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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Much A-Brew About Nothing

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer orders a Nestea iced tea, the label of which covers most of the midsection of the bottle.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “I’ll have you know that this iced tea is a ripoff.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “Well, I hardly drank any, and the tea is already down to the bottom!”

    (He points to the tea visible at the bottom of the bottle.)

    Customer: “This is an outrage! I demand a refund or a refill.”

    Me: “Sir, just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.”

    Customer: “What the h*** is that supposed to mean?”

    Me: “It means that the rest of the tea is hidden by the label.”

    Customer: “Oh. Thanks.”

    Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Maps

    | Brookfield, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    (Two customers are in my line to buy some bottle water. I can clearly tell from their accents that they are from another country.)

    Me: “That will be five dollars, please. And may I ask where are you from?”

    Customer: “Sure mate. We are from Scotland.”

    Me: “Oh, nice. I hope you enjoy your visit to America–”

    (A teenage kid nearby overhears us and interrupts.)

    Teenage kid: “You better, seeing how we saved your a** in the Korean War!” *storms off*

    (My two customers exchange glances, shake their heads, and look back at me)

    Customer: “I love America.”

    Not Seeing The Forest For The Greasy Trees

    | Birmingham, AL, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I’m working the concession stand, and a customer has just ordered a jumbo popcorn.)

    Customer: “Is that real butter in the squirty thing?”

    Me: “It’s vegetable oil with artificial butter flavoring.”

    Customer: “Okay, gimme some of that.”

    Me: *squirting some butter* “There you go. Can I get you anything else?”

    Customer: “Little more, please?”

    Me: *squirt* “How’s that?”

    Customer: “Keep going. I’ll say when.”

    (I keep squirting until there’s about two inches of yellow oil in the bottom of the tub. The popcorn is starting to float out the top.)

    Customer: “Okay, that’s good.”

    Me: “Alright, then. Is there anything else you’d like today?”

    Customer: “Lemme have a Diet Coke. A small one. I’m trying to watch my weight.”

    Not Seeing Or Believing

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer:  “Something’s wrong with my vision.  I’m not seeing well at all.”

    Me: “Did this happen suddenly, or gradually?”

    Customer:  “When I woke up this morning, everything is blurry!”

    (I look up her file, and see that she had had an exam and purchased glasses in the previous month.)

    Me:  “So, even with your new glasses, everything is blurry?”

    Customer:  “Well, no.  It’s fine with my glasses on.  But I have worn them for a whole month!  Shouldn’t my eyes be better by now?”

    Me:  “Ma’am, the glasses make your vision better, but only if you are wearing them.”

    Customer: “What kind of a quack doctor do you have there? Thanks for nothing!”

    Unintended Entendres

    | Shenzhen, China | Uncategorized

    (I have just completed a firewall and Internet circuit install for an international customer. His English is far better than my Cantonese, but slang expressions didn’t always translate.)

    Customer: “Thank you! You know, we were worried about having a female engineer, but now I see that they are better.”

    Me: “Well, thank you, sir. I’m glad your Internet is up and running. We always try to do a good job.”

    Customer: “You even cleaned the server room! Men never clean the server room. It looks very nice!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I don’t think I have ever seen such a nice rack! Thank you!”

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