Faux Papa

| PA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [store name], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello! I was just wondering if I could return something to your store.”

Me: “Sure! That is no problem. Do you still have the receipt?”

Caller: “Yes I do.”

Me: “Than that should be no problem. Feel free to bring it in.”

Caller: “Oh, thank you so much. You see, I bought it for my son’s new baby, but it turns out that it’s not his…”

Cat-Nipped In The Bud

| VA, USA | Top

(I am talking to a first time cat owner about the cat she is interested in. Another woman walks in.)

Customer #1: “Now, do I have to clean them like I would a dog?”

Me: “No, generally cats will bathe themselves.”

Customer #2: “Actually, you will want to bathe them. We bath our cat once a week.”

Me: “Well, we normally recommend you don’t bathe a cat because most cats really hate water.”

Customer #2: “We bathe our cat all the time and it keeps her clean.”

Me: “I’m sure that works for you, but with a new cat you don’t know. I really suggest that this woman does not bathe the cat.”

Customer #2: “No! You should bathe the cat to keep it clean!”

(After several minutes of her insisting this, I eventually agree and she leaves. After checking that she is out of sight, I turn back to the first customer.)

Me: “Don’t bathe the cat.”

Customer #1: “I won’t.”

One Telepath On The Rocks

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I am handing off an iced tea to one of my regular customers.)

Me: *maintaining eye contact with my regular customer* “Here’s your drink!”

Random Other Customer: *yelling* “That’s not my drink!”

Me: “I know, its for [regular’s name].”

(I check the queue to find that there aren’t any more drinks to be made.)

Me: “What drink did you have?”

Random Other Customer: “Oh, I didn’t order yet.”

Catfish Caught His Tongue

| Gray, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I want fish.”

Me: “Alright, what kind of fish? We have catfish, tilapia, or grouper.”

Customer: “I just want fish.”

Me: “I have to know what kind you want.”

Customer: “I just want some d*** fish. How hard is that?”

Me: “Catfish it is. Whole or filet?”

Customer: “Whole is with the bones?”

Me: “Yes sir.”

Customer: “Filet. I don’t like bones.”

Me: “Alright.”

(I return ten minutes later with his order.)

Me: “Here you are sir. Any sauce or anything?”

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted.”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I’m allergic to fish!”

Time To Google Google

| Glasgow, UK | Uncategorized

(A customer had trouble remembering his password for his email address.)

Me: “Sir, if you can just go to Google and type in [address], it will take you to the website to reset your password.”

*long silence*

Me: “Are you on the website sir?”

Caller: “I think my nephew has been on here and deleted Google from the internet.”

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