October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

What Came First – The Allergen Or The Egg?

| Orlando, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(I’m a cook at a restaurant. A sandwich comes back rung up “No Mayo, allergy”. I call the server back to the kitchen.)

Server: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “So, what’s the guy allergic to? The eggs or the vinegar?”

Server: “What do you mean?”

Me: “That’s what’s in mayonnaise. Eggs and vinegar. If he’s allergic to the eggs, I’m going to need to get rid of two of the things on the sandwich. If it’s the vinegar, I’ll need to get rid of four. If it’s any of the other chemicals or preservatives or whatnot, I’ll have to leave off everything.”

(The server goes and talks to the table, and returns a minute later.)

Server: “He’s not really allergic to anything. He just wanted to make sure that it didn’t have mayo on it.”

His Heart Just Wasn’t In It

| Saint Clair Shores, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Uncategorized

(A customer looks like he is in a huge hurry. After 5 minutes of looking at the menu, he orders a grilled sandwich.)

Me: “It will take a little longer for the grilling.”

Customer: “I only have 5 minutes.”

Me: “Well I suggest you not get it grilled because it will take about 8 minutes.”

Customer: “I want it grilled and I want it in 5 minutes!”

(After 5 minutes of the customer pacing up and down, he comes up to the counter.)

Customer: “I need the sandwich now!”

Me: “Ok, it’s being wrapped up for you sir.”

Customer: “I am a heart surgeon, and I have a critical patient that I’m supposed to be operating on right now! I was supposed to be there a half hour ago!”

(I give him his sandwich and he hurries out the door. Five minutes later, he rushes back4 through the door.)

Customer: “I need extra Russian dressing!”

Too Closed For Comfort

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(I work for a huge, nation-wide department store retailer. Our stores are rather large, and doing well.)

Customer: *to her friend* “Isn’t it sad? They’re closing this branch of [store name]?”

Customer 2: “Oh, really? When?”

Me: “Actually, we’re not closing. Believe me.”

Customer: “Yes, you are, because I read it somewhere. Was it in the newspaper?”

Me: “What makes you think that we’re closing, may I ask?”

Customer: “See, look!” *she gestures toward our small clearance area in the front of the store.*

Me: “Nope, that’s just our clearance area. We’re getting ready for spring.”

Customer: “Right, because you’re closing.”

Me: “No, ma’am. We’re the largest [store name] in the tri-state area. If we’re closing, no one at the store has been informed of it!”

Customer: “Wow, they didn’t tell you yet?!”

On Reflection, Best Not To Ask…

| Erie, PA, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(I work at a store where we stuff animals for our guests. I am helping three sisters, one about 13, one 11, one 6, stuff their bears.)

Me: “So, are you going to get clothes for your bear?”

Youngest sister: “Maybe, I hope so!” *notices my name tag* “Hey! Your name is Emily. That’s my twin sister’s name!”

Me: “Oh, that’s great!”

(Youngest sister leaves and I help the middle sister, then the oldest.)

Middle sister: “Oh, your name is Emily, that’s my uh, sister’s twins name.”

Me: “Yeah, she told me that. Where is her sister, I didn’t see her?”

Oldest sister: “She didn’t tell you?!” *yelling* “Hey [youngest sister], where does your twin live?”

Youngest sister: “In the mirrors!”

Avoid A Soft Touch With Bad Customers

| Louisiana, USA | Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

(We sell a line of massage chairs. For two days, a man had come in, sat in one chair for 20 minutes, and left without looking at any other item. On the third day, my boss asks me to confront him.)

Me: “Hi, sir! I’ve noticed your interest in this massage chair. Are you interested in making a purchase?”

Customer: “Um… um… no…”

Me: “Sir, we can’t allow you to sit in the chair for this long three days in a row if you don’t even have the slightest interest in buying it. Other customers who are interested would like to try it, too.”

Customer: “What are you talking about, man? There isn’t anyone else here right now!  And who would pay $1,500 for a chair!?”

Me: “Plenty of people. This is one of our most popular items.”

Customer: “Idiots! Why would they pay for the chair when they can just come here and use it for free?!”

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