Flaky To The 9th Degree

| Christchurch, New Zealand | Uncategorized

Customer: “Two supremes, please.”

Me: “Okay, and what type of crust?”

Customer: “Oh, that nice one. I had it the other day. It was thin and very yummy.”

Me: “Thin and crispy?”

(The customer starts making hand gestures, pinching her thumb and forefinger together.)

Customer: “It was thin and yummy. We had it the other day.”

Me: “We have a thin crust. Is that it?”

Customer: “That must be it.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $23.80.”

Customer: “What? That much?”

Me: “Yes, they’re $11.90 each.”

Customer: “They were only $8 each the other day.”

Me: “Was it a flaky base? We had a promotion for that, but it ended yesterday.”

Customer: “Yes! That was it. But it said it was until the end of the month.”

Me: “The promotion ended yesterday.”

Customer: “But it said until the 31st.”

Me: “I’m sorry. What said that?”

Customer: “The piece of paper.”

Me: “Oh, was it a coupon?”

Customer: “Uh… yes.”

Me: “I can’t give you the discount without the code on the coupon.”

Customer: “Oh. Hang on. Try 54261.”

Me: “No, that didn’t work.”

Customer: “Oh, there was another one. I think it had a 9 in it.”

Me: “I need the whole code.”

Customer: “It had a 9.”

Me: “I can’t do anything without the code.”

Customer: “But it had a 9!”

Past The Point Of No Return

, | New Zealand | Top

(We have both a bookshop and library. They are divided by a wall and accessible only from outside the building or through a staff only area. I am working in the bookstore section.)

Customer: “Hey, I was looking for a book for my niece called The Tomorrow Code.”

Me: “We definitely have a copy of that. I was shelving it this morning. Follow me.”

Customer: “So, when is the due date?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “You know, for the book.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can sell it to you right now.”

Customer: “Yes, I know that. I want to know when I have to return it. My library card number for you guys is [number].”

Me: “You don’t have to return it, ma’am. This is a bookstore, not a library. You keep the book once you’ve bought it.”

Customer: “That’s great, but when do I return it?”

Me: “I, uh, just need to check that on the system.”

(I run to the actual library to check they have a copy of the tomorrow code. They do. I go back to the customer.)

Me: “Ma’am, just to make this very clear, this is a shop not a library. You never return books.”

Customer: “Of course I know that. Do you think I was born yesterday? Now, when do I have to return this book?”

Me: “Actually, I just found out the copy of the book you’re holding is reserved. I can go get a copy of it from the storeroom if you want.”

Customer: “Just hurry up. This place shouldn’t hire people as thick as you!”

(I run back to the library and issue the book as ‘borrowed’ to her card number.)

Customer: *speaking very slowly* “Thank you, girl. I’m sorry to have told you that you were thick. I should have realised you were special.”

Bad Popcorn Is Stoney

| IL, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer buys a medium popcorn and then spills it in the theater. We don’t usually give refills on mediums, but since he spilled it, we tell him we’ll refill it.)

Customer: “I left the bag in the theater.”

Me: “That’s okay, we can refill it. Just bring me the bag.”

Customer: “Okay. Wait, do you mean a bag of weed, or the popcorn bag?”

Me: “Uh, the popcorn bag will do.”

Bucharettuce

| Windsor, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(I’m ringing through a customer’s order. I put a romaine lettuce through. The customer points out a price error.)

Customer: “The lettuce is $1.97, not $2.97.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Just to double check–it’s a romaine lettuce you have, right?”

Customer: “No, it’s USA lettuce.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “It’s USA lettuce.”

Me: “Well, it’s from the USA, but it’s called romaine lettuce.”

Customer: “No, it’s USA lettuce, not Romanian.”

Staff Efforts Are All In Vein

| NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m work with a server who faints around blood. A couple with their young son call the server over. The son has a bad nosebleed.)

Customer: “We need the table wiped.”

Server: “Certainly, sir.”

(The server goes to the kitchen, and I come out to clean up the blood.)

Customer: “Where’s our server!?”

Me: “She can’t handle blood, and asked me to help.”

(The customer begins to use a somewhat angry tone explaining about how he wanted his server to clean it up.)

Me: “She’ll pass out, sir.”

Customer: “You’re just trying to get out of making her do her job!”

(The server then comes out, takes one look at the blood on the table, and passes out on the spot.)

Customer: *shouting* “Now this is ridiculous! Doesn’t anybody want to do their job around here?”

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