July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Application Confrontation

| Turlock, CA, USA | Top

(I’m walking the floor. A customer walks through the front door and approaches me.)

Customer: *mutters* “Where do I go to fill out an application?”

(I have a walkie-talkie and headset on. When the customer asks her question, my manager begins to speak to me over the walkie.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I didn’t quite catch that.”

Customer: *raised voice* “Where. Can. I. Go. To. Get. An. App-li-ca-tion? Don’t they teach you how to listen here?”

Me: “Yes, they do. Someone was talking in my ear, so I didn’t hear you the first time. You can pick up an application over here.”

(I walk her to the application kiosk. About an hour goes by, and I get a call on the walkie that a customer wants to see me. It’s the same customer.)

Customer: “Oh, you again. I just finished with my application. Is there a manager or human resources available to talk to? Should I repeat myself again?”

Me: “You’re talking to him.”

Born Yesterday

| Allentown, PA, USA | History

(Several teenage patrons are reading the ‘What does your birthday mean?’ keychains.)

Teenager #1: “Mine’s September 11th. Wasn’t that, like, a bad day in history or something?”

Me: “How old are you guys?”

All teens: “Thirteen!”

(I do quick mental math. I realize they were only six when the twin towers fell.)

Me: “Yes. It was a very bad day. Members of an extremist group hijacked some planes and–”

(While reading a keychain from the day the Berlin Wall fell, the second teenager interrupts me.)

Teenager #2: “Hey! What does ‘co-MUNE-ism’ mean?”

Righteous Indie-nation

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks over to the first aisle and taps each and every last CD case with his finger while saying either ‘mainstream’ or ‘sell-out’. He proceeds to do this with every single CD in the store, which takes him about 25 minutes. He then walks up to the counter.)

Customer: “What a bunch of mainstreamers you guys are! Don’t you have anything more obscure?”

Me: “We do have a pretty large indie section, which you seemed to have skimmed over.”

Customer: “You call those indie? I’ve heard of every single one of them. They’re all sell-outs.”

Me: “So, what is it that you’re looking for?”

Customer: “How the h*** should I know? If I’ve already heard of it, I wouldn’t buy it.”

Moby Thick

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes to our help desk, looking upset.)

Customer: “My daughter’s teacher assigned this book. It’s totally inappropriate for a twelve year old! I was hoping you could suggest something else.”

Me: “What’s the book, ma’am?”

Customer: ”I don’t want to say the name out loud. There are children present.”

(The customer hands over the assigned reading list. The book is ‘Moby Dick’.)

Me: “It’s not a dirty book, ma’am. Moby Dick is a story about a man and his hunt to kill an elusive white whale. It’s actually rather good. I read it when I was about your daughter’s age.”

Customer: “Well, they should name it something different. You should tell the author person he needs to change the name.”

You Got The Wrongest Email

| Upstate, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “I’d like to get more information about [program].”

Me: “I’d be glad to help you with that, sir. Actually, we sent an email to you earlier in the week about it.”

Caller: “Really? I didn’t see it. Maybe it’s in my spam folder.”

(He checks his spam folder.)

Caller: “Well, I don’t see your email. There’s something about how male-enhancement drugs can improve my bedroom performance. That’s not from you guys, is it?”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Item
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

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