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    Business Must Be Slow

    | UK | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, you’re through to [phone company]. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I’ve just tried to top up my phone and it won’t work. Can you put it back on?”

    Me: “Sorry, that number is now cancelled. It cannot be reactivated as it has been recycled.”

    Customer: *horrified* “How dare you! That number belongs to me! It is absolutely vital I get that number back. It is my business number! You people are costing me money and putting my livelihood at risk! I’ll sue! This is a disgrace!”

    Me: “Madam, that number has been disconnected from your account for seven years. It has been used by two other customers since you last had it.”

    Customer: *click*

    Unable To Master Their Card

    | Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you. May I have the name as it appears on your credit card?”

    Customer: “Visa.”

    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind, Part 2

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thanks for choosing [pizza place]. Can I get your phone number, please?”

    (The customer provides his info.)

    Me: “It looks like you’ve already placed an order a few minutes ago. Did you need to change something?”

    Customer: “Yeah. My roommate is being a total woman over here. He doesn’t want to eat pizza.”

    Me: “Weird. I’m a woman, and I eat pizza all the time.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, you know. Not a cool woman like you, but like a vegetarian or something.”

    Me: “I’m a vegetarian.”

    Customer: “Well, you know. I mean…uh…”

    (The customer explains his friend has an ulcer and cuts his order down to just one pizza.)

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Customer: “No. I’m not calling here ever again, I promise.”

    Related:
    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind
    Giving A Pizza My Mind

    Don’t Kick Up A Fuss If Your Heart Isn’t In It

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Top

    (We have just landed. One of the passengers has suffered a medical emergency. Paramedics are on the way, and we’ve asked the other passengers to wait until the man has been safely moved from the plane. One of the other passengers speaks up.)

    Passenger #1: “What is this? Why can’t we get off?”

    Me: “Sir, one of the passengers has just had a heart attack. We need to get him off the plane before everyone else.”

    Passenger #1: “This is s***! Why should we have to wait? I want to get off!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You’re going to have to wait like everyone else until we’ve taken care of the emergency.”

    Passenger #1: “Let us get off!”

    (Another passenger speaks up.)

    Passenger #2: “Hey! This man just had a heart attack! His life is in danger. Are you really so selfish that you can’t wait five minutes for him to get medical attention? I hope that if you ever have a heart attack on a plane, they don’t wait for you to receive medical attention. Let’s see how that works out for you.”

    (The man sheepishly sits down and the entire cabin applauds.)

    Modern Technology Can Pass By In A Blur, Part 2

    | Rogers, AR, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, I’m here to see Sanctum!”

    Me: “Alright! Here are your 3D glasses.”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s 3D? I don’t do well with those. Is there a 2D version?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We only have 3D.”

    Customer: “Well, do I have to wear the glasses?”

    Me: “Well, you don’t have to. But the screen will be blurry if you don’t.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, can you un-blur it for me?”

    Related:
    Modern Technology Can Pass By In A Blur

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