Believing In a Fare God

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Uncategorized

(I often help out with going up and down the aisles with the collection basket. A patron puts a twenty in the basket and then stops me.)

Me: “I have to get this up to the front, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, yes. Just one moment.”

(She is rooting around in the collection basket while I stand there.)

Me: “Sorry, what are you doing?”

Customer: “I need change for the bus.”

One Baby Or Less Aisle

| Round Rock, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(I am checking out a mother with an infant son.)

Mother: “I have a question. Will you guys take cute as payment?”

(My manager is standing behind me.)

Manager: “We’ll take him.”

At The Tipping Point

| MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a custard shop. With every cone we hand out to a customer, we have to inform them to hold it straight up. Otherwise, the custard could slide off the cone.)

Me: “Alright, sir. Here is your cone. Be sure to hold it straight up.”

Customer #1: “Thank you, and will do!”

(His girlfriend is standing next to him, still deciding on what to order.)

Customer #1: “Have you decided yet, dear?”

Customer #2: “No.”

Me: “Would you like to try a sample of anything?”

Customer #2: “No, I’ll just try some of his.”

(She proceeds to swipe it out of his hands. She tips the cone completely sideways as she is trying to taste it. The custard slides off and falls all over her shirt.)

Customer #1: “What are you doing?!”

Customer #2: “It’s not my fault! She never said that it would fall!”

Customer #1: “Of course she did! You were standing right here!”

Me: “It’s okay. I can remake it for you no problem! This usually happens.”

Customer #2: “Oh, so this kind of thing happens daily?”

(I didn’t know how to tell her that while it does happen daily, it is usually just with toddlers.)

Romance Isn’t Dead, It’s Just Asleep

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Uncategorized

(A patient is signing consents. They will receive conscious sedation before a small, outpatient surgery.)

Patient: “So, when I get upstairs, they’re going to seduce me?”

Pick It Before The Ticket

| Canada | Top

(A girl comes up to my till. She’s fake tanned with bleached hair and nails so long she can barely text while she talks to me.)

Customer: “I need one ticket.”

Me: “Sure, what movie?”

Customer: “Just one ticket, please.”

Me: “Yes, but I need to know which movie the ticket is for.”

Customer: “What? Why can’t you just give me a ticket?”

Me: “Because I have to select what movie to give you a ticket for before I can print it out.”

Customer: “It’s a funny one with that guy. Just get me a ticket to it.”

Me: “We have several comedies right now. You’ll have to be more specific.”

Customer: “Do you know how to do your job? Give me a ticket and I’ll tell you what movie I’m seeing after!”

Me: “That’s not how it works. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Fine! Let me go see what movie my friends want to see.”

(She goes over to a group of girls who are all dressed exactly like her and texting on their phones. She comes back a couple minutes later.)

Customer: “The movie we’re seeing is [movie title].”

Me: “We’re not showing that movie here.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me that before?”

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