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    Guilt Trip: FAIL

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    Customer: “Hey, you guys sell fish food and supplies, but do you have any fish?”

    Me: “No, sorry sir, we don’t sell pets.”

    Customer: “Where do they sell pets?”

    Me: “A pet store?”

    Customer: “Is there one of those near here?”

    Me: “Uhm, I really don’t know.”

    Customer: “Will you take me to it?”

    Me: “… no?”

    Customer: “Sam Walton would take me to it!”

    Me: “Sam Walton is dead.”

    Just Another Day In Bedrock

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (Keep in mind, this customer comes in about ten times a day. He’s insane and you never know what you will get from this guy.)

    Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

    Me: “Okay. That will be thirteen fifty.”

    Customer: *hands me money* “Yabba dabba.”

    Me: “You don’t say?”

    Customer: *angrily* “Yabba dabba!!”

    Me: “Doo. Have a good day.”

    Customer: *happy now* “YABBA DABBA!!!!” *leaves*

    (He comes back about two hours later, talking regularly like nothing happened.)

    I’ll Have The Bacteria, Lettuce And Tomato

    | Indiana, USA |

    (I work in the deli of a very small grocery store. My co-worker had just walked out of the deli, leaving me in the back alone.)

    Cashier: “Deli, you have a customer!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t see you there. I was just washing my hands. Can I get you something?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for TEN MINUTES.”

    (I know for a fact that he couldn’t have been there for more than a
    minute, because my co-worker had just walked out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Like I said, I didn’t know you were out here. I was in the back, washing my hands and I can’t see you back there.”

    Customer: “Well, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN OUT HERE. What were you doing in
    the back? Your job is to wait on customers!”

    Me: “I WAS WASHING MY HANDS.”

    Customer: “I don’t see why you should have to do that.”

    Me: “Me neither, sir.”

    Around The World In 80 Epithets

    | Northern VA, USA |

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Well hello dearie, what kind of mild coffee do you have today?”

    Me: “Our light roast today is our Guatemala.”

    Customer: “Oh no. I don’t want coffee made by [racial epithet].”

    Me: “Um… well, our dark roast is our Ethiopian.

    Customer: “I don’t want [another racial epithet] coffee either! Can’t you get me some American coffee?

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, coffee beans don’t grow anywhere in America except Hawaii. And we don’t carry any Kona.”

    Customer: “Damn [yet another racial epithet]! Don’t want any of their coffee either. I just want some good old American coffee. That’s what I got last time.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Like I said, we don’t carry any coffee grown in America. Coffee doesn’t grow in the continental United States.”

    Customer: “God d*** commies!” *storms off*

    Sometimes, You Just Can’t Win

    | Ohio, USA |

    Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like some baked chicken.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we only have fried chicken.”

    Customer: “How about roasted chicken?”

    Me: “No, we only have fried chicken.”

    Customer: “How about broasted… boasted chicken?”

    (Yes, she actually said boasted chicken.)

    Me: “No, ma’am, all we have is plain old fried chicken.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.” *leaves*

    Boss: “Hey, don’t call the chicken old.”

    Me: *facepalm*


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