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    $20k A Year For Beer And Bongs

    , | Midland, MI, USA |

    (A bunch of college-aged frat-looking boys walk into the shoe store while I’m shopping there.)

    Dude 1: “Duuuuuude this store smells like something.”

    Dude 2: “I know dude, it smells like shoes!”

    Getting A Word In Edgewise

    | Adelaide, Australia | Top

    Customer: “I want to see that brooch.”

    Me: “Here it is–”

    Customer: “How much is it?”

    Me: “Well, it’s–”

    Customer: “You don’t need to know where I get my money from!”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Well, it costs–”

    Customer: “I’m on a disability pension.”

    Me: “It costs thirty–”

    Customer: “And it’s none of your business why!”

    Me: “Thirty five dol–”

    Customer: “I had an accident and broke my leg.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Do you want to know why I’m buying this?”

    Me: “Umm… no, it’s okay.”

    Customer: “BECAUSE GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!”

    Your Prank Got Spanked, Part 2

    | Richmond, VA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel], this is John speaking, how can I help you?

    Caller: “I’m trying to get in contact with Mike Hunt.”

    (I check the guest list to make sure we don’t actually have a Michael Hunt staying with us.)

    Me: “Yes, Mr. Hunt is sharing a room with I.P. Freely, and he asked me to give you a message: he said to not call here again until you can come up with something a little more original, you pathetic losers.”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    Related:
    Your Prank Got Spanked

    Violence On TV, Stupidity On The Couch

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    (A video rental customer approaches with two young children.)

    Customer: “Hey, you guys seen Con Air?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “Why’s it rated R?”

    Me: “Well, the language is pretty strong, but it’s primarily because of the violence.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, does it have any sex in it?”

    Me: “Um, not that I recall.”

    Customer: “Okay, great. Hey kids, we’re getting Con Air!”

    Racists: At Least Get Your Countries Straight

    | Stockholm, Sweden |

    (I am a student in Sweden and I just finished making a transaction for a nice Japanese couple at a tourist center. Another tourist comes up.)

    Me, in Swedish: “Can I help you?”

    Customer, in English: “Sure, can you tell me about…” *mumbles*

    Me, in English: “Can you repeat that, please?”

    Customer: “Shut up! Don’t you dare mock me! You can’t speak American, you Chino!”

    Me: “I’m Russian.”

    Customer: “Well, you still can’t speak American!”

    Me: “I was raised in the UK. And it’s called English.”

    Customer: *storms out*

    Boss: “What the f*** was that about?!”


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