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    Sketchy Ballots

    | Bloomfield Township, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Politics

    (I am an election inspector for the 2010 Primary Election.)

    Customer: “Why isn’t there a Tea Party choice on the ballot? I don’t want to vote Democrat or Republican!”

    Me: “Ma’am, only the Democratic and Republican parties are having a primary.  You can’t vote for the Tea Party. You can choose not to vote the partisan section of the ballot, if you wish.”

    Customer: “Well, how about if I just draw a big teapot on the ballot?”

    Cheapskating Around The Issue

    | Mississauga, ON, Canada | Holidays, Money, Top

    (The store is very popular around Christmas time. We have a general rule not to do price adjustments, particularly on Christmas gifts as they were always marked down after the holidays. A customer hands me receipt; he has no bags with him.)

    Customer: “I’d like to do a price adjustment for these gifts.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we don’t do price adjustments.”

    Customer: “Well, then I’ll return them and buy them back on sale. So give me back the money for them.”

    Me: “I can’t give you back money for products that you don’t give back to me.”

    Customer: “I’m just going to buy them back for the sale price right away anyways, so just give me the money back!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but without the products I can’t give you any money back or do a price adjustment. If you bring in the products I will gladly return and re-sell them to you.”

    Customer: “I’ve already given them away! They were Christmas gifts for my family, you idiot!”

    Me: “Can you let your family know that you want to take their gifts back so that you can get some money back from them?”

    Customer: “What do I look like to you, some kind of cheapskate?!”

    When The Only Typing Available Is Stereotyping

    | Elkridge, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Technology, Top

    Me: “Sir, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a cable.”

    Me: “Ok. I’ll take you to our cables, what kind of cable do you need?”

    Customer: “Uhm…. a cable. USB? I need to hook up a computer.”

    Me: “Here are our USB cables, but could you be a little more specific?”

    Customer: *getting angry* “These are not what I need at all! I need a cable! Are you deaf? I need a  C-A-B-L-E. I need one for my computer.”

    Me: “Sir, there are a lot of cables, if you could tell me what kind of thing you were trying to hook up?”

    Customer: “Is there anyone else on the floor that can help me!? Maybe one of the computer guys? You’re obviously too stupid to understand.”

    Me: “Sir, I am the only one on the floor at the moment and I am trying my best to help you find your cable.”

    Customer: “Miss, why don’t you go back to the registers where you belong and bring me a computer guy?”

    Me: “Sir, I am the tech person and would be happy to help you find your cable. Could you show me an example of what you mean?”

    (The customer, extremely agitated, goes to a display computer.)

    Customer: This is what I wanted! A cable!”

    Me: “You mean a keyboard?”

    Customer: “Um…yes.” *sheepishly leaves the store*

    When Grave Concerns Are Warranted

    | Canada | Technology, Top

    (After talking to an elderly customer about a computer and all its benefits, I try to talk to him about our in-store warranty.)

    Me: “So are you interested in purchasing this computer and having it protected for three years through us?”

    Customer: “I would be dead by then.”

    Me: “Then it would be a lifetime warranty.”

    Customer: *laughs*

    Best Oosik To What You Know

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “Excuse me, what is this?”

    Me: “That’s an ‘oosik’.”

    Customer: “What’s it made of?”

    Me: “It’s umm.. the lower anatomy of a walrus.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “It’s a part of a male walrus.”

    Customer: “What part?”

    Me: “It’s a petrified walrus penis.”

    (The customer laughs and runs over to his wife. They talk in their language for a bit then he drags her over by the arm, still giggling.)

    Customer: “Tell her what it is!”

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