desk, waiting for something to do, and this girl walks into our office.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Girl: “Hi! I was wondering if you’d marry me?”

    Me: “Wait, what?”

    Girl: “Will you marry me?”

    Me: “I don’t even know you.”

    Girl: “Well, my name is ****.”

    (She then goes on to tell me her favorite things, her hobbies, and the name of her three-year-old pug. She even showed me a picture of it. Then she expected me to tell her about myself. I didn’t say a word, but my co-worker decided to join in the fun.)

    Co-worker: “His name is ****. He loves hockey, playing video games…”

    (This co-worker happens to be an ex-girlfriend, which is why she knows so much about me.)

    Girl: “Wow, I imagined you being so different.”

    Co-worker: “Nope, he’s really that lame.”

    Girl: “Never mind then.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Taxation With Agitation

    | Clarksville, TN |

    Me: “Is that it for you tonight, ma’am?”

    Girl: “Nah, can I get a pack of cigarettes?”

    Me: “Sure. Can I see your ID?”

    Girl: “Ya know in high school, when we learned about the Boston Tea Party?”

    Me: “Yeah…?”

    Girl: “Well, they raised taxes on the tea, and they threw it in the harbor.”

    Me: “Yeah, I remember.”

    Girl: “Well, they just upped the taxes on the smokey treats…what’re WE gonna do about it?”

    Me: “I dunno…what do you think?”

    Girl: “Well, I don’t know…you’re the gas station lady – figured you’d have the answers.”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t smoke.”

    Girl: “I PROTEST YOU THEN! I’M NOT GETTING ANYTHING HERE EVER AGAIN!” *stomps off*

    Make Sure The Crime Is Worth The Time

    , | Mystic, CT, USA |

    Me: “That’ll be $129.00.”

    Customer: *hands me credit card*

    Me: “And can I just see some ID with that please?”

    Customer: *hands me ID*

    Customer’s husband: “This just goes to show you that if you want to steal someone’s charge card, you’d better steal their ID, too!”

    Customer: “Yeah, but they wouldn’t look like the ID.”

    Customer’s husband: “Well, you could surgically alter your face to look like theirs.”

    Me: “That seems like an awful lot of effort to get a couple of sweatshirts.”

    Customer: “I know, at least do it and get some electronics or something!”

    Irregular Regulars

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (At the dry cleaners where I work, an elderly woman comes in nearly every day. We think she has something wrong with her mentally, but she’s a sweet lady.)

    Customer: “Hi, girls!

    Me: “Hello again!”

    Customer: “It’s a very nice day today, I’ve just been on a walk!”

    Coworker: “Yes, looks bright and sunny!”

    Customer: “The sun has made me tired, I feel like I need a nap…”

    Me: “That’s a good idea, why don’t you take a nap?”

    Customer: “Okay!”

    (She takes me literally and lays down right there in front of the door.)

    Coworker: “Um… how are people going to give us their clothes for cleaning?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.” *doesn’t move*

    Me: “Can you please move?”

    Coworker: “Please, we need to keep the doorway clear.”

    Customer: “But I really like it right here!”

    Me: “Wouldn’t your bed be so much more comfortable?”

    Customer: “Oh, I guess so.”

    (Lady gets up, takes some more mints for her coat pocket, and shuffles out the door.)

    Me: “See you tomorrow!”

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