No Chance Of Defying Gravity

| Texas, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Uncategorized

Customer: “I bought tickets for Wicked on Broadway and I want a refund.”

Me: “Okay, was your show postponed or canceled? That’s the only time we can give refunds.”

Customer: “Well, I wasn’t able to watch the show so I want my money back.”

Me: “Why were you unable to watch the show?”

Customer: “When we got to our seats my husband felt sick from being so high up and we had to leave.”

Me: “When you purchased the tickets were you aware that they were in the balcony?”

Customer: “The woman told me they were in the balcony but I didn’t know what that meant. I know what a balcony on a house is, but a theater isn’t a house. I’m not stupid.”

Me: “If you weren’t sure about the seat placement, why didn’t you ask for clarification?”

Customer: “I didn’t want to sound stupid. I’m not stupid!”

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Bag Holder

| Sherwood Park, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(I am guy in my late teens, bagging groceries for a male cashier when a woman in her mid to late thirties arrives at the till.)

Cashier: “Here you go, ma’am.”

Customer: “‘Ma’am?!’ Do I look old enough to be a ‘ma’am?!'”

Cashier: “Uh, sorry miss.”

Customer: “‘Miss!’ That’s even worse! You make me feel like an old maid! I’m still young and beautiful! And you, bag boy! Make sure the eggs are on top, okay?”

Me: *miming shooting a gun and winking* “You got it, babe.”

Customer: *blushing* “I…uh…okay.”

Cashier: “Dude.”

Totally, Like, Excruciatus

| Hazel Grove, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, School

(Two girls enter the bookstore. I recognize them as being two ditzy girls from my English class.)

Me: “Hey, [Girl 1] and [Girl 2], what’s up? I didn’t think you guys liked hanging out in bookshops?”

Girl 1: *giggles* “Duh! Did you like think that we’re geeks or something?”

Girl 2: “Like, duh, I’m just looking for this book for my sister.”

(Said sister happens to be one of my good friends.)

Me: “Oh, what book does Jen want?”

Girl 2: “It’s like, this book with some totally geeky wizards or something.”

Me: “Do you mean Harry Potter? She’s already got those books.”

Girl 2: “Like, no duh! It’s like, written by some totally old-ish chick named Jane or something. It’s like, about this chick named Emma.”

Me:Emma by Jane Austen hasn’t got any wizards.”

Girl 2: “Ain’t Emma that witch or something? That nerdy, bushy-haired one?”

Me: “That’s Hermione Granger. Her actress is Emma Watson.”

Girl 2: *huffing* “What-EVER! I’m like, so totally out of here, you geek!”

They’re In A Galaxy Far, Far Away

| New Zealand | Books & Reading, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, miss, can I help you?”

Patron: “Yeah, I’ve been searching these shelves for about ten minutes and I can’t find any books on this one guy.”

Me: “Who are you looking for books on?”

Patron: “Oh, I think he’s quite famous! Wait, I know his name.”

Me: “Well, what did he do?”

Patron: “Something to do with the army…”

(The patron pauses for a bit before realizing.)

Patron: “Oh! Darth Vader!”

Small Appliances, Big Defiances

| Lima, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, Men’s Department. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “Men’s? I wanted Small Appliances!”

Me: “Well my phone is actually the closest to that department. We don’t have a phone or cash register in that section since it is small. So. I handle that department too.”

Caller: “I want the Small Appliances Department!”

Me: “Sir, there is no phone for that department and I can easily help you with any questions you have.”

(He hangs up and immediately calls back.)

Me: “Hello, Men’s. How may I help you today?”

Same Caller: “Great, it’s you again. Well, fine…tell how much [a blender] is.”

Me: “Well, since you don’t know the product code I will need to walk over to check the price myself. It will only take a few minutes.”

Caller: “That’s bulls***!”

(He hangs up and immediately calls back. We run through the same thing again.)

Caller: “What is your name, you dumb b****?” I am going to call your manager and make sure you are fired you dumb***!” *click*

(For this last call, my manager is here.)

Manager: “I know he won’t call, but I wish I could tell him that you are getting a raise and promotion because of him.”

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